Path of the Not Quite Lost
by MayFairy
Summary: When songwriter Jun-Young Kim finds himself transported into an alien death match, he is saved by a trio of space-time travellers who invite him to join them on their travels. Against his better judgement he takes them up on it, only to find his new friends are almost as bonkers as the situations they get themselves into. [Standalone but also 3rd in a series. Canon divergent AU.]
1. Prologue

From her perch on the ornate lounge seat, the princess of Endana's dark eyes watched the distraught figure that was pacing in front of her. She had little idea of what could be said for consolation, but knew she had to try.

"Are you alright?"

The moment the question left her lips, the look of disbelief sent her way told her that it had been the wrong thing to say.

"I just told you I came straight from the _memorial_ service," came the sharp reply, "How could I be alright? Do I _look_ alright?"

"No. Forgive me. It was a foolish thing to ask."

A resigned sigh, then a softening. "It's okay. You were only trying to be polite."

"I'm not being polite, I'm sad. _Incredibly_ sad, to hear this news. But also concerned, for you, and for your friends. How is the Doctor faring?"

Teeth bit hard into a lower lip. "Badly. I knew that he didn't take loss well, but I don't know if this time is worse because it was his fault, or if it's been a long time since he lost someone like this. Either way, he's hard to be around right now."

The princess reached out to take the hand much paler than her own, and used it to pull her guest down to sit next to her. "After what the four of you did for my people, you are welcome to stay here as long as you might need. And you know I would be glad of your company."

"...I'd definitely hoped so. Thank you."

A wheezing sound filled their ears as, out in the corridor, the blue box that was just visible through the doorway began to disappear.

"I think it may be time for you to tell me the whole story," the princess said quietly, once the noise had faded, "From the beginning this time."

"Yeah. Well, it probably won't surprise you to learn that it started with a lot of running."

* * *

 **Very brief AN at beginning of next/first proper chapter.**


	2. A Deadly Game: The Start of a Weird Day

**Quick author's note: ****W** **hile this story is actually the third in a series, it is intended to work as a standalone as well, hence why it is told entirely through the POV of a new character. Anything you might need to know if you're a new reader, you'll learn through him.**

 **Readers of the previous two instalments meanwhile get to see things from an outsider's perspective, which should be an interesting change.**

 **Now, without further ado, may I present the real beginning of _Path of the Not Quite Lost!_**

* * *

Some things, no matter what, were never good signs.

Waking up cuffed to the wall of an unfamiliar room, with a pounding headache and absolutely no clue how you got there, was on that list. Jun-Young Kim - or Jay, as he preferred to be called - wasn't sure of much, but he _was_ sure of that.

Clutching his sore head, Jay did his best to get to his feet and swept his eyes across the room as he did so. It was small, round, and had unnaturally smooth grey walls. He was also not the only one inside it.

"You're awake!" A chirpy white girl with a blonde ponytail exclaimed, beaming from where she was cuffed to the wall opposite him. "That's good, because I was starting to talk to myself and I'm not nearly as good at it as my dad is - though maybe it takes practice, I wouldn't know-"

"Where are we?" Jay asked, frowning at her. Her lack of concern for their situation of confinement was more than a bit off putting.

"No idea," she said, shrugging, but with no less cheer, "It was weird actually, I was just in London ducking into this cafe Dad swears by for some pastries and then _bam_! I wake up here, cuffed to this wall, you snoozing in front of me."

"Right," Jay said slowly, wondering if maybe she was just a bit thick, "And you don't find that...worrying?"

Her eyebrows went up and she laughed. "Oh, no, don't get me wrong, it's probably really really bad. This sort of thing just happens to me a lot, and I've gotten quite good at not panicking."

"Maybe too good," he couldn't stop himself from saying.

The bizarre girl just laughed again. "Sorry. Maybe the right amount of panic will come if I think this through more seriously." Her expression became pensive. "Alright, so I'm guessing we were brought here by teleport because of how quick it was and how we don't remember anything in between - but I suppose they could have retconned us somehow."

"What-conned?"

"Given us an amnesia drug," she explained. Already, some of her disconcerting cheer had died down, which was a relief. "But those don't tend to react well with my biology, and I feel fine, so...I don't think so. I'm going to stick with teleport. But why? And where are we?"

"You didn't think to ask that question _first_?" Jay asked incredulously. "What kind of walking white girl stereotype _are_ you?"

Her eyebrows went up. "I'm not sure I know what that is."

With his free hand, Jay face-palmed. "Nevermind. Look, if we're stuck here together, we might as well introduce ourselves. I'm Jay."

She grinned. "I'm Jenny! It's nice to meet you, Jay." She reached out her free hand across the room to shake, and their prison - if it _was_ that - was small enough that he could _just_ manage to shake it if he extended his entire arm forward.

"Nice to meet you too, I think. So, what do you think we-"

He was cut off by blaring music coming from tiny speakers in the walls that he hadn't noticed until that moment. A screen dropped from the ceiling and turned on to reveal a headshot of someone wearing the best prosthetics Jay had ever seen.

Blue skin with fine white spikes all over the angular face, but strangely not over the baldness where hair would normally be, a striking look completed by bright yellow eyes.

" _Welcome,"_ the person of indeterminable gender on the screen said, their deep voice echoing through the speakers, _"You have been selected to be participants in a grand tradition, a true honour, be assured. This grand tradition is a game of dominance - a fight to the death."_

"What?!" Jay cried. Near him, Jenny was silent and for the first time wasn't smiling.

" _An initial selection of weapons can be found at your feet. Each of you has a sponsor who selected you specially for the attributes that they believe will help you succeed in this competition. They are permitted to send you something to aid you at one point during the game when your need is dire, be it medicine or a weapon. All sponsors watch the game from the station overhead, so they will know when you most require their assistance."_

"This can't be real," Jay murmured, shaking his head.

" _If you are the last one standing, the champion, you will be given a bespoke medal and sent back to your home planet, after any medical attention you may require. Your sponsor will have their name engrained in the Cup of Victory and you will have a chance to thank them for this opportunity."_

"This is sick," Jenny said, having turned a pale shade of green. Jay was relieved to see her finally reacting the way she _should_ be, even though he was becoming less convinced of the reality of their situation by the second.

" _Now, take a moment to consider strategy. There can be two champions if they are of the same sponsor. Your podmate is the participant who shares the same sponsor as yourself and therefore your recommended ally for the course of the game - though of course, if you'd rather brave the game alone and take all the glory for yourself, the choice is yours. Wishing you the best of luck, may the game begin..._ now _."_

The restraints on their wrists snapped open and Jay shook his hand to get some of the feeling back into it.

"So, are you going to try and kill me, then?"

"What?" Jay's head snapped up, his voice betraying his alarm at both the question and how nonchalantly she had asked it.

Jenny smiled. "I'll take that as a _no_. Good. For the record, I'm not going to try and kill you either." Then she frowned. "Actually, that's probably what someone who was going to try and kill you would say. Hmm."

"No, I believe you, I think. Since being allies makes more sense," Jay said slowly. If he was shutting out his paranoia, he was fairly sure that she didn't seem the type to murder anyone in cold blood.

Then again, given their situation, it looked like they both might need to start doing things they didn't want to. Which was a thought he just couldn't quite accept, and one that brought him back to a previous train of thought.

"I mean, assuming you're even real," he muttered in Korean.

"What do you mean? Of _course_ I'm real."

His head shot up so that he could look at her incredulously. "You speak Korean?" Perhaps he had been wrong about her.

She gave him a funny look. "No. But then I'm fairly sure that neither of us speak whatever alien language the person on the screen was speaking, and we understood them just fine."

 _Alien_. Now that she said it, of course that person had been an alien. He'd thought prosthetics, but the mention of being put back on one's home planet upon winning really did suggest something a bit more extraterrestrial.

"Okay, this is _definitely_ a dream then," Jay said, proud of himself for finally vocalising what he had been suspecting from the start. He sat back down on the floor. "I mean, I've had worse. But this is just too _Hunger Games_ for me. Which is weird because I only ever saw the movies and I could never decide if I liked them or not."

"What?" Jenny asked, staring at him. "Oh. That movie about the girl with the bow and arrow. I remember being dragged to see it when I was in Cardiff, but there was just the one movie so far, I think. What year are you from?"

"2016," he replied.

"Ah. I've been in 2012 quite a bit recently because I have some friends there. Weird to think how close the years are, yet totally different. But I was in 2016 just before, getting pastries from the cafe on the corner that had a girl with pink hair and a ukulele singing inside it."

"I was outside that cafe," Jay realised, blinking, "She was right on the other side of the window to me."

"I was on the _other_ side of the cafe's corner," Jenny said, getting a bit excited, "That'll be why you're here, though! If they're selecting participants for the game, they must have some fancy scanner or something for finding the best ones possible. In the middle of London, I would've stuck out like a sore thumb. I bet you were just the most physically and mentally ideal person within teleport range in relation to me. If our sponsor had to pick a team of two."

"What makes you so special?"

She just grinned. "You probably wouldn't believe me if I told you. But my dad, now _he_ would have been even more obvious on their scanner, and he was only a few blocks down. So I bet he's here somewhere too. I wondered that anyway, what with us being able to understand the languages. If his ship's anywhere nearby it'll be translating for us….unless these people just have telepathic translators of their own, which would make a lot of sense actually. Damn."

"I don't know where the hell my brain is getting all this, I never watched much sci fi," Jay said, amazed, " _Telepathic translators_. I mean, seriously? This is one try-hard dream, man."

Jenny's expression hardened and she knelt in front of him. "Jay," she said firmly, meeting his eyes with her blue ones, "This is _not_ a dream. We have been kidnapped by some group of aliens whose idea of fun is plucking random people from their homes all across space and making them fight. And yes, that does sound a bit like the _Hunger Games_ but that doesn't make it any less real. Besides, for all we know, the lady who wrote those books could be a champion of this game that got sent home and decided to write it all down - with a few choice alterations."

Jay gave her a sceptical look and she just shrugged.

"Okay, so probably not, but it's not like fighting to death in an arena is anything new on any world, and rich people have always liked betting on lesser people's battles," she said, sighing, "I've seen it in a few different forms all over the galaxy."

"Like illegal dog fights, or people paying homeless men to fight," Jay said, remembering a time from when he'd been living in Cleveland when he'd walked in on such a situation. It turned his stomach just to recall it.

She nodded. "First thing to remember if you're getting involved in outer space shenanigans - there are awful people _everywhere_. Luckily, I've generally found that there are also nice people everywhere too."

Jay eyed the hand she had stretched out to him, and took it, letting her pull him back to his feet. "Shenanigans?" He asked, eyebrow up.

Jenny laughed. "It's a nice word, shenanigans. Dad got me onto it."

"...okay," he said, deciding that she was definitely a bit weird but in a harmless enough way, "So this is real. This alien Hunger Games thing is actually happening to us. As in, we're going to have to kill people if we want to live."

"Yes, it's real, but no, we don't _have_ to kill _anyone_ ," Jenny told him, moving to a small pile of weapons on the floor nearby and crouching to sift through it, "Like I said, I think my dad's probably here, and I'm definitely not killing him, which we'd have to do to win. That means we'll need an alternative way out, sothere's no point in us killing _anyone_ unless we absolutely have to out of self defense."

Jay felt himself relax a fraction. "...okay. Good. Because I don't think I could."

She took a crossbow from the pile and handed him a cricket bat.

"I have no idea why this is here, but whacking people over the heads with things like this is a good way to get away from people who might want to kill you without killing _them_."

He took the cricket bat and turned it over in his hands. He'd never been one for sports, but he liked to think that after years of lugging around sound equipment, his upper body strength wasn't totally abysmal.

"Okay...what's our plan?" He asked.

Jenny frowned down at the crossbow, put it back on the pile, and grabbed a slingshot instead. When she fired it at the wall, a new projectile appeared in her hand, ready to be deployed.

"That's more like it," she said, grinning, and then looked up at him after having finally registered his question. "The plan is to find my dad. He's the real pro at getting out of scrapes like this. And we'd better find him before something bad finds _us_."

They went to the round door to their pod, and she pressed the button next to it. The door slid open, revealing a dank swamp with fog thick enough that Jay couldn't see more than about ten metres ahead. The gnarled trunks and branches of leafless trees didn't help.

"Welcoming," Jay commented wryly, and Jenny sniggered next to him.

"The sad thing is, I've been places _much_ worse. This place barely even smells. Come on then." Without hesitation, she jumped down into the murky swamp water, which came up to her waist. When Jay didn't make an immediate move to follow, she turned around and lifted an eyebrow at him. "What?"

"These are new jeans," he said, aware of how stupid it sounded but unable to help it, "It took me _three hours_ to find ones that fit me right."

Jenny seemed torn between exasperation and amusement. "Look, if we get out of here alive, I'll personally take you shopping for a new pair. Hell, I'll buy you _ten_ new pairs. But _please_ get a move on."

With a heavy sigh, Jay held his cricket bat a little tighter and jumped out of the doorway. The swamp water splashed up into his face and he spat out the disgusting mouthful that tasted how old socks smelled.

"Why are jeans called pairs anyway?" Jenny mused as she began making her way forward and Jay began what he knew would be a long and petty mourning process for his jeans as he followed her.

"Because English is a stupid language?" He hadn't even noticed that he had switched back from Korean to English, given how they were apparently being translated regardless, but he definitely had or else this change of subject would never have come up.

"It definitely is, but I've heard stupider. Honestly, some of the things aliens come up with are just _bizarre_."

"Well, I've never tried to learn an alien language," Jay said, "Just English."

Jenny didn't have time to reply before a creature half their size leapt out from behind a tree stump and latched onto Jay. He yelled and did his best to hold it at arm's length with his free hand, something that turned out to be a good tactic since he quickly realised that it had very pointed teeth and was trying to get his throat.

Just when it tried gnawing at his arm instead, it went limp and he held it as far away from him as possible by his forefinger and thumb. He glanced sideways to see Jenny still holding up the slingshot that had fired the projectile which had knocked the creature out.

"Thanks," he said, heart pounding.

"Any time. Now, give it here." Jenny took their attacker from a very willing Jay and marched over to the tree stump it had hidden behind. "Bring me one of those vines."

"Why?" Jay asked as he did just that.

She took the vine and started using it to tie the creature to the stump tightly, using knots that looked positively military grade. "Like I said - no killing. But we also don't want it following us. It wants to win just as much as we do."

"Oh! I thought the others would look more like...people. Or be bald and green with big black eyes."

"They're aliens. Some will be humanoid, some won't be," Jenny said, shrugging as she finished up the knot and stepped back to admire her handiwork, "But they're all people. Just different people to what you're used to."

"I guess so," Jay said, frowning, "I hadn't thought about it like that." A very belated thought occurred to him. "Hang on. Are _you_ an alien?"

"Yep," Jenny replied, "I've spent a lot of time on Earth though. It's nice."

"Uh, thanks? But...if you're an alien, why don't you look like one? I mean, you don't even have funny ears like that guy in Star Trek."

She gave him a weird look.

"Or are you wearing some kind of disguise? So you could blend in while getting pastries?"

"This is what I actually look like, Jay," she said, snorting, "Trust me, if I was wearing a disguise, I'd have picked something that looks a little more impressive than, well, me."

"But people always underestimate tiny blonde girls," he pointed out.

Jenny grinned. "That's true. And I'd be lying if I said it hadn't come in handy quite a few times. Alright, so maybe I _wouldn't_ change how I look. Not before I have to, anyway."

They walked in silence for a bit, but a new question nagged at Jay's mind and wouldn't be pushed down.

"So, that thing about not killing anyone unless we absolutely have to," he began, wary of broaching the topic because he wasn't sure he wanted to know the answer to what he was about to ask, "Have you ever killed anyone before?"

Jenny glanced at him, her mouth tight. "No. But I've come close a few times. Closer than I'd like. And hopefully, as close as I'll ever get."

"Okay," Jay said, nodding a little. It was quietly reassuring to know that she'd not actually killed anyone and didn't want to, but probably could if necessary. The strangeness of his own thoughts caught up with him and he groaned. "Man, I just wanted some coffee. How did I end up here?"

Jenny laughed as he looked down at his ruined jeans morosely, and gave him a sympathetic pat on the back.

"Then again," he mused, " _A little nonsense now and then, is cherished by the wisest men_." When Jenny shot him a questioning look, he was quick to say, "Roald Dahl."

"Oh. I think I caught Dad reading one of his books once. Something about a wonderful fox?"

"Fantastic Mr Fox," Jay corrected, "Dahl is my favourite author who writes in English. Even if his books are intended for children."

"Nothing wrong with being childish."

He grinned at her. "Exactly- _ah!_ "

His shout of surprise echoed all around them and the alien he'd spotted behind a tree jumped even higher than Jenny. It let out a shriek and scrambled for a nearby branch which it then brandished in his direction. Jay lifted his cricket bat, ready to strike the moment the alien made its advance. Likewise, Jenny had her slingshot ready to fire.

But the alien never charged. It stayed as they were, waiting. After about ten seconds of their standoff, Jenny's expression softened and she slowed her weapon slightly.

"You don't want to fight us," she said, voicing what Jay himself had just realised.

"What?" The alien replied. It was taller than both of them but not obscenely so, and much skinnier. It had a vivid orange complexion and a third eye in the middle of its forehead.

"You don't want to fight in this game," Jay repeated, letting his cricket bat drop back to his side (but not loosening his grip, just in case).

"Well of course I don't!" It snapped, tugging on a tuft of its bushy white hair nervously. "I'm a _carpenter_."

"A carpenter?"

"And what's wrong with that?"

"Uh, nothing," Jay was quick to say, "Just not what I expected. I'm sure you make great...whatever it is you make."

"Smooth recovery," Jenny murmured.

"Shut up," he whispered back, flushing.

"What about you?" The alien demanded, taking a step away from them before lowering the branch. "The two of you aren't attacking me either."

"I'm a bartender, man," Jay told it, "Who tries to get noticed at open mic nights on my nights off. Not really about the whole murdering and violence thing any more than carpenters are."

"Yeah, and I'm just...well, me," Jenny said vaguely, crossing her arms and eyeing the alien curiously. "More importantly, why do you sound sort of Welsh?"

Jay thought that the alien sounded a bit funny, but hadn't been able to pinpoint it.

"What's Welsh?" The alien asked.

Jenny sighed. "Well, it was worth a try. Probably just a weird translation quirk. _Anyway-_ " She grinned at the alien. "I'm Jenny, and this is Jay. How about you?"

"I'm called Morlon."

"Gender?"

"If we're talking in your terms, probably whatever the one next to you is."

"Male or close enough to slash equivalent of, then. Cool. But why aren't you with your sponsor partner?"

"She tried to kill me the moment I turned my back on her outside the pod," Morlon told them, twisting his hands nervously, "But I'm quick so I just ran and ran until I heard you two, and then I hid, and then you spotted me and we both screamed, and-"

"Yeah, we were there are for that bit," Jay reminded him.

"Oh. Of course."

"Well, Morlon, we're trying to find my dad who I think is one of the other contestants, so that we can get out of this game without having to kill anyone. Want to join us?" Jenny asked brightly.

"Oh," he said, surprised, "Well, er, if I say no, will you be angry or hurt me?"

"No," Jay said, frowning at him.

"Then yes."

Jenny blinked. "...was that a test?"

Morlon scratched his head and two of his eyes looked at the ground. "Possibly. No offense intended, of course, my lady, but the last time someone betrayed me was fifteen minutes ago, so you can't really blame me for trying to be cautious and get a better reading of who I'm trusting."

"Understood," Jenny said, "Since we have the same reservations ourselves. But unfortunately trust is about all we've got. So, if we're done chatting, I'd suggest we keep moving."

Morlon didn't seem any more keen to walk in front of them than they were on the opposite, but finally he conceded and they were free to fall in behind him.

"He called you _my lady_ ," Jay quietly said to Jenny, rather amused.

She sniffed. "So? My dad's a lord, so he wasn't _wrong_. Still, I don't think he could know that, so maybe I was just acting really authoritative or posh."

"The first one."

"Oh thank god, because I'm rubbish at being posh. I've tried. But I was born wearing army boots and that's just the way it's going to stay, apparently."

Jay ignored what had to be an inaccurate metaphor of some kind and was about to ask her more about her dad (who sounded more and more interesting with every mention he got) when their surroundings went fuzzy, just for a moment. When they came back into focus, the three of them were standing in the wreckage of a building, wooden and stone debris all around them and a torn ceiling above their heads.

"Um," was all he suddenly had the ability to say.

"This place must be some kind of simulation," Jenny said from beside him, "Because I don't think we've physically _gone_ anywhere. Like, not a simulation in the sense that we're not really here, but in that anything around us isn't."

"At this point, I'll take your word for it. But why change the simulation?" He asked her, getting back to the point. "Why not just keep the swamp?"

"Because they're obviously dickheads?" Morlon said from where he was standing nearby with his arms crossed over his hairy chest.

Jay frowned at the cuss word that sounded totally bizarre coming from his mouth before realising that, like his accent, it was likely just another translation thing and not that the word he'd used as an insult was universal (though that was far from impossible now that he thought about it).

Jenny started giggling and she shook her head before taking the lead, pushing on and leaving Morlon and Jay to trail behind. They walked for several minutes in silence, even though Jay kept getting the urge to try and talk to Morlon, to at least say _something_. But while Jenny was an alien as well, she didn't _seem_ like one, so she was easy enough to talk to.

Though, thinking more on it, that was probably more of a Jenny thing than it was a thing for whatever species she was.

Still, he couldn't shake the part of him that found it difficult to strike up a conversation with someone who looked like Morlon.

 _What do you know, I'm sort of racially prejudiced. Not something I'd have believed when I woke up this morning_ , he thought ironically, frowning and trying even harder to tell himself that Morlon wasn't theoretically any different from him.

In the absence of the nerve to chat, Jay examined his new surroundings more closely instead. With its hole-ridden white walls, the place reminded him of an abandoned office building, but maybe one from a futuristic video game where everything had been trashed by zombies or an equally destructive equivalent.

Disturbed by that strange train of thought, Jay barely noticed that they had reached the door at the end of a corridor. When Jenny pushed through it and held the door open for him and Morlon to pass, they came out onto a balcony in a multi-level space, with their level a square border surrounding a large space in the middle that looked down to the ground below.

The second he looked down to see the no-holds-barred fight taking place on the ground was the same second before the floor underneath their feet gave out.

Morlon's scream was louder than Jay's and Jenny's combined. As they fell it became apparent that the levels beneath them weren't intact, because they didn't stop at the next floor but rather kept falling until they finally hit the ground with no small amount of force.

Jay groaned as the edge of a piece of rubble broke his fall by jamming into his back. For what was by Jenny's guess a simulated environment, the pain was all too real.

"Are you guys alright?" Jenny asked as she picked herself up and winced.

"Ish," Jay replied.

Morlon staggered to his feet. "Maybe."

Unfortunately, their descent had been anything but silent, and the group that had been brawling turned to look at the trio that had just unceremoniously entered.

"Shit," Jenny said, her eyes immediately darting around in search of an exit. Jay followed her gaze and saw that the only one was on the other side of the group of hostile aliens.

Brilliant.

The majority of the aliens were of a height or bulk far superior to Jenny, Jay, or Morlon, and the smaller ones looked just as deadly. Most were armed - nothing too sophisticated, but then that was hardly necessary to do lethal damage.

"Well, we have a pointy stick that'll probably break on impact, a rectangular club, and a small projectile launcher," Morlon said, inching behind Jay and Jenny, "I don't suppose you want to swap, dark haired one? I fancy the changes of the club better than my stick."

"I don't think it's going to do any of us much good, Morlon, no matter who has which," Jay replied. He was about to ask Jenny what their plan was when a few of the aliens charged towards them and half of the others took advantage of the distraction to attack the other remaining half.

Jay grabbed Morlon and dragged him sideways, out of the path of the tall snarling creature with antlers that had been about to ram them head on.

"Run!" He told his ally, who wasted no time in doing so. A smaller alien leapt towards them but Jay managed to lift the cricket bat in time and whack it out of the way.

Morlon was easy to catch up with because he kept stopping to flinch every time one of their opponents came anywhere near him. Jay slammed the end of the bat into the face of a rodent-like alien that had latched on to Morlon's arm. It howled in pain, and a prod in the eye from Morlon's stick had it leaping back, giving them the chance to keep running towards the door that they had almost reached.

"Thank you, my boy," Morlon panted.

"Don't mention it."

"Whyever not?"

"Oh. Uh, it's a phrase."

"Evidently, but what's wrong with it?"

Jay laughed at the confusion on his face. "If we get out of this alive, I'll explain it to you properly, but for now it might have to wait-"

That was when Jay realised that they had totally forgotten about Jenny, and panic rose in his chest.

"Jenny?!" He called out over the din of murder and violence all around them, his grip still firm around Morlon's elbow as he dragged him onward.

"I'm alright!" The shout came from the other side of the courtyard. Jay tried to make her out, but there were too many blurred bodies of wrestling aliens in the way.

Jay ran further, and finally caught sight of Jenny just in time to see her roundhouse kick a vicious blue alien woman making a grab for her. He let out a whoop of encouragement without really knowing why, and she grinned at him as she sprinted in their direction.

They reached the door and hit the switch to open it, but when Jay turned around to usher Morlon through it, the alien wasn't behind him.

He was about eight metres back, with an arrow in his side.

"Help me!" He cried, but before Jay could take even a step, Morlon was grabbed by an alien with muscles so large they wouldn't have been physically possible on a human. "No, please-"

He was thrown into the concrete with a force that made the cracking of his skull audible even over the din of the fighting. Green liquid which had to be blood splattered across and stained the stark ground.

Jay was frozen. He couldn't look away from the horrific sight. Next to him he thought he could hear someone shouting, but his brain didn't register it. Morlon was dead. He'd just seen him be brutally murdered. He'd just witnessed a murder, and it was real, that awkward carpenter that Jay had been initially afraid to talk to was dead. And it was because Jay had taken his eyes off him.

"Jay!"

Being slapped across the face brought him back to his surroundings, which were no longer the same. They were in a different courtyard, an abandoned one, and Jenny was standing right in front of him, eyes wide with worry.

"Are you okay?"

"How did we get here?" He asked, still dazed.

"You kind of...spaced out," she said, frowning, "I had to drag you out the door and through here. But I shut it behind us and smashed the controls, so hopefully no one will be able to follow us."

"Morlon," Jay murmured, horror and nausea gripping his gut as the sight of their ally's broken body and blood on the ground flashed back across his mind. "I-"

He turned his head just in time to avoid being sick all over Jenny's boots. She patted him on the back as the remnants of his morning cereal came up.

"Sorry," he whispered when he was done, wincing as he wiped his mouth on the back of his hand.

Jenny just shook her head. There was a powerful empathy in the way she was looking at him. "It's okay, I've been there."

"He's _dead_. I was just starting to like him."

"I know."

Even if she was doing a good job of keeping herself composed, Jay could see that Morlon's death had affected her just as much as it had him. Somehow, that made him feel better.

Then Jenny's head whipped around, her eyes widening even though Jay couldn't see or hear anything that explained her reaction, given that they were alone in an enclosed courtyard.

"What is it?" He asked her.

"My dad," she breathed, a grin blooming on her face, "My dad's nearby."

"How do you know?"

"I can sense him," she said, like that explained everything, and just squealed and grabbed his hand, "Come on!"

That was how Jay found himself being dragged along by an excitable, blonde, possibly telepathic alien, through a landscape that changed into a forest around them not a minute after they started running.

Maybe he _was_ still dreaming. But he really didn't think he possessed this level of imagination, so there wasn't much to do but wait and see if he woke up. But hopefully if he did, it wouldn't be before he met this mysterious father Jenny hadn't been able to stop going on about.

* * *

 **I'm sorry that the Doctor didn't actually appear in this chapter, but he's in from more or less the beginning of the next one and being the Doctor will of course be there to stay.**

 **Thanks for reading! It's been a while since I've done an adventure arc on this scale, so I'd love to know what you thought!**

 **-MayFairy :)**

 **p.s. A few people were worried about Aliya's absence from the story cover, but don't panic, it just looked better with only three pictures, is all! She's joining the story in the next chapter just like the Doctor.**

Guest Review Replies:

EvenEth13 - _Glad to see you so excited for the new story! It's super exciting for me to finally be up for it! And yeah, don't worry about Aliya not being in the cover, she's fine and will definitely be around for the whole of this story. It's nice to see you worrying about her, though!_


	3. A Deadly Game: The Doctor

**And the Doctor is in!**

* * *

The forest landscape was easier to navigate than the swamp and somehow friendlier than the building simulation. Something Jay did notice was that it didn't smell like a forest. Now that he thought about it, none of the landscapes had smelt of anything. Which made perfect sense if they weren't real like Jenny had theorised, but it was still _weird_.

Something he'd been overjoyed to realise was that the muck on his jeans from the swamp had disappeared, probably when the swamp simulation had. Having his jeans more or less back to prime condition was a ridiculous thing to feel happy about since he'd just seen someone murdered, but he couldn't help it.

"How much further?" He asked Jenny, who hadn't slowed even a fraction since she had started pulling him along at least five minutes ago.

"I don't know."

"What do you mean you don't know? And how can you _sense_ him in the first place?"

"His species are telepathic."

"Wouldn't that also be your species?"

"Well, yeah. Sort of. It's complicated." Jenny made a face. " _Anyway_ , point is that I'm getting better at it, but I'm still a beginner so I'm not much good at anything complicated yet. The actual sensing part comes mostly automatically now though."

"Oh, okay-"

Jay's response died when a very fat navy alien with tusks emerged from behind a tree and tried to swing at Jenny with a large mace. Jenny, who was in a state of pure focus, didn't even flinch. She ducked out of the way of the mace and then shot up to punch her attacker square in the nose, with enough force to knock it out cold.

"We really are close now, I think," she said nonchalantly as she stepped around the unconscious creature, "Come on."

"You might be the coolest person I've ever met," Jay told her, awed, hurrying to follow her and just glad that she had finally slowed to a walk.

Jenny grinned at him over her shoulder. "And that might be the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me." Jay grinned back, and wanted to continue talking to her, but was still too out of breath from all the running and instead chose to keep quiet so that he could recover more quickly.

After a few minutes they could faintly hear voices in the distance.

"Can you-"

Jenny clapped a hand over his mouth before he could finish his question. "Yes, I can hear that," she said, beaming, "And I know those voices."

She tugged him onward until they came out of the line of trees and found themselves on the side of a large running stream.

On the other side of it, almost directly opposite them, were two people who were either human or aliens that like Jenny bore similar resemblance. The man caught Jay's attention instantly. He looked about ten years older than Jay but was dressed in tweed and a bowtie like some sort of weird old professor. He wasn't ugly, but there was something unconventional about his face and it seemed like his eyebrows were all but non-existent.

He was busy arguing with some other blonde in a brown leather jacket. Jay couldn't make out all of their conversation, but was fairly sure he caught the word 'moron' being flung in the man's direction by his companion.

"Dad!" Jenny called, her hands cupped around her mouth. The pair over the stream stopped arguing to look at her, and both of their faces lit up.

"Jenny!" The man shouted, beaming as he ran across the stream to get to her, soaking himself up to mid-calf. Jenny did the same, running until she was able to meet him in the middle of the water and jump into his arms for a very energetic hug.

 _Wait,_ Dad _?!_

Jay was baffled. This man couldn't be much more than five years older than Jenny, ten at the _absolute_ most. How could he possibly be her father? And yet, the two were exchanging a very affectionate embrace and Jenny had _definitely_ called him dad.

Movement near him shook Jay from his thoughts, and he looked to see that the other blonde had almost made her way across the stream by walking on top of the rocks, ending up about a metre away from him.

"Hi," she said brightly, "I'm- _oh_!" Jenny had launched herself at her for a hug as well, but despite her initial surprise at the impact, it took only a second for the older blonde to be grinning at the girl. "It's good to see you too, Jenny. But there are perfectly good rocks for crossing bodies of water without soaking one's feet, you know."

"Oh, it'll dry out the moment the simulation setting changes," the man who was possibly Jenny's father said as he made his way out of the water and shook his legs off, "Besides, it's not like we dragged you in with us."

Jenny and the woman made their way across the rocks to where Jay was standing, and the man soon joined them.

"So who's this?" He asked Jenny, looking at Jay with friendly interest.

Jenny grinned and put her hand on Jay's shoulder. "This is Jay, my pod partner. Apparently he was around the corner from where I was buying pastries. Jay, this is the Doctor, my dad, and our friend Aliya."

"Nice to meet you, Jay," the Doctor said, moving to shake his hand enthusiastically, "Ooh! Nice cricket bat. There was a time in my life when I would have been especially glad to see that, I was a real crack shot-"

"Is this really the time for nostalgia?" Aliya interrupted, frowning at him.

He mostly ignored her and turned back to Jay. "You and Jenny have had each other's backs, I hope."

"Uh, I suppose so," Jay said unsurely. He looked back to Aliya, who just gave an awkward wave for a greeting. "And, I guess, nice to meet both of you too. But, uh, how can you be her dad? And what kind of name is _the Doctor_? This isn't some weird translation thing again is it?"

Jenny laughed. "No, he's really just called the Doctor. And as for how he's my dad, it's a bit complicated. If we get the chance, I'll explain later. Or even better, Dad can."

"But yeah, for now, we should probably focus on getting out of here," the Doctor said, nodding and rubbing his hands together. "Okay, team. Ooh, team, not had a team before, I like it, should we make up a cool team name-"

"Doctor-" Aliya gave him an exasperated look, and he made a face.

"Yeah, sorry, maybe not the time. _Anyway_ , so, plan. It's funny you mentioned the translators actually, Jay, because those are quite key to scoping out this whole place. Because I can tell the difference between the translating done by my ship and any other kind, and this is _definitely_ the other kind."

"Is that good or bad?" Jay asked.

"Well, it's a whole bus stop from good, that's for sure, because it means my ship isn't anywhere nearby."

"It'll be back in London," Aliya said, sighing.

"Which, if we're in space, isn't terribly helpful," Jenny agreed, making a face. "So what's the plan then? I'm assuming we're going to get out of this game and try to shut it down?"

"Yes, exactly," the Doctor said, "And to do that, we need to be up where the sponsors and hosts are. There must be a control room of some kind up there, so that's where we want to be."

"But how would we get there?"

The Doctor grinned at Jay after he asked the question. "Something worth learning about me, Jay, is that I'm _very_ good with teleports. All we need to do is get back into one of the pods that we came out of and make a few...adjustments."

"The best way to do that would be to follow the perimeter of the arena, then," Jenny suggested, and her father clapped her on the shoulder, a proud look on his face.

"Exactly. Come on, let's get going."

"But which way _is_ the perimeter?" Aliya pointed out, making the Doctor stop before he'd taken even two steps.

"Ah," he said, frowning.

It took them a good twenty minutes to find it, but once they did they set off walking in the hopes the nearest pod wasn't _too_ far off. The Doctor and Aliya took the lead while Jay and Jenny fell into step some way behind them.

"So, could you explain how he's your dad when he looks so young?" Jay asked his podmate.

Jenny just shrugged. "Well, as far as I understand it, I was basically grown from a sample of his cells. Sort of like a clone, but not a clone. A generated anomaly that came out fully grown. That's how I got my name."

Generated anomaly. Jenny.

"Oh," he said, unable to come up with anything more intelligent.

"Yeah," Jenny said, and then grinned at him, "Believe it or not, I'm only four years old. Well, almost four and a half now."

Jay scratched the back of his head, doing his best not to gape at her. "That's _way_ too weird."

"But I'm _not_ a child," Jenny was quick to add.

"Obviously," Jay said, lifting an eyebrow at her. He'd spent enough time with her to be sure of her adulthood, even if she was obviously still young at heart - but then, so was Jay, and her father seemed much the same as well.

Jenny seemed pleased by his response, and wore a small smile as they continued to walk. Around them, the arena changed back to the abandoned building simulation, and the abrupt change from compact dirt to ragged carpet under them took a few seconds to get used to.

He was about to ask Jenny about her father's 'ship' when a figure burst through a plaster wall into the corridor where they were walking - in front of Jay and Jenny, but behind where the Doctor and Aliya were about ten metres away.

"Dad, look out!" Jenny yelled, as the hostile alien made a beeline for her father and his friend. They whipped around just in time, and when the alien tried to take a swipe at the Doctor, Aliya jumped in front of him and was thrown into the wall, cracking it on impact. Her body crumbled to the floor and it was impossible to tell if she was unconscious or injured or worse.

Distracted by his friend's lack of movement, the Doctor didn't notice the alien reaching to grab him around the neck until it was too late. It lifted him from the ground and he gasped for air as his legs dangled uselessly a foot from the carpet.

"Let go of him!" Jenny shouted, and to Jay's shock she immediately ran forward and launched herself onto the creature's back, legs wrapping around its body while her hands came over its face.

The alien roared and relinquished its hold on the Doctor. The man in the bowtie dropped to the ground and sat on his heels, gulping in much needed oxygen and rubbing his neck.

Meanwhile, the alien was trying to shake Jenny off its back, but she was hanging on with a very impressive grip. When the hulking creature started turning its body and stepping backwards, Jay realised it was going to back into the wall to try and knock her out that way. Panicking at the thought of Jenny being rammed into the wall, he braced himself before throwing himself at the floor behind the alien's legs.

Sure enough, when it tried to take another step it fell over backwards. Jay realised the error of his decision when Jenny was the one who hit the floor and the creature fell on top of her. Her cry of pain made him curse his own stupidity, but she was able to wriggle free and he was quick to help her up.

"I'm okay," Jenny assured him, wincing, "It didn't land right on me, no matter how it might have looked." The alien made a grab for her leg, and her foot darted out to kick it square in the face, knocking it out. She looked as surprised as Jay was at the action. "Even after a few years, those soldier reflexes are still weird," she said with a frown, "And not half unnerving."

"Aliya!" The Doctor hurried to where his friend was still crumbled on the floor, and shook her gently until she began to stir.

"I'm okay," she mumbled, sitting up slowly and wincing, "But _ow_."

"What were you thinking, jumping in front of me like that?" He demanded, managing the mix of concern and exasperation expertly.

Her expression was sheepish as she ran a hand through her chin-length hair. "Well, I wasn't, really."

The Doctor rolled his eyes. "Clearly. Come on." He gave her a hand up and they had all of one second to properly recover from the experience before the yell of another attacker had them turning around to see a smaller alien armed with a sword charging them. "Oh, not _again!_ Run!"

He grabbed Jenny's hand, and Aliya grabbed Jay's, and the four of them ran in the opposite direction as fast as they could. It was fast enough to prevent their pursuer from gaining any ground, but they didn't manage to put any more distance between themselves and him either.

"Even if we come across a pod door," Jenny said, "How long will it take to open?"

"Too long," the Doctor replied, looking over his shoulder at the green alien with creepy red eyes that held as much murderous intent as ever.

"Do we have a plan for ditching this guy?" Jay asked desperately.

"Well, not as such."

"Jenny said you were good with plans!"

"I'm not a miracle worker!"

Around them, the simulation changed back into the swamp setting and they fell into the bog before they could see it coming. Even as he mourned his jeans for the second time, Jay was hit with inspiration. It wasn't terribly good inspiration, but it was better than nothing.

"Aliya, or Doctor, can you climb that vine?" He asked them urgently.

"Er," they said in unison, exchanging looks that made it clear they couldn't, or at least not well.

"I can," Jenny told him.

"But we need the slingshot."

"I'm a great shot with a slingshot," the Doctor said quickly, and his daughter threw it to him before hurrying over to the vine Jay had pointed out.

"What's the plan?"

"Calling it a plan might be, how do you say it? Jumping the gun," Jay said, wincing, "Just climb the vine and jump down on the alien when you get the chance." Jenny nodded and started climbing the vine with very impressive speed.

"Where does the slingshot come in?" The Doctor asked.

"Me and you hope that a slingshot and cricket bat can hold off a scary thing with a sword."

Rather than being discouraged, the other man just grinned at him and readied the slingshot with a projectile. "This is my kind of plan."

At any other time that would have been the opposite of encouraging, but in that moment it made Jay grin back and hold his cricket bat a little higher.

"What about me?" Aliya asked.

"Well, er, I guess you can be bait or something if you like?"

She huffed. "Oh, great."

There wasn't time to discuss it further, because their attacker was upon them. The Doctor hit it square in the jaw with a projectile, and Jay charged it with the cricket bat. Unfortunately, the projectile hadn't phased it much and it knew all too well how to dodge a strike and use its sword. Jay very narrowly avoided getting his hand chopped off - which was he thankful for if only because it would have made the day just a little _too_ much like Star Wars.

They jumped back as the alien brandished the sword almost wildly. When it made a slash at the Doctor, the man just swerved out of the way, the grin on his face never wavering. For the first time, Jay saw his resemblance to Jenny - that unnerving enjoyment of dangerous situations. Thankfully, at least one member of their little team had some sense; Aliya had situated herself firmly behind the Doctor and Jay, and the small glances back at her he could allow himself had him seeing how tense she was and how she winced at every slash of the sword that came in their direction.

The Doctor managed to get in a well timed projectile that hit the alien in the middle of its large forehead, dazing it just enough to let Jay get in and whack it on the hand hard enough to make it drop the sword.

Jenny dropped from the vine on top of the creature and knocked it into the swamp muck face first. As she wrestled with its arm to keep them secure behind its back, Jay rushed to assist her while Aliya got the Doctor to help grab some of the nearby vines. The ensuing task of trying to tie their captive up was tricky and took a good minute and a half, but finally the creature was firmly tied to a dead tree.

"Yes!" Jay exclaimed, grinning. "I can't believe that actually worked!" He turned to the nearest person, which was Aliya, and held up his hand for a high five. She just stared at it.

"What are you doing?" She asked.

"I'm...trying to hi-five you."

"Oh," she said, tilting her head slightly, "Oh right, that's a thing your people do, isn't it?" She lifted her hand and gave him the most awkward hi-five he had ever been privy to. If he had been on Earth with humans, he might have made fun, but she looked so proud of herself that he couldn't bring himself to do anything but return her grin.

The Doctor seemed to like his idea because he immediately rushed in to give him a double hi-five along with a giant grin, and Jenny joined in a moment later.

" _Ow_ ," Jenny said after hi-fiving Jay, and for the first time Jay realised belatedly that he was also in pain from the celebratory exchanges. The two of them eyed their hands, which were covered in scratches from the alien's horrifically sharp nails.

"This is going to make playing guitar a nightmare until they heal," Jay complained.

"You play guitar?" Jenny asked with interest, apparently instantly forgetting her own mild injuries. "Oh wait, yeah, you said something to Morlon about going to open mic nights. I mean, those are where people play music, right? I think I have that right."

"Who's Morlon?" The Doctor asked.

"A friend we made," his daughter said sadly. Her tone made it obvious what had happened to him and the Doctor just gave her a sympathetic look before glancing at Aliya, who was sporting a lump on her hairline.

"I got hit in the head _again_ ," she groaned, and wavered a little before putting a hand on the Doctor's shoulder to steady herself, "Plus that running after the first time...I think I'm going to be sick."

She did look a bit green, but after about ten seconds of their expecting her to make the swamp water even more gross than it already was, she shook her head.

"I'm okay," she muttered, frowning as she looked down at her sodden jeans. "Why did it have to be the swamp setting? These are my favourite jeans."

"Tell me about it," Jay said, sighing.

"They reset when the simulation does!" Jenny said with great exasperation as she looked between the two of them. "You don't see Dad complaining about how his jacket's all dirty, and that's much less common than some pair of blue trousers!"

"Wait, my jacket?" The Doctor looked down to see that it was indeed splattered with swamp goop. "Ewww. My poor jacket! What's the nasty simulation done to you?"

Jenny went from exasperated to completely unamused. "Honestly! I don't know if I'll ever understand you civilian types."

Jay mouthed 'civilian types?' at Aliya questioningly, but she just shook her head.

"I thought I was a soldier too, as far as you're concerned?" The Doctor asked his daughter. "Wait, no, nevermind that, we should probably keep going." He took a look around. "I think I can see the door to a pod over there. We'll be on the sponsor ship in no time."

"I'm not even sure that's a good idea," Aliya said, crossing her arms, "If we go up there and _don't_ land in a secluded spot, we'll probably be shot on sight, or something to that effect."

"Which is why I'll make sure that doesn't happen."

"You can't just say that and hope it'll be true!"

"I'm very good with teleports!"

"Even to places you've never been in your entire life?"

"Probably!"

"Oh, probably? You want to bank all our lives on a _probably_?"

Jay awkwardly stepped back from the argument, closer to Jenny who had sighed and started examining her nails. A flashback to the two older members of the group arguing when he had first seen them prompted the whispered question that came next.

"Does this happen a lot?"

"You have no idea," Jenny said flatly, rolling her eyes.

"Alright, if you have such a problem with it, what's _your_ plan?" The Doctor asked Aliya, and threw his hands up in the air when she was stonily silent. "Aha! There we have it. As usual, you don't have one. So stop criticising me unless you actually have a better solution."

"Just because your plan is the only plan, doesn't make it a good way forward-"

"Oh my god, shut up, the pair of you!" Jenny shouted out of nowhere, making them both stop and turn to stare at her. "I've had enough of this. Aliya, we're going with Dad's plan, majority vote wins. Dad, she's got a point about it being dangerous, you need to take extra time to make sure you're going to get the teleport right. Now let's just _go_."

With resigned huffs, they followed her towards the pod door and Jay fell in behind. He was quietly impressed by the weight Jenny's opinion held with her older companions, especially since one of them was her father and more than a little arrogant.

When they reached the pod door, the Doctor got out a strange looking device from his pocket that Jay could only seriously hope wasn't a vibrator. The noise it made was far from helpful in discouraging that particular theory, but he was fairly sure most vibrators couldn't open metal alien doors.

"What is that thing?" He asked Jenny as the Doctor led the way inside.

"Sonic screwdriver," she replied, smiling at him, "Pretty neat, huh?"

"Yeah, I mean, it seems like it comes in handy," Jay said, shrugging. He was just quietly relieved that it had a legitimate and perfectly innocent name that he could use to think about it which wasn't something he would be embarrassed to say in front of his mother.

The Doctor and Aliya had made a beeline for the two floor panels of the pod that were glowing a faint pink. With the help of the sonic screwdriver, the panels came off to reveal a mass of circuitry. While that much technology made Jay want to panic, the Doctor and Aliya didn't so much as blink and instead sat down on either side of one of the openings.

"What do you need from me?" She asked him.

"Go to the other teleport and do exactly what I do," he told her, and she hurried to do just that. "Alright, so first we've got to get into the interface without triggering any alarms-"

"I can do _that_ ," Aliya said, snorting, "Bit of faith, thanks. It's the actual teleport stuff I'm not much good with."

The two of them sifted through the wiring in their sections of the floor and went about rearranging more wires than Jay could keep track of. They worked in silence for about twenty seconds while the others just watched, and then Aliya let out an exclamation of triumph a few seconds before the Doctor did.

"Okay, now what?" She asked him.

"First, check the capacitor is still working-"

"I did that already-"

"And the particle binder."

"...oh. How did that get unplugged?"

While the Doctor grinned at his friend's confusion, Jay moved in close to Jenny again, amazed at what was happening before him even if perhaps he shouldn't have been.

"So, you travel around with geniuses?"

"I guess you could say that," Jenny said, shrugging, "Aliya was a spaceship mechanic before she started travelling with Dad, and Dad...well, he's just really good at basically everything. Everything like this, anyway."

"Are you a genius too?"

She grinned at him. "I definitely have the genes. Still have a lot of learning to do, though." They watched their companions work for a while. "So, if you go to open mic nights, do you sing too?"

"Yeah," he said, smiling, "I write songs."

"What about?"

Jay shrugged. "Anything I like. I'm sure I'll find some inspiration in the total weird of today if I ever get back to my guitar."

"Jenny, if you could keep watch for any of our competitors while you chat, that would be very helpful," the Doctor said, his mouth full of wires. Jenny rolled her eyes and grabbed Jay so that they could walk to the door of the pod and look out at the desolate simulation of the swamp.

Jay took another look at her as they stood there together. Physically she looked older than him, but not by too much, yet he knew that she was apparently only four years old. There was a juvenile light in her eyes that still surprised him every time he saw it, but there was something very appealing about it.

Maybe it was just that she was this positive force, and he'd spent too long in the UK or the US with people who were for the most part utterly miserable.

"You're staring at me," Jenny said without turning her head towards him.

"Sorry," Jay stammered.

"Don't be. But why were you?"

"You're just...different to anyone I've met before," he said honestly, realising he'd be sorry to part ways with her once they got out of this.

Jenny finally glanced his way, her blue eyes curious. "Different how?"

Jay ran a hand through his hair awkwardly. "It's hard to explain. I don't know. Forget I said anything, I just haven't been in London long and haven't made a lot of friends yet-"

"We can be friends," Jenny said, "That'd be really nice."

"Oh," Jay said, shoving his hands into his sodden jean pockets, "Okay. Cool. But, I don't know how to keep in contact with aliens. Do you have outer space Facebook or something?"

"I have a phone," Jenny laughed, before becoming more thoughtful. "Mind you, we might not need that. You could...come with us."

"Come with you where?"

Jenny spread her arms and grinned. "Anywhere you like! Dad's ship travels in time and space, so when I say anywhere, I mean it."

"Travels in _time_?" Jay repeated, his jaw dropping. "Wait, yeah, you said something when we first left our pod about spending time in 2012 recently. I didn't think about what you meant. But you meant it literally."

"Yep."

"So you're not just aliens, you're time travelling aliens."

Her grin slipped a little. "Are you freaking out?"

"No," he said, knowing how unconvincing it sounded, running his hand through his hair again, "Yes. Maybe. It's just a bit much."

Jenny moved closer and put a hand on his arm. "Hey, it's okay. I know it's a lot to take in. And we _can_ just take you home when we get out of this. You don't have to come anywhere with us."

"That would be good" Jay admitted, nodding, "Home sounds good right now."

Jenny smiled at him and was about to say something when her eyes fixed on something behind his shoulder and narrowed. "What's that?"

He turned around to look where she was, and saw fog coming in fast that was an odd yellow colour, different to the light fog that hung around the swamp simulation. This fog looked thicker. More real.

"Dad, how's that teleport coming?" Jenny asked over her shoulder, urgently.

"Still a while to go yet, why?"

"I think we have a problem-" The fog, which really was _scarily_ swift, reached them and Jenny and Jay let out simultaneous cries of pain.

It _burned_.

"Jenny!" The Doctor said with concern, right before the fog hit him and Aliya as well. " _Ow_!"

The pain only got worse, and the Doctor and Aliya were quick to untangle themselves from the wires they were immersed in so that they could approach the others.

"The swamp water," the Doctor managed to say, even as his skin started to blister. Jay could feel his own doing the same and it was true for the women as well.

"The what?"

"We need to get under the swamp water-" The Doctor started pulling them forward. "Hold our breath - hope it clears-"

"If it doesn't?!" While Jay protested, Aliya had already jumped into the water below and Jenny followed suit.

"Probably dead anyway," the Doctor rasped, and pushed him off the platform.

Jay took in one last gulp of mostly toxic air just before he hit the water, and saw the impact next to him which had to be the Doctor, but the water was too murky to be able to tell for sure.

He floated, forcing his eyes to stay open in case something happened, feeling his lungs almost immediately start to protest. As a singer, his breath control was probably better than most, but he wasn't classically trained and he hadn't taken in the best breath he could have before going beneath the water.

He wasn't keeping track of time well, but he was fairly sure it had been about twenty seconds since he submerged himself. Twenty one, twenty two, _man this was hard_ , twenty four, twenty five, _he couldn't do it_. Twenty seven, twenty eight, _please please I need to breathe I need to breathe_. Thirty one.

His vision started going dark. He could probably have still made it to the surface, but when given the choice between drowning and dying by weird burning fog, he'd take drowning. At least that was sort of natural.

Thirty six. His world went black.

* * *

 **Thanks so much for the feedback so far, hope you enjoyed this chapter now that the Doctor and Aliya have (belatedly?) turned up! I already love the group dynamic A LOT (cos they're all just dumb bickering cinnamon rolls) and really hope you guys do too.**

 **(Sorry for delay on this chap, am back at uni and started a new job, just trying to get a handle on juggling everything.)**

 **Thanks for reading, let me know what you think!**

 **-MayFairy :)**


	4. A Deadly Game: The Sponsor Ship

A bruising force on his ribcage woke Jay up, and he regained consciousness while spluttering water from his lips. The Doctor's face hovered above him but immediately leaned back, and sighs of relief came from behind him. Jay coughed up more water before tilting his head back to get an upside-down view of Aliya and Jenny's worried faces.

"What happened?" He asked, voice weak.

"You nearly drowned is what happened," Jenny said, arms crossed, "Dad did CPR." Their gazes went to the Doctor, who was wincing and cradling his left hand, which was considerably more burnt than any other part of his or anyone else's body. "Also, these little containers were floating on the surface of the water when we came up. We think they might be from our sponsors."

Jay pushed himself up into a sitting position as Aliya twisted one of the containers open to reveal a clear, sticky substance. She hesitantly dipped her fingers in it, only for her eyebrows to go up. She brought her fingers to red and cracked skin of her face and slowly smeared the substance across her cheek. Almost instantaneously, the patch of skin she touched began to clear.

"Burn balm," the Doctor said, with a pleased sigh, "Thank goodness for that."

"Can I put this on you, Jay?" Aliya asked, looking at him with concern. "Other than the Doctor's hand, you were exposed the longest."

It sounded like a nice way of saying that he was the one that currently looked the most screwed up, but every bit of exposed skin stung like hell, so he couldn't nod quickly enough.

Incredibly gently, Aliya spread the balm across Jay's face. Upon properly taking in the blistered, red skin of _her_ face, Jay realised he could help with that.

"Can I return the favour?" He asked, bringing his hand to the jar.

She smiled at him. "That would be great. Thanks."

Jenny had meanwhile grabbed the other container and knelt by her father, lathering the balm over his particularly injured hand very gently while he grit his teeth.

"What happened to his hand?" Jay asked Aliya quietly as the older blonde gingerly pushed some of his hair out of the way to get the balm on the skin underneath. For someone who barely knew him, she was very attentive.

But upon hearing his question, her eyes flicked to the Doctor and she bit her lip. "He held his hand above the water the whole time," she said slowly, swallowing hard, "So that he would immediately know when the fog cleared, if it did. Undoubtedly saved all our lives by doing so."

"Ouch," Jay said, and they both knew he wasn't talking about any of his own pain. It was more or less entirely gone thanks to the balm and Aliya's application of it. He hurried to finish his own job of fixing her up, and then they went to Jenny and the Doctor to offer some of their leftover balm.

"Ow," the Doctor said as Jenny swept the balm across his jawline, "You know, normally I'm a fan of fog. This might just put me off it for the next hundred years or so."

It was impossible to tell if he was exaggerating or not, and Jay couldn't think too much about that now. Instead, he knelt by the other man and put a hand on his arm. "Thank you. For saving my life."

The Doctor smiled at him, far too cheerfully for someone who had gone through as much pain as he had. "You're very welcome, Jay."

"That was a terrible plan," Aliya said, but her soft voice didn't match her words, and the Doctor just turned his smile onto her, looking vaguely amused.

"Says the one who followed it without question."

She didn't answer, just gave him a faint smile back and started heading in the direction of the pod, apparently intent on finishing what they had started.

"There's one thing I don't get," Jenny said, watching her go and frowning, "Why would the sponsors help us when we've been planning to get up there and shut them down this whole time? If they're supposedly watching us."

"Maybe their videos don't have an audio link," the Doctor said, shrugging, "Or maybe they just don't think we can do it and aren't worried."

"We - we _can_ do it, though, right?" Jay asked, suddenly worried and realising that maybe he should have been earlier.

The Doctor got to his feet and clapped Jay on the shoulder, grinning at him. "Course we can. Come on." They headed back to the pod, where Aliya was already back to being covered in wires, and the Doctor wasted no time in diving back into his own work.

"How are we doing?"

"Almost there, I think."

After a few minutes, they started grinning at each other and got Jenny and Jay to join them on the platforms once the circuitry was replaced. The Doctor lifted his sonic screwdriver in front of him, pressed the button, and everything went white.

When the light faded, they were somewhere else entirely. That somewhere else being a minuscule space that had them crushed together in a way which was decidedly uncomfortable.

"Where are we?" Jay gasped, spluttering as he tried to get Jenny's ponytail away from his mouth.

"Storage cupboard, I think," the Doctor said, grinning, "There's always a cupboard." He looked at Aliya, who had ended up awkwardly squished under his arm. "See? Told you I could do it."

"I'd be more impressed if you weren't standing on my foot and if Jenny's elbow wasn't digging into my ribs," she replied, sighing, "But credit where it's due - your aim _is_ enviable."

His grin only widened. "Enviable?"

"Fuck off and just tell us the plan so we can get out of here."

"Well, I was thinking that we find the room that controls the arena simulations, and find a way to shut everything down."

"But there'd be people in there working the controls and stuff, wouldn't there?" Jay asked, frowning at him in the harsh artificial light, "We wouldn't just be able to get in."

"We've got this thing called psychic paper that can get us into pretty much anywhere," Jenny explained, "Shows them whatever credentials they want to see."

"Okay, well, that's weird and awesome," Jay said slowly, "But seems like it still wouldn't be any good if they already know what we look like, which they will if they've been watching the competition."

"Shit," Aliya muttered.

The Doctor sighed. "What she said. Okay, hold on, there must be something else, just let me think." While he went quiet, the other three fidgeted to try and get more comfortable. It didn't work - Jenny's shoulder ended digging into Jay's chest even harder than before.

"Would there be a way to cut the transmission of the game?" Jenny asked after a while. "I mean, if the sponsors are watching it somewhere, someone's probably organising the footage and then sending it through. Would we need to be in the control room to cut it off?"

"Probably not, there's loads of wiring in the walls we could tamper with, I bet, the sonic could find the right spots for it," the Doctor said, "And turning off their telly would be a pretty good distraction."

"Distraction for what?"

"For me to do a thing."

Jay frowned at him. "What? What does that mean? What are you going to do?"

"I'm going to tell on them," the Doctor said simply, before pointing his sonic at the door of the cupboard, "Now come on, team, move out."

They were all too eager to stumble their way out into the corridor and stretch their cramped bodies with sighs of relief. The Doctor spun around with the sonic and then beamed.

"Lovely, there's apparently a terminal just around the corner that should work." He led the way and opened up a panel in the wall to reveal another mass of wires and circuitry. "There we are. Now, for this to work, I'll need to be on the deck where the sponsors are when the transmission cuts out. So I think it would be best if you took care of this one, Aliya."

"On it." She crouched in front of the panel and pushed her sleeves up as she peered at the mess in front of her. "So it would be these ones here?"

The Doctor took a look at where she was pointing. "Yes, I think so."

"Looks straightforward enough, then, but I'll need some time."

"You've got ten minutes."

While Aliya got to work rewiring, the Doctor came to put his arms around Jenny and Jay's shoulders and beamed at them. "How are we doing? Jay, you alright?"

"Er, yeah, why wouldn't I be?"

"I dunno, space station, aliens, I imagine it's a bit of a shock."

"After alien monsters trying to kill me, you're not really enough to scare me," Jay told him, which seemed to please him.

"Well good. Because I'm not. Scary, that is," he said as he let go of them and stepped backwards, "Not me. I can be, sometimes, but only to aliens who aren't being nice and won't listen any other way - are you _sure_ you're doing that right, Aliya?" His head had jerked towards where his friend was working on the panel and he was frowning. "I think that coupling is meant to go in the-"

"You're the one that told me to do this, so don't be a backseat engineer," Aliya told him, gritting her teeth as the panel sparked slightly, "Given that one of us has an actual qualification and the other just tends to fiddle and hope for the best."

"Yes, but I do it brilliantly," he said, flicking his hair while she rolled her eyes and let out a 'hmph' noise that sounded to Jay like one of _very_ reluctant agreement. He crouched next to her again. "Now, when I said to cut the transmission, that was only half true. I need you to do this as well-" Their voices became quieter as they leaned into the panel opening further so he could point to whatever they were discussing. A few moments later, Aliya was nodding and the Doctor was back on his feet, looking satisfied. "Alright, Jenny, you stay here with Aliya and keep watch for anyone who might come your way and give you trouble. Jay, with me."

"Where are we going?"

"To see the sponsors. Let's see just who gets kicks out of plucking people from their homes and watching them kill each other. I'm sure they'll be a charming bunch."

He set off without another word and Jay hurried to follow and fall into step with him, which wasn't as easy as he might have liked because the alien man was a fair bit taller than him and therefore had longer strides.

"So, do you do this a lot?" Jay asked him.

"Do what?"

"Well, you know, stop bad guys from doing bad stuff."

"Maybe. Why, do I seem like I do?"

"Yeah. And some stuff Jenny said about you when we first met. She made it sound like you were pretty experienced with getting out of tricky situations."

The Doctor smiled at him, a little bashfully. "I suppose I am. I don't usually mean to end up in the middle of things like this - but it does tend to happen to me rather a lot."

"But you like it, right?"

" _Like_ constantly running away from people who want to kill me, being kidnapped and imprisoned left right and center, and being an inch away from death more often than not? Are you insane?" The Doctor asked with a horrified look on his face, before grinning. "Course I do. Never a moment of boredom."

"Right," Jay said, not half disconcerted with how quickly he could change his demeanour. It was almost enough to give him whiplash. "So, what's our actual plan?"

"Like I said, we're going to tell on them."

"But what does that mean?"

"Do you think outer space doesn't have laws, Jay? There's police out here just like anywhere else. And this? This whole setup? Do you really think this is legal?"

"Legal?" Jay repeated. Perhaps it was silly, but the thought of _legality_ of all things applying to their absurd situation was one that hadn't remotely occurred to him.

"Come on, Jay, think about it," the Doctor said with exasperation, "There are loads of planets out there as clueless about aliens as Earth. There are plenty of laws in place to keep them from being victims of more advanced civilisations. Kidnapping on this scale, if it's been going on as long as I suspect, is a direct violation of the Shadow Proclamation's-"

"The what?"

"They're basically the space police. Point is, if what they're doing got out, they'd be in big trouble. And I mean _big_. So, I'm going to remind them of that, make them shut the whole thing down, and if all goes to plan, we'll have you and everyone else home for tea."

"Oh, okay," Jay said, "Well, that'd be great." It all sounded a little straightforward and good to be true, but Jenny said that the Doctor was good at this. That it was what he did. So surely it would work out?

They turned a corner and found themselves a grand set of doors. When they poked their heads through, in front of them was a sweeping staircase that led down to a huge, decorated space filled with various species of alien dressed in what looked like probably the finest clothing and jewellery one could get in outer space or wherever they happened to come from. They were all seated in lavish lounge seats and watching the screen at the front of the room which was easily as big as the one at the largest movie theatre Jay had ever been to.

On the screen, a small red alien was bashing in a humanoid's head with a rock. Some of the sponsors were cheering, while others were upset, though Jay figured probably just because the humanoid was their favourite or sponsored competitor.

"So now what?" Jay whispered. He tried to ignore the queasy feeling in his stomach which he knew was induced by the sight in front of him. Knowing that people had gathered to watch people like him kill each other, for fun and some stupid trophy, that was one thing. Seeing it was another.

"Now we wait for the transmission to cut out," the Doctor whispered back, "Any minute now. Aliya knows what she's doing."

Sure enough, twenty seconds later, the huge screen went black and there were cries of outrage from the large group of sponsors.

"I apologise, ladies, gentlemen, and otherwise," said an alien that Jay recognised as the announcer who had been on the screen in the pod at the beginning of the game. They had strode out in front of the protesting crowd and offered what was probably supposed to be a charming and reassuring smile. "A minor technical hiccup, I'm sure."

"I wouldn't be, if I were you," the Doctor said, projecting his voice like an expert and stepping properly through the doors, giving Jay little choice but to come and stand next to him. Every alien in the room turned to look at them with alarm. "Sorry, I never can resist a grand entrance."

"Hang on, you're my candidate!" An elderly humanoid sponsor said, looking outraged. "How did you get out of the arena? How dare you come _here_?"

"How dare I?" The Doctor repeated, lifting an eyebrow. "Big talk coming from the fella who's been participating in illegal blood sport." His sponsor turned an interesting shade of purple. "What? Don't like being reminded of the fact that if this little contest of yours was ever discovered by the authorities, you'd all be in Stormcage for life?"

"What have you done?" The announcer demanded.

"Well, basically we've cut off your transmission and had it rerouted, ready to send somewhere else entirely," the Doctor said, grinning, "And in case you're wondering, that somewhere else is the Shadow Proclamation. I've got the Architect's personal inbox code."

One of the other sponsors, a very tall lilac woman in black, whipped out a gun and pointed it in their direction. "Then I suppose we'll just have to shoot you before you can make good on that threat," she told the Doctor.

"Not a bad plan, in theory," the Doctor said, all too nonchalantly for someone with a gun pointed at him, "Except, oops! Forgot to mention the other detail. _I'm_ not the one doing the rerouting. That would be a friend of mine. And she'll still send the feed through if I'm dead, so I suggest you all do exactly as I say, because currently the lives and freedom of everyone in this room are in my hands. Or at least, hands that in this instance answer to me. So...do I have your full attention now?"

The room was silent, and the Doctor smiled. For the first time, Jay found himself just a little wary of him. He'd been charismatic from the start, sure, but he'd just gained full control of a room full of armed aliens with nothing but words. And Jay didn't know whether he thought that was terrifying or the most awesome thing he'd ever witnessed. Or somehow both at the same time.

"Good."

That was when Aliya and Jenny ran in, the former holding a very flimsy looking device in her hands, her thumb on the button. "If you think you can shoot me before I press this, you're wrong," she said, her gaze steady as she eyed the room of hostile aliens below them.

"Nice timing," the Doctor told them.

His daughter grinned. "Learned from the best."

"What do you want?" One of the aliens asked them, its tentacles trembling. "If you're blackmailing us, you must want something."

"Oh, that's easy," the Doctor said, smiling pleasantly, "I want you to stop."

"Stop what?"

"Everything. All of this. I want all those people, your competitors, sent home, immediately. I want this to be the last game of its kind I see run by you people. I want you to all find hobbies that don't involve kidnapping innocent people and making them kill each other for your amusement while you bet on them like they're animals."

While the Doctor's previous speech had been frightening due to the casual manner that didn't fit the words, this one had become deadly serious. There was a quiet fury in his tone that sent a shiver down Jay's spine. He didn't know how they weren't all withering under his gaze.

The man in the bowtie also wasn't done yet. "I want to never get a single whiff of you doing anything like this ever again, and believe me when I say that if you do, I _will_ know." He looked to the announcer, who flinched. "You. Where are the teleports controlled from?"

"The control room."

"The same one that controls the simulations?"

"Yes."

"Good. Okay. What do you need to address the entire arena, right now?" The announcer held up a device on their wrist. "Bring it to me." They did, and the Doctor strapped it onto his own arm before fiddling with the settings. "Alright, excuse me for a moment."

"Are you sure you know how to-"

A small light field surrounded him and he looked straight ahead into nothing. "Listen up, any of you who are left in the game. Stop whatever you're doing and listen. My name is the Doctor. Some of you might have seen me in the arena. Bloke in the cool clothes who can't stop running his mouth. Anyway. My friends and I managed to escape onto the sponsor ship, and long story short, we've taken control and are shutting down this operation for good. If you all return to the pods you came from, we can get you all back home. Just make sure you're in the right one. Run along now, quick as you can! Soon enough we'll all be able to relax with a nice cup of tea and forget this ever happened."

The light field disappeared and the Doctor snapped back to attention.

"Now what?" The announcer asked, looking like they wanted to try and run back down the stairs by the way they were inching away from the Doctor.

"Now you all leave," the Doctor said, shrugging. "I assume you all have transport or teleports. Use them. Get out of here and don't come back. Because if you do, I'll go straight to the Shadow Proclamation and you'll all be finished. Go on, go." He projected his voice to the whole room. "Go! Go home, all of you! And don't get _any_ ideas about doing this again!"

There was a pregnant pause that could be felt in the very air, where the aliens looked at each other unsurely. Then half of them teleported away in an instant and the others ran for a side door that probably led to a transport dock of some kind.

The Doctor, Jay, Jenny and Aliya all glanced at the announcer, who was still standing at the top of the stairs nearby. The blue alien jumped when the Doctor just lifted an eyebrow at them. Then they ran off down the stairs as fast as their thin legs could carry them, and out the same side door as the sponsors.

An odd laugh escaped Jay's throat. It wasn't funny, not really, and he knew that he should be frightened, but there was something so absurd about what had just happened that he couldn't help it.

"Nice job," Aliya said, eyeing the empty room before them. "So, to the control room, then?"

The Doctor, thunder instantly gone, turned to smile at her. "Yep, got to get everyone home. We'll get on that." He looked to Jenny and Jay. "You two, go down and through that door, check that everyone's actually left. Then meet us at the control room."

"Sure thing," Jenny said, grinning. "See you soon."

The two pairs headed off in opposite directions, with Jay following Jenny down the grand staircase into the space filled with empty seats. They made him think of the first class section on an airplane. Utterly decadent. But then what else he could expect from the people that had been occupying them?

"Come on, this way," Jenny murmured, nudging him with her shoulder, "We can look around a bit _after_ we've done what Dad said."

They headed for the side door and walked through it into a corridor as well-decorated as the room they had just left.

"Do you always do what he says?" Jay asked curiously as they continued down it. "I mean, not to make that sound like a bad thing, because I guess he's the guy with the plan, but is he always the one in charge?"

"Usually," Jenny said, shrugging, "But like you said, he's the one with the plan. That means giving orders - well, instructions - is just part of what he does if he needs us. Which he does, even if sometimes he won't admit it."

"And you don't mind following instructions?"

She grinned. "Nah. It's good actually, because I've started trying to guess what he's going to tell me to do before he says it. It's a good learning experience. Plus, I was created to be a soldier, so the whole following orders or instructions thing comes naturally."

"Oh," he said, "I guess that makes sense."

They reached the end of the corridor and came out into a huge hangar, where the last few spaceships were pulling out and zooming off into the blackness of space and out of sight.

"Hang on, if that's space right there at the end of this hangar thing, how are we breathing?" Jay asked, eyes wide.

Jenny tilted her head as she considered the question. "Huh. I hadn't thought of that." She narrowed her eyes at the opening at the end of the hangar. "I think there might some kind of atmospheric barrier there, so it lets things in and out, but not stuff like air."

"Are you just guessing?"

She laughed. "Yeah, but I think I might be right. I can almost feel it, like it's making my skin tingle or something."

"Really?"

"I think so. Dad's helping me pick up on all this stuff, but it's tricky. There's a lot to learn."

"I never thought about aliens having to study to have cool powers," Jay said, "That makes me feel a bit better about, I don't know, everything. Somehow. Does that make my priorities really messed up?"

She smiled. "No. I think it makes you human."

He smiled back for a second, before something about her clear and innocent gaze got to him. How could she still have that childlike light in her eyes, and smile like that, if she could also look at the horrors they had seen today and be able to just walk away?

He jerked his head to look straight ahead, at the vastness of the stars past Jenny's theorised barrier. That didn't help calm him down.

"So, they're all gone, does that mean we can go back?" He asked.

"Yeah, sure." Her voice gave away her uncertainty as to his abrupt change in manner. But after everything that had happened, he couldn't quite muster up the energy to do anything but put his hands in his pockets, turn, and head back the way they had come.

Jenny followed him in silence, and they came back into the grand room that the Doctor had so efficiently cleared out.

"So, your dad can get me back home, right?" Jay asked her as they both did partial turns to take in parts of the room they had previously overlooked.

"Well, we need the TARDIS for that, but yeah," she replied.

"That's his spaceship time machine?"

"Yep! It's still in London, not far from where we all got teleported, but if I were Dad, I'd figure that if these sponsor people were able to use the tech here to teleport people from London into the arena, he should be able to hijack the system to teleport the TARDIS onto this station."

Jay lifted his eyebrows, impressed. "Do you think he'll think of that?"

"He'll have already started, if I know him," she said with a grin, before something caught her eye. "Hang on, what's that?"

Gold plating covered a strip of wall near them, with an engraved set of two columns of writing. They went to examine it further, and Jay got the idea that the writing in the columns were names, since some of them looked human enough and there didn't seem any reason for the other writing to be something else.

"I think it's the list of winners," Jenny murmured, "And their sponsors. God, there must be nearly a hundred games listed here. How long were they doing this?"

"Aliens have some weird names," he said, chuckling until his gaze landed on one name that made him gape. "Wait. No. No way."

"What?"

Jay's finger pointed to a name about twenty games back. _Suzanne Collins_. As plain as day, right in front of them, an earlier joke become reality.

"Is that-"

"The author, just like you said," Jay breathed, and found himself starting to laugh, "She didn't just get the idea watching TV, she won an alien gladiator fight to the death! Man, you couldn't guess it, if you looked at her. But size isn't everything I guess."

"So you're saying that the Hunger Games should have been set in space?"

"With alien tributes, yeah."

Jenny started laughing too, and Jay found that he just couldn't stop - he laughed until his belly ached. It was so ridiculous, so against all probability or logic, yet after the day he had had it was all too easy to accept.

They had just about gotten themselves under control when Aliya came into view at the top of the stairs, and her eyes locked onto them immediately.

"Both of you, up here, now," she shouted, and they hurried towards and up the stairs, "Come on, we've got to get back to the control room."

They followed her out the doors and through the corridors, walking so fast that they were practically jogging.

"What's wrong?" Jay asked, because something clearly was.

"Some...arsehole...set this entire place to blow," Aliya said through gritted teeth, "Some kind of safeguard, I suppose. Or maybe one of the sponsors teleported to the control room and did it before we got there. Either way, we've got minutes, if that."

"Did you get everyone home?"

"Yes, they're all fine, even if a few stragglers needed a bit of encouragement that it wasn't a trick."

Jay couldn't quite bring himself to be too worried about the aliens from the arena after hearing that the station was due to be blown up. "But what about us? Are we going to be able to get away in time?"

"I really hope so," Aliya replied, letting out a nervous laugh, "The Doctor's working on teleporting the TARDIS up here-"

"Told you," Jenny murmured to Jay.

"But there's a chance he won't be done in time."

"Nah, it's Dad, he'll manage it at the last second, no fun otherwise," Jenny said, grinning, and Aliya gave her a look that made it plain that she agreed but was worried all the same.

It wasn't long before they reached the control room to find the Doctor furiously typing away at a terminal, his forehead creased in a deep frown of concentration.

"How's it going? Anything we can do to help?" Aliya asked him.

"Yeah," he said, "Shut up." She rolled her eyes. "See, this is one of those times where I really wish I had a TARDIS remote control, the Rani had the right idea-"

"Well, we don't have one, and you'd be better served not wasting your time dwelling on things we don't have."

Jay's eyes took a look around the control room and landed on a nearby screen, where a countdown had just gone under the one minute mark. "Uh, is this how long we have until we get blown up?" He asked.

"Yes," the Doctor said, without looking up, "But don't worry, because we'll be out of here by then. Now please, hush and let me concentrate."

It seemed rather hypocritical of him to ask for them to be quiet when he had started rambling immediately after the last time he had said it, but Jay got the idea that it was just how he was, if Jenny and Aliya's shared looks of exasperation were anything to go by.

The Doctor _did_ keep talking, but it was more mutterings under his breath to himself than anything else. Still, when it got to twenty seconds from the explosion, Jay felt the panic creeping in, and it seemed he wasn't the only one.

"Dad," Jenny said, sounding worried.

"I'm almost there!"

"Well you'd better be!"

"I just need to...aha! There!"

As the timer hit twelve seconds, a wheezing sound began to fill the air and a blue box began to appear in front of them, much to Jay's complete bemusement. When it was solid, he could see that it said _Police Box Call Box_ across the top.

"Come on, inside," Jenny said to Jay, pushing him towards it, and he didn't have time to protest before she was throwing the door open and shoving him inside. He stumbled and fell to his knees, and heard the others climbing in behind him and then the doors slamming shut.

There was two seconds to breathe before they were thrown by a huge jolt, that Jay realised had to be the force of the explosion. If they were in a wooden box, he wasn't sure why they hadn't been destroyed, but he wasn't complaining.

Jenny fell on him heavily and he let out a yell as her elbow dug into his back. When things went from complete chaos to mere turbulence, Jay was able to sit up and take his surroundings in for the first time, only to blink.

"Wait, what?"

The place he was in was huge, a spacious control room of warm orange, with a small set of stairs nearby leading up to a platform with a glass floor that surrounded a round (or possibly hexagonal) set of controls. In the centre of them was a thick column of glass with what looked like a sculpture inside, stretching up to the ceiling.

It was beautiful. And without a doubt the coolest thing Jay had ever seen.

"I thought we went into a box," he said, awed, "How did we get in here?"

"This is the inside of the box," Jenny told him, rubbing her elbow and wincing, "Welcome to the TARDIS." She smiled at him and got up, offering him a hand which he took. "It stands for Time and Relative Dimensions In Space."

"So, it's bigger on the inside?"

Jenny grinned. "Yeah. Pretty cool, right?"

"Just a bit," he murmured, his gaze moving to where the Doctor was up by the controls and struggling to remain upright because of how the ship was still shaking. "So can you take me home now, Doctor?"

"Ah, hopefully," the other man replied, but was frowning at a screen in front of him.

"What's wrong?"

"Well, the force of the explosion may have sent us hurtling towards the nearest star. But that's fine, the TARDIS has-" The Doctor stopped, horror crossing his face. "...shields."

"You put them down onto partial for repairs this morning!" Aliya said, gripping the railing of the stairs.

"And the explosion of the space station wiped the partials out completely," he said, swallowing hard, "And we have about ten seconds until we hit the star."

"So _do_ something!"

"Doing it! But brace yourselves, this is going to be rough!"

The Doctor's hands moved furiously across the controls for a few seconds, pressing buttons until he yanked down a lever that made the ship jerk again and the wheezing noise from before filled the room as the sculpture in the column above the controls began to move up and down.

Jay didn't realise he had squeezed his eyes shut until everything had gone quiet and it had become apparent that he wasn't dead. When he opened them, the other three were looking a bit out of sorts but otherwise alright.

"How did you get us out of there so quickly?" Aliya asked the Doctor as she righted herself.

"Hit the randomiser," he said, straightening his bowtie and letting out a long breath, "Didn't have time for coordinates. Still, we cut it _way_ too close, that star's left the TARDIS a bit fried, by the looks of things. Or at the very least, overheated."

"What does that mean?" Jay asked.

"It means we're not in London in 2016, and won't be for a little while yet," the Doctor told him, "I'm sorry, Jay. But I promise to get you back there as soon as I can."

"Okay," Jay said, since there didn't seem to be much else he could say. "Where are we then?"

The Doctor grinned. "I don't know. Do you want to find out?"

* * *

 **I think I'm going to try and keep at least minor cliffhangers throughout the story. Because, I mean, is it really Doctor Who without continuous cliffhangers?**

 **Thanks for reading, let me know what you thought! All feedback is appreciated!**

 **-MayFairy :)**


	5. The Uncivil South: Soldiers

" _Okay," Jay said, since there didn't seem to be much else he could say. "Where are we then?"_

 _The Doctor grinned. "I don't know. Do you want to find out?"_

"I think I want a change of clothes, if we're going to be going out there," Jenny told them, glancing down at her trousers which for the first time Jay realised were stained. "Right before we got snatched by that teleport, a car splashed gross water all over me."

"So _that's_ why you weren't worried about the swamp water," Jay laughed.

Jenny rolled her eyes. "Hardly. I'll be back." She moved to go up the set of stairs that went up from the console platform, and disappeared from sight.

Jay watched her go. "So, how big is this place, then?" He asked the Doctor. If there was apparently at least room for Jenny to keep clothes, he had to wonder.

"Big enough that I can never be sure," the other man replied, making Jay blink at him.

"Oh. Okay."

"So we can't even get a reading of where we are?" Aliya asked the Doctor, frowning in the direction of the controls. He just shook his head. "Next time you take the shields down, _please_ remember to put them back. We could have _died_ because of a moment's carelessness on your part-"

"You could have reminded me."

"I'm not your mother, or your wife, you should be able to remember to put your own shields back up."

The Doctor rolled his eyes and paid her no attention as he turned back to Jay. "So, Jay, you sound fairly American to me. Why were you in London?"

"Moved there a few months ago," Jay explained, "Grew up in Cleveland, born in Seoul."

The Doctor beamed. "Lovely. And you're a musician?"

"Indie songwriter," he said, shrugging, "But it doesn't pay the bills, so I've just been working at a bar. Or do you call it a pub, in England? I don't know."

"Pub's good, I love a pub, great word. Not as much a fan of the sorts of drinks they serve there though. Prefer lemonade or something, me."

Jay found that funnier than he probably should, but easy to believe from the man's strange manner. He glanced at Aliya. "What about you? What is it people say? _What's your poison?_ "

"Sorry, what?" Aliya asked, eyebrows up.

"He's asking what you like to drink."

"Oh. Hot chocolate, mainly."

"He means alcohol."

"Oh. After the first time with hypervodka and champagne, and the second with whiskey, I've learned that alcohol doesn't agree with me," Aliya said, shaking her head, "I turn into a loose tongued moron, and for that reason no longer indulge."

Jay grinned. "I'm the same."

"Really?" This seemed to delight her. "That makes me feel much better, actually. I thought it was just me."

"Nah, alcohol makes everyone stupid, that's kind of the point. Heaps of people choose not to drink because of that."

"We going, then?" Jenny asked as she came back down the stairs. She was now wearing a green dress over black tights that were tucked into ankle boots. Her hair was loose and she looked much more like a girl Jay would see on the street than the girl he had met and fought alongside in the arena.

"Not all soldier, then," he said to her, grinning. She hit him in the arm.

"Hardly. Come on then."

They all headed for the door. Jay, with a nod from Jenny, pushed it open and went outside only to be immediately assaulted by strong wind. They were in a forest, and night had fallen. Not the most welcoming environment.

"Oh, lovely," Jenny said dryly as she came out behind him. Aliya zipped up her jacket as she and the Doctor followed. "Where are we?"

"American South," the Doctor answered as he sniffed the air, "19th century. Not too sure of the specifics, though. The wind's cold enough to make my nose hurt."

"Wait, you can tell where and when we are just from sniffing?" Jay gaped at him.

"Generally."

"Wow. Is there anything you can't do?"

"Get us anywhere reliably," Aliya muttered, and just stuck her tongue out at the Doctor childishly when he shot her an annoyed look.

That was when the Doctor's words about where they were finally set in. The American South. In the _19th Century_. They had travelled in time. He was standing in the past that had always seemed dead, and unreal. But it was all around him. And maybe a part of him should have wanted proof of the time travel before getting excited about it, but he couldn't help but believe them. They seemed like the most genuine people he had ever met.

"We've travelled in time," he said, with disbelief. "I mean, we've actually travelled in time."

"Come on, let's get going and see if we can find something a bit more interesting than this forest for you to see," the Doctor said, grinning at him and clapping him on the shoulder.

"Lamp please," Aliya said, and the Doctor dug out an enormous handheld light from his pocket (one that certainly should have been able to fit in there) and handed it to her without a word. She thanked him and with that they set off.

They had been walking for five minutes when rain started pouring down through the treetops, soaking them all. Jenny started to shiver, and Jay took off his cardigan so that she could wear it, but she refused.

"I'll be fine, but you could get a bad cold or worse," Jenny told him, "You'd best keep it."

The rain made the terrain incredibly muddy, and their shoes and lower legs were soon caked. Not all of them were destined to get off that easily, though. A yelp, followed by a squelch, and then a torrent of rapid swearing that only seemed to be half in English, had Jay looking over to where Aliya had fallen face first into a puddle of mud.

"Are you alright?" He asked. She was eyeing herself with dismay, but nodded. Then they both looked to the Doctor, who was standing nearby and looking like he was trying to hold in laughter. When Aliya fixed him with a glare, that only made it worse and he was soon laughing properly.

Jenny joined him, but Jay moved to help Aliya up, and got a very grateful look as he pulled her to her feet and handed her the lamp which had fallen in with her and suffered a similar fate.

"Thank you, Jay," she said loudly, "Nice to see _someone_ knows how to be sympathetic."

"You don't need sympathy," the Doctor said, snorting, "On the contrary, you've got more colour on your cheeks than you've had in years."

Aliya, whose face was covered in mud, looked like she wanted to slap him. Instead she took a very long and controlled breath. "You're fucking insufferable, you know that?"

"Oh come on, Aliya, that was funny," Jenny said, grinning.

"I don't like being dirty," she replied, slicking her short hair back from her face with her mud covered hands, "Wet and cold I can handle, but add being filthy on top of that - no."

"Seems like it's normal enough for you guys," Jay said, "Wouldn't you be used to it by now?"

"I'd hoped so, but no matter how hard I can try, I can't. I like being _clean_."

"Then you should probably have stayed home with your mother, son."

They all turned towards the unfamiliar voice, to see five armed soldiers standing nearby, eyeing them with curiosity. The speaker was a man with an impressive moustache who looked to be in charge.

"I don't suppose you'd care to explain what three gentlemen and a lady are doing out in the woods on a night like this, with no luggage or horses but some kind of portable light that can withstand rain?" He asked them, and they exchanged looks of confusion.

"Three-" The Doctor was interrupted before he could get another word out.

"Er, yes," Aliya said quickly, coughing, and dropping her voice into a lower register, "I'm afraid we left our accommodation for a walk and accidentally got lost."

"The nearest lodgings are half a day's ride from here," the man with the moustache said, frowning at her.

" _Very_ lost," Jenny added. "And who are you?"

"They're part of the Union army," the Doctor answered, looking at their sullied blue coats and even more filthy paler trousers.

"That we are," Moustache Man replied, "I am Colonel Briggs. And you are?"

Aliya was quick to jump in. "I am Alan, er, Jones. This is my friend John Smith, and his sister Jenny." The eyebrows of her companions shot up until Jay realised that the soldiers had taken her for a man from the dirt, short hair, and clothing, and that she was simply playing along.

Briggs turned his scrutiny to Jay, who became very aware of his ethnicity and how it could cause him trouble if they were in the middle of the American Civil War. He wasn't black, but he was far from white either.

"And you?"

"Jun-Young Kim, sir," he replied, "But my friends call me Jay."

"And what's an Oriental like you doing with three Brits?"

The Doctor winced at his terminology but stepped closer to Jay, quietly protective. "Jay here is my ward. Where I go, he goes."

"And what are you doing in Tennessee of all places? There's a war on, you know."

"Yes, we did. Our going walking was careless of us."

Briggs didn't seem so impressed. "Careless, or just plain unbelievable? You could be Confederate spies for all we know, especially with that thing your friend here is carrying."

"It's a new prototype invention," the Doctor said quickly, "Very hush hush, we're not allowed to talk about it."

"Hmm. One way or another, you'll have to come with us back to our camp."

"I'm sure that's not necessary-" The Doctor tried to say, but Briggs gave them all stern looks and pointed at Jenny.

"May I remind you that you have a lady in your entourage? A lady who is not remotely dressed for the weather, and looks near freezing. Sanders, give her your coat."

One of the men, who was ginger and younger than Jay, hurried to shed his coat and hand it to Jenny, who took it even though she looked like she wanted to argue.

"Thank you," she said as she pulled it on, looking at the now shivering boy with obvious guilt.

"Our camp is only twenty minute's walk from here," Briggs told them, "We'll have you a little dryer and fed in no time. And then we'll determine if you're telling the truth or not."

"Can't wait," Aliya muttered.

The group of nine began to walk, and just like in the arena, Jay gravitated to Jenny and fell into step with her, putting himself between her and the soldiers out of instinctive distrust of white men of the past.

Unfortunately, this didn't go unnoticed.

"Are you _guarding_ me?" She asked, eyebrows up.

He felt his cheeks burn. "No, I just - no, okay? I'm just walking."

"Alright," she said, not sounding like she believed him, but smiling. "So, what do you think about how _Alan_ has handled this situation?"

"Makes sense, I guess." Jay shrugged. "I can see why...he...would do what he did. Given where we are."

"Yeah. Wish I could have done the same."

"It wouldn't have worked."

"Why not?"

"You're too-" Jay realised what he was about to say and stopped himself, feeling his face get warm again. Also like before, her eyebrow had lifted.

"Too what?"

"Pretty," he mumbled.

For a second she grinned, only to falter. "Wait, are you saying Aliya isn't?"

"No," Jay said, too quickly, "I mean, I don't know. She isn't-" He pursed his lips under her critical gaze and tried to organise his thoughts better. "You wear makeup. Fancy eyeliner and all that. She doesn't."

"Plus there's the mud," Jenny agreed, eyeing Aliya's squelching form some way ahead of them. "Don't worry, I see what you mean."

"For the record, just because I think you're pretty, doesn't mean-"

"I know."

"I'm just stating a fact."

Jenny smiled again, tucking a strand of hair behind her ear. "Okay. Well, thanks."

He smiled back at her. "You're welcome." He wasn't actually lying or trying to save himself from embarrassment or rejection. The fact that Jenny was very pretty was a rather indisputable one as far as Jay could tell, and he liked her a lot, but he was fairly sure it wasn't in _that_ way. Which was good, given that she was an alien and he was going to be going back home very soon.

Provided they were able to get away from the Union soldiers and back to the TARDIS, which seemed to be a rather large assumption to make, but one that was necessary in order to keep panic at bay.

They came to a clearing in the trees, where a camp big enough to hold about a hundred soldiers was set up. Jay was relieved that it wasn't too large - surely the less soldiers, the easier it would be to escape?

"You look worried," Jenny noted. "Remember we're not actually prisoners. Not unless they decide we're spies. Which they won't, because we have the psychic paper."

"Oh," Jay said, slightly reassured, "I'd forgotten about that. How does it work, exactly?"

"It shows them whatever they want to see. It might tell them Dad's a ranking officer or something. Or Alan, I guess." Jenny's gaze went back to Aliya (who had shut off the lamp and given it back to the Doctor now that they were in a vaguely lit place) and she had to smother a giggle. "Oh god, I think she's trying to copy the Colonel's walk to really go for this man thing."

Jay looked where she was, and had to grin himself. "Her commitment is impressive."

"In here," Briggs told them, bringing them to the largest tent, "Now, if I could see your papers."

"Of course," the Doctor said, reaching into his jacket and presenting the psychic paper, making the American man's eyes widen.

"Why didn't you say you were the President's personal spies?"

"Oh, well, you know, we don't like to brag."

"So you're in charge of this little group then, Jones?" Briggs asked, turning to Aliya, who planted her hands on her hips and nodded solemnly.

"Yes, I am," she coughed, "If it, er, says so."

"Her?!" The Doctor cried in protest.

"Her?" Briggs repeated, confused.

"Not Jenny, me, you idiot, pay better attention," Aliya snapped, before rolling her eyes as a show for Briggs. "I've been letting him think he was in charge, because he has control issues, but it was probably about time he learned the truth."

"Oh, very funny," the Doctor muttered.

"He's always been this way," Aliya continued, sighing, "Still has self-confidence problems because his wife kissed me on his wedding day." When everyone's eyebrows went up, she coughed again and added, "You know, because I'm a man and she found me too handsome to resist."

"She did it to annoy me!" The Doctor said, glaring.

"Wait, so is she telling the truth about that part?" Jay asked Jenny quietly, bemused.

"No idea," Jenny replied, "I hadn't found Dad yet when all that happened. From what I know of my stepmum, though, probably." Jay was about to ask why she only 'knew' of her stepmother when a soldier burst into the tent.

"Sir, is it true that we have-" He trailed off as he saw Jenny, and turned pink. "Oh. My apologies, Ma'am."

"It's okay," Jenny said, grinning.

"They are our guests, Rogers," Briggs told him gruffly, "And just because you're my nephew, does not give you leave to enter my tent so abruptly without invitation."

"Yes, Uncle. Sir. My apologies."

"May we eat with the soldiers, then?" The Doctor asked Briggs.

"You may do whatever you please, Mr Smith, but you're more than welcome to dine in here undisturbed," came the reply, "No need to subject the lady to their more common ways unnecessarily."

"Actually, I prefer to keep her education as broad as possible," the Doctor told him with a smile, "I'm sure it'll be an experience for all of us. But perhaps if you had some fresh clothes for my friend?"

"Oh, I'm alright actually," Aliya interrupted, "Though a cloth for my face would be appreciated."

"Of course."

"I'll fetch one for you right away, sir," Rogers was quick to say, and dashed out.

Aliya gave Jenny and Jay a look that the latter interpreted as her being quietly amused at being addressed as a 'sir'.

"Alan's loving this," he murmured to Jenny, who grinned and nodded.

"We'll only intrude on your hospitality until tomorrow when hopefully the weather's cleared," the Doctor told Briggs, "But know we appreciate it very much all the same."

"Well, we're all in this together, aren't we?" Briggs said, smiling at them all.

"Quite right."

"Your cloth, sir," Rogers said as he returned to the tent, and Aliya thanked him as she took it.

"So, dinner, then," the Doctor said brightly, "Perhaps you could do us the honour of showing us the way, Rogers."

"Yes, of course!" Rogers nodded eagerly. "This way."

They followed him outside and through to where the soldiers were sitting at simple tables with lamps that had been put together for a more communal setting. The newcomers immediately gained the attention of those nearest to them, Jenny in particular. It occurred to Jay that it had probably been a long while since any of them had seen a woman.

Aliya looked cleaner and happier, and despite looking a bit more feminine with the dirt mostly off her face, no one seemed to have noticed.

"To what do we owe the pleasure, my lady?" The soldier nearest Jenny asked, if a little over-eagerly.

"I'm sworn to secrecy, I'm afraid," Jenny told him with a grin, "You know how it is, some intelligence is best untold."

"Oh, of course," he said, surprised. "And your companions? How disappointed should I be?"

She laughed. "My brother, as well as his friend and his ward. But I'm afraid you still might be disappointed, we'll be back on our way tomorrow."

"But tonight, at least we have the delight of your company." A few of the other men around him cheered with agreement, and Jenny just grinned into the weak tea she had been given not long before.

The Doctor grinned. "She does tend to bring sunshine wherever she goes."

Jenny flushed, but looked pleased. "My brother, everyone," she said to the soldiers, "Cute, but sappy."

"Sappy?" He repeated, aghast, while the group laughed at his expense. "Is that what I get for trying to be nice? Remind me not to try again any time soon."

"You could be nice to me," Aliya said hopefully from his other side, and he just slung his arm around her shoulders and laughed.

"But where's fun in that, Alan old buddy?" He made a point of ruffling her hair, making her grumble and roll her eyes, but as the soldiers' laughter struck up again, her lips turned upward too.

"Oh, is that how you want to play this?" She said, eyebrow up as she leaned forward and planted her palms on the table (ground?). "Do you lot want to hear about me and John's wife? Now, that was a fun night-"

The Doctor's hand clapped over her mouth and he glared at her while the rest of the group had burst into guffaws and whistles. Her eyes danced from over the top of his hand.

"I really think I might need to ask them about that when we're out of here," Jenny said, looking unsure of where to be amused or confused.

"Maybe you can tell me what they say," Jay agreed.

"What are Brits like you doing here, anyway? And where does your Oriental friend fit in?" Another soldier asked the Doctor and Jenny, with a nod at Jay, who had to stop himself from scowling.

"We're working for the President," the Doctor replied, "All four of us. That's all we're able to disclose, I'm afraid."

"Brains and beauty, eh, sweetheart?" The soldier nearest Jenny said, grinning at her again. "I'm Collins, by the way."

"Watch it, mate, she's too young for you," Aliya said, side-eyeing him.

Another one made an 'ooh' noise, and sniggered. "Sounds to me like someone wants the little lady to himself," he said, and the shock and distaste on Aliya's face was to an extent that was almost comical.

"I don't actually have words for the degree of how entirely wrong you are," she replied, frowning at him.

The Doctor was looking at her weirdly. "Since when do you say 'mate'?"

Aliya shrugged and took a gulp of her tea before shuddering at the taste. "Never too old to try something new," she said reasonably, "And as my best mate, you should be supporting me."

"I'm supporting your little drag stint, aren't I?" He said, snorting.

Collins seemed confused. "Wait, what's he been dragging?"

"Himself, through mud," the Doctor retorted, and grinned even through the whack on the arm he got from his friend for his response.

After another hour or so of trading banter with the soldiers, a yawn from Jay had them getting up from the table to request a tent for them to sleep in for the night. They were usually intended for five occupants, so the four of them fit easily enough, though it was hardly spacious.

Jay didn't even realise he was grinning until Jenny asked him why he was.

"We're in the American Civil War," he said, awed, "Like, I learned about it in school, and now I'm _here_. It's impossible."

"Not impossible," Jenny told him, grinning back, "Just a bit unlikely."

He laughed. "Well, can't argue with that, I guess."

Next to them, the Doctor and Aliya were engaged in a rapid discussion in a language Jay didn't understand, but he was relieved to see that it seemed to be one of a good nature - both were practically giggling.

But when he yawned again, they broke off to look at him.

"Sleep," the Doctor commanded, "Go on, get on with it."

"I can't if you keep talking, or with that lamp back on," he pointed out, and the other man frowned.

"Oh. Good point. Maybe we'll sleep too," he said, looking between Aliya and Jenny, who both just shrugged at him. "Sleep, yeah? That alright?"

"If we have to," the older of the two said, sighing.

So they turned the lamp back off and settled down, and Jay quickly nodded off. It had, after all, been an incredibly long day between the being kidnapped by aliens and nearly killed multiple times and then ending up in the American Civil War.

* * *

When he woke, the Doctor was also stirring. Jay met his eye as the alien man gingerly did his best to sit up without disturbing Aliya - who had apparently rolled over and slung an arm over his waist in her sleep.

Jay lifted his eyebrows, but the Doctor just smiled at him and nodded towards the opening of the tent. They went outside where puddles and mud patches covered the ground around them, making the terrain a messy one. The fresh morning air blew their hair around their faces.

"There's something about pre-20th century Earthern air," the Doctor said, shutting his eyes as he breathed in deeply, "So clean. So unspoiled."

Jay copied him, and actually could appreciate the difference from anything he was familiar with. "How many different kinds of air have you encountered?"

The Doctor shot him a grin. "Oh, Jay, far too many to count. And at the same time, nowhere near enough."

Jay had to grin back. This man, with the funny clothes and goofy attitude, had an infectious _something_ that made Jay feel that childlike wonder and vibrancy that he had been missing for so many years now.

"So, are we heading off then?" Jenny asked as she came out of the tent.

"If Aliya's up," her father replied.

"She's coming, just needs a minute."

"Bed hair?"

"Plus mud and minus a mirror? She's trying, but I don't like her chances."

"Just check out with Briggs without me, I'll be along in a little while, hopefully," came the voice from inside the tent, a voice laced with frustration that wasn't directed at them.

The Doctor laughed. "Having trouble in there, Alan?"

"Oh, just fuck off already." Despite her words, Jay thought he could detect an audible grin.

"So, we just waltz into his tent, say thanks, and get going back to your box thing?" Jay asked the Doctor for clarification as the three of them started to walk.

"Box thing?" He repeated, aghast. "She's called the TARDIS, Jay, and she's a glorious time ship, I'll have you know."

"Okay, sorry," Jay said quickly, "But I mean, she _is_ a box!"

"Yes, but a magical one, not a _thing_."

"You like things," Jenny told her father, and although he tried to argue with her on that point, he failed rather badly, and the girl shot Jay a smug look.

They arrived at Brigg's command tent, and were given leave to enter. He was just finishing breakfast, and brushed some crumbs out of his moustache when he saw them before getting to his feet.

"Smith," he said, nodding to the Doctor, "Where's your friend?"

"Attending to his hair. You know what blondes are like."

Briggs laughed. "Indeed. Are you taking your leave of us, then? I'll be sorry to see you go, your presence here has been a breath of fresh air for the troops."

"Well, that's kind of you, but yes, we do need to be on our way," the Doctor said, stretching out a hand so that Briggs could shake it, "Thank you for your generous hospitality. We really do appreciate it."

"Not at all."

"Should I give that boy his jacket back?" Jenny asked him, starting to shrug it off.

"Not at all, my lady," he replied, lifting a hand to stop her, "He'll be honoured to know that it may continue to protect you from nature herself. We can find a replacement for him."

She didn't look happy. "If you're sure."

"Positive. I insist that you keep it."

"Alright. Thank you."

That was when Aliya strode into the tent. In the harsh light of day, the extent to which mud still caked her clothing and tangled hair was truly obvious. The expression of annoyance and defeat on her face shouldn't have been as funny as it was, but Jay had to smother a smile and saw the Doctor not bother to make any similar efforts with his chuckle.

"Not a word," she warned her friend, who just nodded with mock solemnity. "Now, may we go?"

They bid Briggs goodbye and got a few directions for getting back the way they had come before they set off to leave the camp. Jenny in particular received several disappointed farewells on their way out, enough to make her grin with satisfaction as they left the clearing of the camp and returned to the cover of the trees.

"So you know the way back to the TARDIS?" Jay asked the Doctor.

"Definitely. Probably."

"Could have done without the probably," Jenny said, frowning at him.

"Let's just walk," Aliya suggested, and so they set off, following Briggs' instructions until they came to a stop and surveyed their surroundings to try and see if they looked familiar.

"There's a big mud puddle here," Jenny pointed out, "It could be the one you fell into, Aliya."

"Or it could be any other mud patch given that they're everywhere."

"I don't know, I think I can see your nose print in this one," the Doctor said, making a show of leaning over and squinting at it. Aliya lobbed a pinecone at him and smirked with satisfaction when it bounced off his head. " _Ow!_ Was that really necessary? _"_

"If you two are done acting like kids, can we get back to the problem at hand?" Jenny asked them. "You know how being lost in the woods was part of our cover story? Well, now we actually _are_ lost. Which, obviously, might be at least a minor problem."

"Oh, I don't know, being lost in the middle of an 19th century American forest during the American Civil War can't be that bad," Jay said sarcastically. Aliya snorted.

"Who says we're lost?" The Doctor said, sounding horrified. "We're not lost, don't be silly, any of you. I know exactly where we are, I'll have you know."

"Really?" They asked in unison, with varying degrees of surprise and skepticism.

"Yes!" He clicked his tongue with slight annoyance at their lack of faith in them. "It's this way. Come on."

He set off and they had no choice but to follow, but when twenty minutes had passed and he started glancing around them with a frown on his face, it became obvious that he was no longer sure of their whereabouts.

" _I know exactly where we are_ ," Aliya mimicked, " _Don't be silly."_

"Shut up," he muttered, "I've just gotten a bit turned around."

"Your _brain's_ turned around."

Jenny rolled her eyes. "Aliya, not helping. Look, isn't there some way we can home in on the TARDIS with the sonic or something?"

The other blonde's visible surprise was quite comical. "Oh, um, yeah, probably." She looked to the Doctor, who looked equally surprised and nodded at them.

"Why didn't I think of that?"

"Because you were too busy trying to show off," his daughter said, smirking, "Now come on, get on with it."

The Doctor got out the sonic screwdriver, and began scanning their surroundings. He rotated on the spot, and when he'd almost spun 180 degrees, it began to pulse with a different rhythm.

"That way," he declared, and set off again. They followed, this time with more confidence, and walked for several minutes with considerably higher spirits.

That was, at least, until a voice called out from within the trees around them.

"Put the weapon down, and don't move!"

The group of four froze, and a group of figures emerged from their right. More soldiers, but these ones were differently dressed, and had their guns at the ready. Jay realised that the voice that had spoken had been undeniably Southern, and the truth of the identity of the new party was not a pleasant one.

"Confederates," he breathed.

"That's right, kid," the leader said, eyes running over his and narrowing, "And what's someone like you doing here? And with a little lady wearing the clothing of the enemy?"

They all looked at Jenny, who swallowed.

"Oh. This looks bad, doesn't it?"

"Yeah, yeah it does. Care to explain yourselves?"

* * *

 **I'm a fan of the old classic historical arcs, where the Team TARDIS would just land somewhere in the past and stumble into trouble with the locals which lasts for a fair while before they manage to get back to the TARDIS, so I thought I'd give one a shot.**

 **Thanks for reading, let me know what you thought!**

 **-MayFairy :)**

Guest Review Replies:

Guest - _Thanks! I've updated AAWK so hopefully you're happy there. Know that it won't at any point be abandoned, it just takes me a while to update my fics because I have several ongoing ones that need my attention. This one, Against All We Know, and The Definition of Trouble have the highest priority but it's still easy for one of them to get neglected for a while if I hit a block._

WonderfulWhovian - _Here's an update! Hope you liked it, let me know!_


	6. The Uncivil South: Prisoners

" _Oh. This looks bad, doesn't it?"_

" _Yeah, yeah it does. Care to explain yourselves?"_

"Er," the Doctor said unhelpfully, frowning at the Confederate soldiers but apparently not sure of the best way to proceed, "Well-"

"Make it quick, before I decide just shootin' you ain't easier."

"We found the Union jacket weeks ago, snagged on a branch," Aliya interrupted, "In this weather we can't afford to be picky, especially with Jenny underdressed and cold. Should we have let the lady freeze?"

"S'pose not," the Confederate group's leader sniffed.

The Doctor got out the psychic paper. "I think you'll find that this will explain everything."

The other man squinted at it. "Personal messengers of Jefferson Davis?" He looked very sceptical. "Three Brits and a Chinaman?"

"I'm Korean," Jay snapped. "And I grew up in this country, same as you."

"You do sound more American than your friends, weird as that might be," he agreed.

"Anyway," the Doctor interrupted, "We really need to get back to our, um, messenger stuff. So if you don't mind, we'll be on our way. To, er, Richmond." The request might have gone down better if Mother Nature hadn't chosen that moment to release another torrent of rain down on them.

"Well, surely in this here weather you'll allow us to shelter you at our base until things become more suitable for the lady?"

"We really do need to get going," the Doctor insisted.

"Virginia's long way off, you should stop and rest yourselves first."

"I'm really fine," Jenny added.

The leader, who was probably a colonel or something similar (but Jay wouldn't know), just shook his head and gave Jenny a smile that wasn't really as reassuring as it seemed to be intended. "I insist."

"Er-" Jenny looked ready to decline again, but the Doctor's shoulders had sank and he subtly shook his head at her. "Thank you. That would be lovely, so long as we can be on our way again as soon as the weather lets up."

"Of course, ma'am. Now, if you could introduce your escorts?"

"I prefer the term companions," Jenny said, grinning while her father just rolled his eyes, "This is my brother, John Smith, and his friend Alan Jones. And this is my brother's ward, Jay Kim."

"Pleasure. I'm Major Joseph Turner, at your service," Turner bowed to Jenny politely and gave nods to the others, "If you'll follow me." He offered Jenny his arm, and she hesitantly took it. Her 'male' companions followed close behind as the group set off.

"So the Confederates are the racist ones who end up losing?" Aliya was whispering to the Doctor.

"The Union represent the actual government and want to end slavery, the South has too much money to lose and so want to become separate so they can keep profiting from the free labour."

"Okay, I think I've got it. But seriously, I'll never understand the idea of treating people differently because of the pigment of their skin. It's just melanin, isn't it? Even some of the most evil people in the galaxy wouldn't be able to come up with something so ridiculous."

"Yes, because humans are known for their unfailingly logical dispositions," the Doctor replied wryly, making his friend snort.

"I'd talk a little quieter if I were you," Jay said to them over his shoulder, and they had the decency to look a bit embarrassed. "Is Jenny safe with him?"

"Hard to say, but as long as we have eyes on her, what's the worst that could happen?" The Doctor winced. "I shouldn't have said that, actually." Aliya rolled her eyes. "Ooh, Fort Hubbard!"

The Doctor, in Jay's opinion, seemed fair too excited about their destination considering that it looked more like a potential prison than a pleasant place to visit. At least it seemed like someone else was of the same one.

"Oh yes, military forts, my absolute favourite place to be," Aliya said sarcastically.

"No, you don't understand, this fort never saw battle," the Doctor explained, "Which means if we're here, neither will we. This is good."

"Oh," his blonde friend mumbled, shooting him an embarrassed look, "That is good, actually. Sorry."

"It's alright, I know better than to expect you to be in a good mood when you're still all muddy," he replied, smiling at her, completely unfazed by her abrupt change in manner.

Aliya smiled back, her eyes downcast in a way that on anyone else would've looked shy. "Stop being all reasonable."

"Never."

Jay chuckled and they both looked at him with sharp curiosity, making him stop. "Sorry. You guys are just kind of funny."

"Good, funny's good," the Doctor told him, beaming, "Now come on, Jenny and the major are getting a bit further ahead than I'd like."

They had come into a sort of large and dimly lit entrance room, and the major was sending one of his soldiers off somewhere before turning back to Jenny and smiling at her once again.

"As soon as the general gives us permission, miss, we'll be able to give your companions and yourself some lodgings until the weather clears."

"Thank you very much," Jenny told him, flashing a gracious smile that in Jay's opinion was starting to look tired.

The Doctor came up to her and put his arm around her shoulders. "You alright?"

"Fine," she said, "Just cold."

"Welcome to the club," Jay said, shivering. For her claim, Jenny looked fine, or at least not nearly as affected by the temperature as him.

All the same, she was quick to laugh at him. "It's alright, I'm sure we'll be able to get near some blankets or a fire in no time." The Doctor leaned down to whisper in her ear, and Jay couldn't make out what he was saying, but whatever it was made Jenny visibly sober within ten seconds.

"You know, I believe we have a few messages we could use taken to Mr Davis," Major Turner said, directing his words to Aliya since the Doctor and Jenny were engaged. "I imagine you would be able to take those on for us."

"Oh," Aliya said, alarmed, "No, I'm sorry."

"I thought you were going to Richmond."

"We are, but we're, er, making a detour first," she stammered, "And we've no idea how long we may be waylaid there, so I wouldn't recommend-"

"Detour? To where?"

"Uh - Aberdeen," Aliya blurted, and Jay felt his gut drop as the major's eyes narrowed at her and the Doctor's head shot up.

"Aberdeen?"

"Yes," she said weakly.

"You know, my grandmama was from Aberdeen," the Major said.

"How nice?"

"And so I know that Aberdeen's in Scotland."

"Fuck," Aliya said, wincing.

"Which means you're a liar."

"No, she's just confused, she meant Alabama," the Doctor interrupted, but with one critical error that only made the situation _far_ worse.

" _She?"_ The Major's eyebrow went up as he looked to Aliya with new scrutiny, inspecting her from head to toe. "Well I'll be damned. A woman. You almost had me fooled."

"Pretty sure I did have you fooled, actually," she replied.

"Aliya, I think it's time for you to shut up," the Doctor said as politely as he could.

"Fair point."

"Now, I don't see why you'd be lying to someone on your own side," Major Turner said, looking at them all with a disgusted expression, "Or why you'd be trying to pass off a lady-" He took another look at Aliya's disheveled state and snorted. "Well, a woman in any case, as a male. But it can't be for any good reason, so I reckon you gotta be Union spies."

"We're not," Jay insisted, even if that had actually been exactly what they had been claiming not a whole day before.

"Sounds like exactly what a spy would say," Turner told him.

"Oh yes, and an innocent person is going to say something different!" The Doctor said with sarcastic exasperation, throwing his hands in the air.

"Don't get smart with me, bow tie," Turner snapped, "Stanton, take them to holding."

"Yes sir."

* * *

Jay had never been in any kind of prison cell before and had never particularly expected to end up in one. And if he had, he wouldn't have imagined it to be the damp, dismal room of mere stone walls and one tiny window that it was.

"Not even a bench," Jenny remarked as she took in their surroundings and sighed. "This cell is even more rubbish than our usual."

Jay lifted an eyebrow at her. "Your usual?"

"This sort of thing happens to us a lot," Jenny said, shrugging as they followed the lead of the Doctor and Aliya by sitting down on the cold stone of the floor. "Now, do you want this jacket? You're still shivering."

It was tempting, and Jay nearly said yes as he eyed the thick garment covering her shoulders. But he forced himself to shake his head.

"Jay, I told you, I don't need it-"

"I know," he said honestly, "But I'm already Asian, I don't need to give them another reason to hate me by wearing that."

Jenny sighed and pulled her knees up to her chest so that she could rest her chin on them. "I'm sorry we got you into this, Jay. This whole thing stinks."

"It's okay, it's not your fault," Jay said, and couldn't help glancing at Aliya, who noticed.

"No, it's mine," she agreed, sighing and looking very disheartened, "I'm really sorry. I shouldn't have said anything when I don't have a clue where anything on this planet is besides Cardiff and London."

"It was a bit of a dumb move," Jay admitted, "But to be fair, hesitating in answering could have gotten us in just as much trouble, really. Don't worry about it too much."

She gave him a small, grateful smile, but didn't look massively reassured. "Let's give this a few hours and see if you still feel so forgiving."

"What's the worst that could happen?" He asked. The other three all groaned.

" _Never_ say that," Jenny admonished him, "That's just tempting the universe to have a proper go at us, and now it will."

"Oh, oops," he said sheepishly. "Sorry." There was a brief silence, which was a rarity given how talkative all members of the group tended to be. "So what do we do now? How long are we doing to be stuck here?"

"Hard to say," the Doctor admitted, shrugging his shoulders.

"Doesn't your screwdriver thing open doors?"

"The lock's too primitive, it doesn't do wood."

Jay stared at him with disbelief and half wondered if he was joking. "Seriously? You're a fancy alien genius who can get through high tech alien doors but not rubbish human ones?"

"You can't hack wood, Jay! Low tech is severely underrated in its effectiveness against high tech enemies, I'll have you know," the Doctor said defensively.

"I'll take your word for it," Jay replied, "But if you end up in prisons like this a lot and your screwdriver doesn't work on most of the locks, how do you normally get out?"

"It varies," Jenny said, chuckling. "There's no set plan, every situation's different."

"That isn't very reassuring," he told her, lifting an eyebrow and making her giggle.

"Welcome to my life."

Before he could reply, the cell door unlocked and swung open with a bang, making them jump. A uniformed man strode in, and there was no mistaking a general. This man, broad shouldered and square jawed with greying ginger hair poking out from underneath his hat, was inarguably in charge.

"On your feet," he ordered, and they all got off the floor. His eyes ran over them critically, lingering on each of them in turn. "Names."

"My name is John Smith, that's my sister Jenny, and my ward Jay Kim. And this is Aliya."

"Ah yes, the one posing as a male," the general remarked, lifting an eyebrow in the older blonde's direction. "I heard. Well, I can certainly see how the mistake was made, with the state she's in."

Aliya rolled her eyes. "The idea was put in their heads before they took a proper look at me, the context did the work for me. That's simple top-down processing, they saw what they expected to see."

The general blinked at her, clearly not having expected her to talk back to him, let alone with words he didn't quite understand.

"I don't care to know your ways of dishonesty. My name is General Stuart, and-"

"It's basic cognition, actually. It doesn't usually apply to lying about one's gender, but I suppose your soldiers just aren't that bright." She winced when the Doctor elbowed her hard in the ribs, but didn't break the general's gaze.

He didn't look pleased.

"I should have known you'd be trouble. Lowborn women with delusions of standing always are," he said to her, scowling.

Aliya blinked at him before giving him the sweetest, falsest smile Jay had ever seen. "It astounds me how you believe yourself to be able to identify the aristocracy at a glance. But then, you no doubt have incorrect ideas on what makes a lady, so I probably shouldn't be surprised."

The Doctor massaged the bridge of his nose with exasperation while General Stuart looked even more peeved off than before.

"Nothing you say will do you any good," he told them, "You've established yourselves as liars, meaning you're probably enemy spies. So bear in mind that you are entirely at our mercy."

"Only, you'll have a code of conduct for treatment of prisoners of war," Jenny pointed out, and General Stuart gave her a cold look.

"If you were soldiers," he said, "But you're spies, no official status. Therefore, we're at liberty to do whatever we like with you."

Jay really didn't like the sound of that, and by the looks of things, neither did the others. The Doctor set his jaw and cocked one of his delicate eyebrows at the general.

"And what will that be?"

"Could be nothing, if you cooperate," came the curt reply, "But if not, my soldiers are lonely out here on their own. I know they'd appreciate some female company." His gaze went to Jenny. "The pretty one, of course, not the filthy one with the smart mouth."

The younger blonde went pale and glanced at her father, who had something dangerous flash through his eyes. Jay realised that this had likely been exactly what he had warned her about earlier that had wiped the smile from her face so quickly.

His mouth opened to reply, but Aliya bet him to it. She took a step forward and lifted her chin, a shift in her posture changing her demeanour entirely. Jay couldn't pinpoint how, but in mere seconds she'd turned into something altogether more imposing than the version of her he was familiar with.

"If you even think about going anywhere near Jenny, I can promise you a world of misery," she said to Stuart, with a power in her tone and fierce expression that made him hesitate.

It didn't take him longer than a second to mask how she'd unsettled him. His eyes ran over her slowly. "You offering yourself instead? Suppose with a wash you'd be tolerable enough, maybe even pleasant."

Her expression didn't waver, she just crossed her arms. "Anyone who comes near me loses the offending limb. Look at me and tell me if I'm lying." He held her gaze. "Now, I've never dismembered anyone before, or killed anyone, but when it comes to that girl next to Jay I will do anything to keep her and myself safe. Oh, and the man next to me is feared across more continents than you even know exist, so I wouldn't advise angering him either. Basically, back the fuck off."

General Stuart swallowed as he took her in and realised that she meant every word she had said. Then he smirked. "Fine. Have it your way." He glanced over his shoulder at his men by the door. "Take the one in the bowtie and beat some answers out of him."

The two men were quick to do as they were told, and Aliya opened her mouth to argue again, but the Doctor shook his head at her as he was unceremoniously dragged out of the cell.

"I'll be fine," he promised them, "You three just stay safe and for god's sake, Aliya, stop getting mouthy with the officers."

The door slammed shut, leaving them alone once more. Aliya's arms wrapped around herself while her face had taken on a sickly green hue. Jenny's gaze shifted from the door where her father had disappeared to her other friend, and she rushed to hug Aliya tightly. The older woman hugged her back with a quiet, desperate relief.

"I never knew you were any good at being scary. Properly scary, that is."

Aliya laughed a little. "I normally don't have any need to be." They pulled away to smile at each other. "But I'd never let anyone hurt you. Or for that matter, any of-" She trailed off as she looked to the door again, and her smile evaporated. She sat back down against the wall opposite the entrance and said nothing more.

Jenny had only just returned to her spot next to Jay when a yell of pain could be heard from down the hallway. They all winced. Seeing the tight expression on Aliya's face, Jay tried to think of what he could do to lighten the mood.

"You know, I think there's an Aberdeen in South Dakota," he told her, "So if the major hadn't had a Scottish grandmother and you hadn't shown your mistake, it might not have been such a dumb thing to say after all."

She gave him a weak smile. "I appreciate what you're trying to do, Jay, but my ego really doesn't need protecting. If you have any other kind of ideas to pass the time, though, they'd be welcome."

"We could have a sing along?" He suggested, making the other two laugh.

"I don't know if Jenny and I would be any good, but you're welcome to sing anything you like."

Jay thought over it and picked a favourite Ed Sheeran song from the newest album. When he began to sing the cell became entirely silent but for the soft, strong sound of his voice. For a few minutes their dismal situation seemed a fraction less awful.

As the final syllable faded, Jenny burst into quiet applause and Aliya joined her.

"That was lovely," Jenny said to Jay, nudging him with her shoulder and giving him a tiny grin, "We might have to come to one of your open mic nights. Or go into the future to see if you get famous."

"You can do that?"

"Only if we had no intentions of seeing you again," Aliya said, "Best not to look into the future of your friends. It never ends well."

"Oh. I suppose that makes sense."

"Speaking of which, you never told me that you kissed River," Jenny said, a sly grin taking over her face, and Aliya's cheeks went pink.

"Oh, yeah, well, she kissed me," she replied, her lips twitching, "Mainly to see how the Doctor and I would react, which for the record was mostly utter bewilderment."

Jenny laughed. "Was she a good kisser?"

A nostalgic, wistful smile curled Aliya's mouth. "Oh yes. Far too good. Uh, later, when I was _very_ intoxicated, I've been told I tried to-" Her cheeks turned a deeper shade of red. "Well, seduce her. Which she enjoyed immensely, she said it pained her to have to turn me down."

"So, this River woman is married to the Doctor but a really good friend of yours that you had a bit of a thing for?" Jay asked Aliya.

Jenny frowned at them. "Well no, that's not quite-"

"It's much more complicated than that," Aliya interrupted, "Though I suppose when you put it like that, it's not entirely off the mark, but really I-"

"Wait, you said _was_ ," Jay realised, looking at Jenny, who meanwhile was looking at Aliya with confusion, "So, she's not around anymore, that's why you don't know her personally."

"She died," Aliya told him, her tone curt and her expression flat, "And on that cheery note, I'd rather talk about something else."

A loud, agonised groan echoed in the corridor outside the door, and Jay felt a bit ill and knew the other two were much the same going by the pale pallor of their faces. The Doctor, for all his personality made up for it, was not a physically empowered man as far as Jay knew. The idea of him being beaten - or whatever it was that was happening down the corridor - was a horrific one.

"I wish River were here," Aliya whispered after a long period of silence was broken by another cry of the Doctor's, "I mean, I always wish she was here, but she'd have no qualms about making the people who are hurting him right now pay for it. I just...don't know if I have that in me."

"It's not your job to kick the butt of anyone who hurts Dad," Jenny told her.

"Maybe not, but sometimes it feels like it, since he considers it his job if things are the other way around. Even if actual butt kicking doesn't take place."

"You guys look after each other," Jay noted, not that he had ever really thought the opposite.

Jenny laughed. "We have to, with all the trouble we always get in."

"So your lives are really always like this?"

"It's not always this bad," his new friend assured him, smiling, "Sometimes we just get to go to alien planets and see amazing, beautiful things. No one evil or cruel in sight."

"That sounds nice."

"Yeah."

The cell door banged open, making them all jump again, and the Doctor was ungraciously thrown back inside. He landed on his knees and grunted at the impact. Before Jenny could barely move an inch, Aliya had lurched forward so that she was on the floor in front of the Doctor, her head level with his as her hands tilted his face to look up at her.

The Doctor's left eye was purple and swollen, with smaller bruises covering the rest of that side of his face. He had a bloody lip and nose, the latter of which was slightly crooked. And that was to say nothing of what bruises might have been forming underneath his clothes.

"I'm so sorry," Aliya told him with dismay, her eyes watering, "This is all my fault."

"You're not the one that did this," he said, shaking his head as he pulled his legs underneath him so that he could sit on his heels.

"But it was my idiocy that made this happen."

"You can't blame yourself for someone else's brutality."

"But you're - _look_ at you," she whispered, her voice cracking as her fingers pushed hair back from his face. He gave her a weak smile.

"Quite glad I can't, actually," he replied, "Now, give me a second." His hands came up to his nose, and with one last wince, he set it back in the right place. "There. Much better."

"Are you okay?" Jenny asked, in the smallest voice Jay had ever heard from her. When he and the Doctor looked at her, her eyes were wide with the youth Jay had known about but never truly seen until now.

The Doctor nodded and gave her a reassuring smile. "I'm always okay. I'm the King of Okay. I promise."

"Okay."

The Doctor wasn't able to reply because Aliya had launched herself at him in a bone crushing embrace, making him wince as her arms wound around his neck. "Ah! Aliya, please, bit more gently. I have a lot of, er, sore spots."

She recoiled instantly. "I'm so sorry-"

"No, it's fine, I just need some rest, I think," he said, his breathing and speech more laboured than Jay had initially realised, "Of course, this place isn't exactly the comfiest spot to be doing that."

And that was how Aliya ended up back against the wall, with the Doctor's head in her lap as he dozed off. She had one hand on his head and the other at his shoulder, like she wanted to be sure he was really there and wasn't about to be taken away and hurt again.

Jenny just watched them, her worry written all over her face. On a whim, Jay took her hand and gave it a squeeze, and was relieved when she gave him a tiny, grateful smile.

"Bet you thought being in an alien hunger games was the weirdest thing that was going to happen to you for a while," she said wryly.

"The being a prisoner of Confederate soldiers in the nineteenth century thing took me by surprise a bit, yeah," Jay replied, grinning. "Not really something I'll be able to tell my friends. I don't even think my sister will believe me."

"Maybe not, but-" She went quiet unexpectedly.

"But?"

For some reason, she just shook her head at him, her brow furrowed with concentration. He opened his mouth to say something else but she just shushed him.

"Are you alright?" He tried again after about half a minute, and was relieved when she allowed him to finish the question.

"No, I feel ill, I think it might be from the rain," she said, a little louder than necessary and without anything on her face to support her words, "I should have known I might catch my death out there."

Jay wasn't quite sure what to say, and so just gave her a quizzical look. She licked her lips and gave him a look back that he could only read as _trust me_ , so he did just that. Aliya had looked up curiously at them, and upon receiving the same look as Jay, just gave Jenny a nod.

They fell back into a silence, one that Jenny let last for another few minutes before speaking up again.

"I can't do this anymore," she said, with an overly dramatic sigh as she got to her feet, "Excuse me? Can I talk to the general, please?" She went to the door of the cell and looked through the bars in the small window. "Look, I know you can hear me, so please listen. I think I'm getting sick, from being out in the rain. And being in this cell's going to be the death of me. I need blankets and a fire and something hot to eat. I'm faithful to my cause, but not more than my own life. Please, if you take me to the general I'll tell him whatever he wants to know if it means he'll look after me."

There was a pause, and the sound of movement behind the door. Perhaps the soldier standing guard turning around?

It occurred to Jay that since she was pretending to betray them, he should probably kick up a bit of a fuss.

"Jenny, no," he said, trying to sound as horrified and desperate as he could, "You can't-"

"Shut up, Jay, I'll do as I like," she snapped, before turning back to the guard through the door, "I'll be sure to mention how you slowly, but sensibly, realised what the general could stand to gain by making a deal with me," she said more slowly, with what looked like a hopeful smile, " _Please_. I never even wanted to be a part with this, but my brother forced me into it so that he could keep an eye on me. But he doesn't even take care of me, I want to work for someone who will, like the general."

Another pause. "Tell your friends to get to the back wall so I can see 'em," the guard said, and Jay moved to sit by Aliya and the Doctor, so that he and the guard were in each other's lines of sight.

Then the door opened.

"Thank you," Jenny said, with a sigh of great relief, and held out her arm to the guard, "Take me to the general, then."

He put his arm through hers as she stepped out of the cell. But right when he reached to close the door behind him, her arm jerked to grab the gun hanging at his waist, and within a second she had stepped back and had the gun pressed to his lips.

"Keep quiet and let us out?" She said with a sweet smile. He could only nod dumbly.

"Now that sounds familiar," the Doctor groaned as he sat up and Aliya helped him to his feet while Jay raced forward to make sure he had Jenny's back in case the guard tried anything.

"What can I say, I've been breaking us out of prison cells since the day I was born," Jenny laughed, and by the way the Doctor chuckled, Jay knew she was telling the truth, which was funny but still incredibly strange.

"Nice job, Jen," Aliya told the younger blonde, who grinned with too much cheer for someone who had a gun pointed at someone's head.

"Not sure about the gun bit," the Doctor said with disapproval, but the others mostly ignored him. Jay knew he certainly wasn't about to get picky about how they escaped.

"We're going to need your bowtie, Dad," Jenny told him.

"Why?"

"To gag him, so that when we throw him into the cell and lock him in he can't yell for help and tell everyone about our escape."

"Ah. Fair plan." The Doctor, somewhat reluctantly, undid the blue fabric around his neck and handed it to Jay, who put it in the guard's mouth and tied it firmly at the back of his head.

With that they threw him into the cell and locked the door behind him. Jenny rightfully looked very pleased with herself and her at least partially successful plan.

"Shall we, then?" She asked them brightly.

"You're not going to use that gun," her father warned, with a surprising amount of conviction for the weakened state he was in.

Jenny grinned. "Yeah, but they don't know that."

"Lead the way, boss," Aliya said to her, grinning back, "Your dad and I will take up the rear."

Thankfully, the Doctor had some knowledge about the layout of the fort, so he was able to give his daughter some direction on the best way to get them out. They did surprisingly well up until the last leg, which was getting across the main courtyard to the exit to the woods.

"I can see this going badly," Jay said, eyeing the pair of soldiers who were standing chatting right by the exit.

"We've got to try, only two isn't so bad," Jenny replied.

"Hey, you!" The shout came from behind them, and they looked over their shoulders to see a group of five bewildered soldiers staring at them.

"Shit," Jenny said, and pushed her way into the courtyard, pulling Jay with her, "Run!"

"Actually I was thinking of taking a slower walk right now," Jay told her sarcastically, but through an out of breath grin.

"Can we save banter for when we're not being shot at?!" Aliya yelled from behind them as bullets from revolvers whizzed past their heads.

They somehow made it to the exit unharmed, but there was still the problem of the two soldiers stationed there who had jumped to attention with all the racket going on. Jenny lifted her gun at the nearest one, since his companion appeared to have been hit by one of the bullets intended for them.

"Let us pass, and I won't shoot," she said as they got closer.

"Reckon I'm quicker than a lil' lady like you," the remaining soldier said, lifting his gun in turn and giving her a smug look.

"I wouldn't be so sure," Jenny replied, and Jay leaned over her shoulder to whisper his idea in her ear, she gave a tiny nod of her head. "Now look, I understand that you're fighting for the important right of being able to keep other human beings as slaves, but some of us just want to get back home, you know?"

"You would be on their side," he spat, "Since you got one of those Chinese weirdos with you-"

What happened next happened very quickly. Jenny dropped her gun, and took advantage of the momentary shock of her adversary to grab his gun arm and force it towards the ground, gripping it tight. This provided Jay the opportunity to leap forward and punch him in the jaw hard enough to send him to the ground.

"I'm Korean," he said to the near unconscious man, kicking the gun out of his hand once Jenny had stepped back.

"Good job, now get moving," Aliya told them, and with that they set off at a run again. The soldiers were still pursuing them, though, and the TARDIS was still such a long way off that the whole situation seemed hopeless.

 _If I die in the middle of the American Civil War, no one back home will know what happened to me. I'll just have disappeared._

"Throw these behind us," Jay heard the Doctor say, and when he looked over his shoulder, he saw the older man handing his friend a brown bag that seemed to be wriggling.

"What the hell are these?" Aliya asked.

"Doesn't matter, they'll help us get away, just take them out and throw them."

She did as he said, taking each round squirming thing out of the bag with a look of distaste before hurling them over her shoulder. As each one hit the ground, it exploded into a puddle of strange grey goo, a goo that clung to the feet of any soldier that tried to cross it.

Their pursuers were forced to stop and shoot, unable to keep after them. Once they hit the cover of the trees, they were able to stop for a short while to get their breath back and let the Doctor rest up against a tree trunk.

"I thought we were dead for sure," Jay admitted through his pants, his heart still pounding against his ribcage with the force and speed of a racehorse.

"Venusian squid eggs," the Doctor said through his own heavy gasps, "Handy for desperate getaways. Been saving them for a rainy day. Didn't know it would be an actually rainy day. Shame though, those were my only ones. Won them off a street juggler, next galaxy over."

Jay had been so busy concentrating on their escape that he had completely failed to notice that it was still raining. Once again, they were all soaked to the bone.

"So, TARDIS?" He asked, and the Doctor beamed.

"TARDIS. I've had quite enough of this place and its soldiers for now," he agreed, and with the help of the sonic screwdriver, it wasn't too long until they were back at the tall blue box.

The Doctor pressed a kiss to its panels and leaned his cheek against it, letting out a sigh of contentment. Jay lifted an eyebrow at Aliya and Jenny, who just shared giggles.

"Come on, you, we need to get you to the infirmary," the former said to the Doctor, and the four of them went inside. They went up the stairs and into the corridors until they came into a sterile white room which had to be the mentioned infirmary.

"This isn't necessary, you know," the Doctor tried to tell them as he was made to sit on the bed while Aliya and Jenny started looking through the drawers. "Ow. Actually, that being said, my head really is pounding."

"Here, have one of these," Jay said when he spotted a bottle of aspirin on the nearby counter.

"Ah, not a good idea, I'm afraid," the Doctor said weakly, smiling and shaking his head, pushing the offered bottle away.

"Why not?"

"My species are deathly allergic to aspirin."

"And what species is that?"

"Time Lord," the Doctor replied, and chuckled at Jay's sceptical look, "You know, that's the exact face my old friend Martha gave me when I told her that. Pretentious, I know."

"And hardly incorrect," Aliya said as she squinted at the label on a smaller bottle she had found, "Now, what about this one? I'm so far from an expert, but I'm not seeing any major red flags, so it should be okay. It says it eases pain and lessens inner and outer bruising."

The Doctor eyed it and shrugged. "Should be fine."

"Good." She uncapped the bottle before handing it to him. While he drank some of it, she got him a glass and filled it with water from a nearby sink. "Now, drink," she said as she held the glass to his lips.

He gave her a grin, his words still breathy from the pain when he spoke. "What was that earlier about not being my wife or my mother?"

Aliya smirked. "You're right, I'm much worse. Now drink."

He pulled a childish face at her, but did as he was told, and she pulled a face back at him before they grinned at each other.

"So, home for you, then?" Jenny asked Jay after a few moments.

For some reason the question took him by surprise. Before this whole mess of soldiers and history coming to life before his eyes, he had been set on nothing more than going home. But now, the idea was a bit strange, and not quite as appealing as it once had been.

"I don't know," he said honestly.

"What do you mean?" Jenny asked, at the same time that the Doctor murmured something that sounded suspiciously like 'good answer' into his glass of water.

Jay let out a nervous laugh and ran a hand through his hair. "I mean, I've never hit anyone in my whole life. And I just punched a racist Confederate soldier in the face. How - how many people get to say that? How many people would kill for that chance?"

Jenny and Aliya grinned at him while the Doctor looked a bit more disapproving but snorted into his drink all the same.

"When we were in the arena, you said that maybe I could come with you," Jay said to Jenny, excited by the idea until the Doctor and Aliya's eyebrows went up and they gave their younger companion surprised looks.

"Just an idea," Jenny said sheepishly.

"I'd get it if you don't want me around," Jay was quick to say, doing his best to cover his disappointment, "It was just-"

"Why wouldn't we want you around?" The Doctor asked, frowning at him. "You're great."

Something about the frankness of the compliment made Jay blush. "Oh. Uh, thanks? Is that a yes? Could I come with you guys?"

"Fine by me," Aliya said, shrugging and giving him a smile.

"I'd love you to stay," Jenny told him, beaming.

Jay looked to the Doctor, who had taken in their reactions with interest and had now directed his gaze to Jay. Slowly, a wide smile spread across the older man's face and he held out his hand towards Jay.

"Well, Mr Kim, welcome aboard," the Doctor said to him warmly, and Jay laughed and was quick to shake the offered hand.

"Thanks! But could we pop back to London so I can grab my guitar? I hate being without it."

The Doctor laughed. "I'm sure we can manage that. First stop, guitar, next stop, everywhere."

* * *

 **Guess who was studying for a cognitive psychology test while writing this chapter? I'd recommend looking into top-down processing and the 'multiple personalities of a blob' if you're interested in how people perceive things based on their expectations.**

 **Next chapter: a murder mystery aboard a space pirate ship!**

 **Thanks for reading, let me know what you thought! And thanks to all the feedback so far! (The site is being a pain at the moment and not letting me reply to reviews but I am receiving them and cherishing each one I promise.)**

 **-MayFairy :)**

 **p.s.** **Keep an eye out for a fic I'm going to post called _Unobserved_ , which is going to cover any outtakes from this story that are impossible to show due to the limited viewpoint. And yes, a lot of it will probably just be shameless Daliya fluff (because obviously they don't really do PDA or anything like that hence why Jay still is completely oblivious as to the nature of their relationship), but some other stuff too, I promise. **

Guest Review Reply:

WonderfulWhovian - _thanks so much! Classic Who is great, and the old historical arcs are really fun because you really don't necessarily need aliens to have a great Doctor Who story. Hope you liked this chapter, and that it was worth the wait!_


	7. Murder In The Stars: Shipmate Down

**Behold the first part of an arc that is my first attempt at a murder mystery. But with (gay) pirates. In space.**

* * *

While the Doctor rested up and Aliya took to trying to get his face clean of blood, Jay was led to one of the TARDIS kitchens by Jenny.

"Tea, coffee, hot chocolate, or something else?"

"Coffee, please," he said gratefully, and she got to work with the drinks machine that looked far more advanced than anything in his century. "So we'll be going back to my apartment for my guitar?

Jenny nodded. "Assuming we can actually get there, which between the questionable piloting and the TARDIS' tendency to take us where _she_ wants instead of where we want, is the real trick."

"You make it sound like she's alive."

"She is, in a way. I don't pretend to know how it works, but she's sentient, as far as I understand it."

Jay eyed the ceiling warily, not sure how he felt about being inside a ship that had a mind of its own. "Would my chances of getting to my apartment be better if I said please?" He asked, half asking Jenny and half asking the ship. When the room let out a funny sort of hum, he jumped a mile. "Was that a reply?"

"Sounded like a maybe," Jenny laughed, "Though I'm not an expert."

"Seems like maybes have been all I've ever gotten since I met you," he told her, sighing but good-naturedly.

Jenny grinned and shrugged again. "What can I say, not too much is certain in our line of living." She made a face. "Except: Dad making speeches, us coming close to but not actually dying, and Aliya mothering everyone who looks like they need it who isn't Dad."

"Including you?" Jay asked, grinning back at her.

"Especially me," Jenny replied, "And probably you as well, now. Still, there are worse things."

"Like being on her bad side, apparently," he said, thinking back to when she had threatened the general, and the steel in her eyes that he'd never expected, "She threatened to _dismember_ or _kill_ General Stuart or anyone else that got any unsavoury ideas."

"Like I say, mothering. Though I've got to admit, that bit was new even for me, and not half weird coming from the same person who I've seen bawl her eyes out watching _Lilo and Stitch_."

"Okay, but to be fair, a lot of people cry watching _Lilo and Stitch_ ," Jay said.

Jenny's eyebrow went up as she grinned at him. "Would you be included in that group, by any chance?"

Jay grinned back. "Proudly."

"Proudly included in what group?" They whipped around to see Aliya entering the room, now clean of mud and in a yellow sundress with bare feet.

"Nothing," Jenny said, "Dad alright?"

"Fine," Aliya said, chuckling, "Now that he's done being tough, he's predictably turned into a baby. Whining with every cut I cleaned. The gratitude. Luckily, I have my ways of shutting him up."

Jenny smirked as she handed Jay his coffee. "Want a hot chocolate?" She asked the other blonde.

"Please," came the grateful reply as she sat down at the counter. "You know, one day soon we'll actually get to that pancake parlour in the 1960's he promised me three months ago."

"Is casual racism something to look forward to for any time we land in the past?" Jay asked without warning, the mention of the 1960's sparking the thought.

"Oh, uh, I guess," Jenny said, her face falling, "I mean, we're all, you know-"

"White."

"Yeah. So we'd not given it much thought."

"Just act like you own the place and you'd be surprised how easily people will leave you alone," Aliya suggested, "I've found that works for me on any particularly patriarchal planets, and the same principles probably apply with this."

"Okay," Jay said apprehensively, "I'll give it a go."

"But I mean, we can always try and aim for other times and places," she added, "It's not like we're low on other options."

"Right, like other planets," Jay said, feeling like an idiot for somehow abstractly forgetting that that was an option. "That's still crazy to try and get my head around."

"We'll just have to find you one to help you out," Jenny said, patting him on the shoulder.

"Give the Doctor a couple of hours to sleep the worst of his bruises off, and we'll get you a planet," Aliya promised.

Jay lifted an eyebrow at her. "You can't sleep bruises off in a few hours."

She gave him an amused smile. "Maybe you can't." With that she got up from her stool and headed for the door. "Now I'm going to make sure he actually does. Knowing him he'll be trying to get up because he's a hyperactive idiot."

As she left, Jenny got a thoughtful look on her face. "Do you like swimming, Jay?"

"What?"

She laughed at his utterly bemused expression. "We have a pool, and a couple of hours to kill."

"Oh," Jay said, "I, uh, don't have a swimsuit."

She grinned. "We have a wardrobe too. Come on."

* * *

Nothing should have been surprising to Jay anymore, and certainly nothing as mundane as a swimming pool, but the idea of a pool on a spaceship was just too strange. Plus, the pool wasn't mundane in any fashion. It took up an entire room of pearly marble walls and decor.

"This is nice," Jay said as he floated on his back. Jenny was nearby, leaning against the pool wall with her eyes shut.

"Yeah, it's been a favourite spot of mine since Dad first showed it to me."

"It's nice to be able to relax after everything crazy that happened," he told her.

Jenny opened one of her eyes so that she could grin at him. "Even if the relaxing is in the pool room of an alien spaceship that can travel through time and looks like a policebox from the 1960's?"

Jay rolled his eyes and sent a splash her way, making her squeal and start laughing.

"You like making fun of me, don't you?"

"No," she said, but didn't sound remotely convincing. When he just cocked an eyebrow at her, she splashed him in the face and it started an all out war.

That was how the Doctor and Aliya found them, the two adults (well, they were all adults, but the two more _legitimate_ adults) walking in to see water going everywhere and Jenny's squeal pealing through the air.

"I don't know what I expected," Aliya said, "But this wasn't it."

"Who's winning?" The Doctor asked. Both Jenny and Jay insisted that they were, and proceeded to continue splashing each other to prove their point. "Okay, okay, how about a tie?"

"I never concede a battle-" Jenny started to say before spluttering upon inhaling a large amount of water from the splash sent her way.

"Well as the owner of the ship and therefore the pool, I declare a tie," the Doctor said, grinning at their disappointed looks, "Come on you two, get dry and we'll see if we can't find Jay a planet. It's his first go, so we need something amazing. How about Florana?"

"Don't say Florana, whenever you say Florana we never actually get there," Aliya complained.

"What about about Collactin? Before it gets destroyed by Zanak in that nasty business that almost got Earth, of course, and it really did have some lovely sunsets."

"I'll trust your judgement," Jay said as he climbed out of the pool. "Where can I grab a towel?"

"Full body dryer down the corridor, third right, big purple door, can't miss it," the alien man told him cheerfully, pointing out the door. "Just meet us in the console room when you're all sorted. Help yourself to clothes from the wardrobe if you want fresh ones."

* * *

"Okay, but we are going to my apartment first, right? To get my guitar?" Jay asked as he came into the console room, Jenny behind him.

"Oh, I'd forgotten about that," the Doctor said, looking slightly disappointed. "You're not going to need it on Collactin, though-"

"Doctor, we promised," Aliya said, elbowing him.

"Did we?"

"I think so."

"Oh. Alright then."

A few minutes later, Jay was stepping out of the blue box into his own - very small - living room that merged into his kitchen. It was strangely surreal being back in his home after everything that had happened. His unwashed cereal bowl was in the sink, his washing hung up on an unsteady clotheshorse, and there was a half finished shopping list on the kitchen counter. It was all so...normal. Like he hadn't just spent the last two days being chased by aliens and Confederate soldiers.

"Home sweet home, huh?" Jenny asked, poking her head out of the door to have a look.

"Yeah," he said sheepishly, "Sorry about the mess." She just shrugged. That was when he spotted his guitar case and made a beeline for it. Immediately even just having it in his hands brought a new feeling of calm to him, and he was able to step back into the TARDIS with a huge grin on his face.

"Good to go?" The Doctor asked him, smiling.

"Yeah, thanks!"

"Alright, Collactin here we come!"

Jay had the presence of mind to clutch the stair railing with the hand that wasn't holding the guitar case, which meant for the first time he didn't in any way fall over when the ship moved into flight.

Once they had landed, Jay hesitated, unsure of what to do with the guitar case.

"Leave it by the stairs," Jenny said, as if reading his mind (more likely, he figured, he had just looked as lost as he felt), "When we get back we'll find you a room and you can put it there."

"A room?" He repeated.

She laughed at him. "What, did you think we'd make you sleep in the pool room or something?"

"I hadn't really thought about it."

"Stop gabbing, you two, Collactin awaits!" The Doctor told them, already dragging Aliya towards the door. Jay put down the guitar and followed the others out of the box.

He wasn't sure what he was expecting, but walls, ceiling and floor of panelled wood weren't it. Or the olive skinned man in a long red velvet coat who was gaping at the four new arrivals and the box behind them.

"What are you doing on my ship?" He asked them. "And how did you do that?"

"Ah, well, it's all a bit complicated," the Doctor said sheepishly, "But - hang on, did you say ship? Are we not on Collactin?"

The man's bemusement only grew. "No. I've no idea where that is. Is it in the Isop Galaxy?"

"Ah, no, I don't think so. Is that where we are then?"

"Currently sailing through the Tempest Asteroid Field," the man told them, smiling.

"You mean the one that is notorious for having a 70% mortality rate when it comes to navigating it?" Aliya asked, cocking an eyebrow at him. He grinned, which made his already handsome face even more so.

"The very same! My second mate bet me I didn't have the nerve, and I couldn't be having that."

"Man after my own hearts," the Doctor said, looking at him with delight.

"I certainly am, my dear man," he replied, adjusting his coat as he gave the Doctor a not remotely subtle once over before extending his hand. "Captain Manuel, of the ship _Aurora_. And...you are?"

"The Doctor, and this is Jenny, Aliya, and Jay."

Manuel's gaze briefly lingered on Jay, his warm brown eyes almost as intent on him as they had been on the Doctor. "What a delightful group you make," he said, before taking the Doctor's hand and kissing it, making the other man go very pink and gape at him. Aliya and Jenny hid giggles behind their hands. "Come on, all of you, to my cabin. I want to hear all about how your mysterious contraption works."

"It's my ship, not a contraption," the Doctor told him, delicately taking his hand back.

"Ah, a captain like myself!" Manuel said, his eyes lighting up. "Even better. Though I look forward to hearing about how it can function despite being so small. Now, really, come along, I have Arcadian rum and am willing to share some of it with my new guests."

"Your spaceship's made of wood," Jay said, staring at the walls, wondering why that had only just occurred to him.

Manuel didn't even blink. "So is yours," he said, and the Doctor grinned at him. "Now, are you coming?" Before he could get more than a few steps down the corridor, though, a woman in her sixties came into view, a somber expression on her face that only worsened when she saw her captain.

"Manuel," she said, "I have to - who the hell are they? And what's that thing?"

"They are my new guests, and will no doubt answer your other question in due time," Manuel said to her brightly, "Now, what did you have to tell me, Farra?"

"I don't quite know how to tell you this, but...Oren's dead," Farra said, her eyes full of melancholy, "I just found him in your office."

"What?" All of Manuel's good cheer evaporated as his face drained of colour. "No, he can't be."

"I'm so sorry." Farra swallowed. "And I feel I might be to blame. I saw an unfamiliar figure below deck not an hour ago, but dismissed it as my imagination. Now, though, I'm sure of what I saw."

"Well, we only just arrived, as your captain himself will be able to testify, so it can't have been any of us," the Doctor was quick to say, and Manuel nodded.

Farra sighed. "As it happens, I believe you. From my memory, you're all too pale, I'm fairly sure whoever I saw had much darker skin than any of you."

"Take me to him," Manuel said suddenly, having found his voice again, "Now. Doctor, you and your friends had better come with me for the moment."

"Yes, I rather agree."

The group of six went to the end of the corridor and up some stairs, then along another corridor, before finally coming to a door that led into a luxurious office with a large desk and a modern sofa that looked very out of place to Jay, but not as much when he considered some of the strange technology and art scattered around the room.

The dead body on the floor by the desk was a definite low point in the room's decor, though.

"Oh my friend," Manuel breathed, dropping to his knees beside it, tears springing to his eyes, "Who could have done this to you? And why?"

The Doctor picked something up off the floor - a bottle labelled _Arcadia's Finest_. "This wouldn't happen to be the rum you offered us not five minutes ago?"

"Yes," Manuel said, frowning, "I'd been waiting for some occasion to make a proper dent in it."

"It's cracked. I think he might have dropped it as he fell."

"I can see no injuries - oh. The purple stain on his lips."

"Poison," Jenny said, kneeling next to him, "I've seen that exact colour before. Relnax venom. Kills in five seconds flat, deadly to over 150 million different species across the universe."

"You impress me, little one," Manuel murmured. "And took the words out of my mouth."

"Where did you see that?" Aliya asked Jenny curiously.

Jenny smiled weakly. "No matter how many times I tell you and Dad that I got up to a lot of interesting things in the three years it took me to get to 21st century Earth, you always seem to be surprised when it comes up."

"21st century Earth?" Manuel repeated, before Aliya could reply. "What are you on about? We have more pressing concerns than ancient history."

"Yes, like the fact that this bottle was meant for you," the Doctor pointed out. "I'd wager that whoever put poison in it bore poor Oren here no ill will at all. It was you they wanted dead."

Manuel's eyes widened. "Oh stars. You're right, of course." His hand touched Oren's. "And by my guess, I'd say he's been dead at least half an hour, so that definitely has you and your friends off the hook, Doctor."

"It'll be the stowaway I spotted earlier, it has to be," Farra said grimly.

"You're sure it couldn't be a member of the crew?" Aliya asked.

Manuel shook his head as he closed Oren's eyes and stood up. "Certainly not. We're like a family. A family that has now been breached, and will make this murderer pay when we find them."

"And if it's all the same, we'll stay and help, since you've been all too hospitable about our accidental intrusion," the Doctor said, earning a smile from the handsome captain.

"Thank you Doctor. And I will be glad of the distraction of your company in this sad time, I think."

"Why would someone want to kill you in the first place though?" Jay asked Manuel.

"I'm a pirate," he said, shrugging, barely noticing their surprise, "And even the more honourable ones like me make enemies, by sheer nature. More than we can count. Now, let's get work. If we alert the crew, we will smoke out the rat. We know every inch of this ship, they can't hide forever."

"I'll comb the rest of this side and meet you back here," Farra said before leaving.

The rest of them went up to the ship's main deck, which made the four time travellers stop and gape. The ship really was a pirate ship, down to the classic nature of the design, which was not one that should have been plausible for travelling in space. Above them was a sky of stars, and likely underneath the same, with no sea or land or anything but space and asteroids in sight.

"How are we breathing?" Jay asked, awed.

"Atmospheric shields," Manuel said, as if it were obvious, "Nothing special, this is the 45th century after all."

"Of course," Jay murmured, "Silly me."

"It's beautiful," Aliya breathed, her eyes alight with wonder, "You know, I never thought I'd be one to criticise the TARDIS, and I'm not really, but this is just...wow."

"For once, I'm going to agree," the Doctor said from beside her. They shared a smile.

"I'm sorry to cut this experience short for you, but we really must keep on, before this stowaway gets any ideas about hurting any other members of my crew," Manuel told them, and they hurried on across the deck.

"Captain! Who's that with you?" A voice called out, and they looked to where a boy was standing at the wheel of the ship.

"You have a _child_ steering you through a deadly asteroid field?!" Aliya exclaimed with disbelief.

Manuel raised an eyebrow. "He's a prodigy, and we're on low speed. I take the wheel for the difficult bits, obviously."

"The difficult bits," she muttered, "As if this asteroid field doesn't kill hundreds of idiotic space sailors like you every year."

"Your concern is touching, Ayla, but I know what I'm doing."

"It's Aliya, and I'll believe that when I see it."

Manuel ignored her and instead turned his attention to the boy at the wheel. "We have some guests, Miko!" He called, cupping his hands around his mouth. "I'll explain later, but you haven't seen anyone else strange running around, have you?"

"No, sir!"

"Very well, keep up the good work then! Where's your mother?"

"Our cabin, sir!"

"Thank you!"

They went through the door at the end of the deck and into another part of the ship, where an open door looked into a much more modern room that resembled the infirmary on the TARDIS.

"Anton," Manuel said, striding inside, "Anton?"

A stocky ginger man emerged from a walk-in cupboard, tightening his ponytail and straightening up upon seeing his superior. "Yes, Captain?"

"Oren is dead," Manuel told him gravely, "Poisoned, by a bottle intended for me. If you could bring him in here, make him more suitable for a funeral once his murderer is found."

Anton stared, stricken. "I - yes, Captain. I'm so sorry, sir. He was a good friend to us all."

"And we will avenge him. His suspected murderer is a dark skinned stowaway - keep your eyes out."

"Yes sir."

With that, Manuel stepped back out into the corridor, and continued on around the corner only to collide with a teenage girl with a green pixie cut. "Jade, do try and watch your speed around corners," he said to her gently, putting his hands on her shoulders, "One of these days you'll do yourself an injury."

"Yes, sir," she said, looking at the ground embarrassedly.

"But, as it happens, I need to talk to you about something. Come, walk with me, we must find Gav and Kit, I'd rather tell you all together."

"Tell me what?" She asked with a frown, before her grey eyes fixed on the people behind him. "Who are _they_?"

"That's not important right now," he said, putting his hand on her back and pushing her ahead of him down the corridor. After searching several cabins, they came into one where a middle aged man of Japanese descent was playing holocards with an auburn haired woman of a similar age.

"Captain," they echoed together, like the others straightening their posture upon seeing him.

"Gav, Kit, I'm afraid I have grave news," Manuel told them, "Ignore the strangers behind me for the moment. Something awful has happened. Oren is dead."

"What?!" Jade and Gav had spoken at the same time, and the girl looked like she was going to be sick. Kit was simply pale.

"He drank from poisoned rum that was intended for me, so whoever was behind it was trying to kill me."

"But who do you think could have done this?" Jade asked, her eyebrows knitting together in concern.

"Farra has spotted a stowaway in the last hour or so, they're the only conceivable suspect," Manuel said, and the others all nodded, seeming quite relieved. "I ask your help in searching the ship."

"Of course, Captain," Kit said, jumping up and leaving right away, passing the TARDIS crew and giving them sceptical looks before continuing on her way down the corridor. Jade and Gav hurried to follow her lead.

"We'll cover more ground if we split up," Jenny suggested to the ship captain once they were gone.

"You're not wrong, but as I'm still not entirely sure I can trust you all, I'd rather keep you at my side," he said to her, smiling widely despite his words. "This way."

As they walked, the Doctor, Manuel and Aliya talked enthusiastically about spaceships, using terms that Jay wouldn't even know how to spell, let alone comprehend. Still, they all seemed so excited by the conversation that he couldn't be annoyed about it, and instead let the technobabble wash over him like white noise.

When the conversation became less about spaceships, however he tuned back in just in time to see the Doctor blushing again at something flirtatious Captain Manuel had said.

"Well, er," he stammered in reply.

"Do you often lose your many words this quickly?" The pirate asked him, grinning.

"Yes, he does," Aliya said, chuckling.

"I do not!"

Manuel only became more delighted, and was about to reply when his head moved quickly to a stack of containers ahead of them. He held up a hand for silence and cocked his head to the side slightly. Very slowly, and with a soundless tread that was nothing short of incredible, he made his way to the stack. Then his hand darted down, grabbed something, and a squeak could be heard.

He yanked a young man with dark skin up by the back of his shirt collar and slammed him into the wood panel wall.

"Give me one reason why I shouldn't shoot you here and now," he seethed.

The stowaway's brown eyes were wide. "I'm so sorry, man! I was desperate! I didn't have any other way to get to Port Lyanna, and I had to, it's my only shot to make anything of myself, and I had no money! I'll do anything, I'll pay you for the ride in labour, I'll clean every inch of the ship with my bare hands, I'll cook for the whole crew, I'll do anything, just please don't kill me!"

"If you think _babbling_ about physical labour is going to save you when you _murdered_ my best friend-"

"By the way, my name's Trey, what about you? Bet you got a real nice name, fancy pirate captain like you, assuming you are the captain that is-" Trey cut his rambling short as his eyes widened even further. "Wait, what's this about _murder?"_

"You know very well what I mean!" Captain Manuel shouted. "You tried to kill me, and in doing so, killed my second mate!"

The younger man just stared at him with utter confusion. "Man, what're you talking about? Now you're not even making sense! How could I have tried to kill you and ended up killing your friend instead when I've never seen you before in my life!"

"Poison," Manuel said more quietly, leaning in closer, "You poisoned a bottle of my rum, only Oren drank from it first, and now he's dead and I'm out for vengeance."

"Oh," Trey said, swallowing, "Well, I guess that would fit - _but I didn't do it, I swear!_ "

Manuel regarded him for several moments, jaw clenched, and then let go of him and stepped back, his gaze even. "I believe you."

"Cause seriously - wait what?"

The captain shrugged, the cold fury gone from his eyes and replaced by what looked to be amusement. "I said I believe you. There is no malice in you, no deception in your babbling. You're an open book."

"Yeah," Trey said, letting out a long breath and righting his pale shirt, "Yeah, that's me, open book all over."

"But that means we have a problem," Jenny said.

"I know," Manuel replied, letting out a heavy sigh and massaging his temple with two fingers. "Because if our stowaway here didn't do it, and you didn't do it, then it means one of my crew did."

The Doctor put a hand on his shoulder. "I'm sorry, Captain. I know that's not an easy thing for you to come to terms with."

"I haven't even begun," he said tightly, "But I can't ignore the evidence of my own gut, even if it goes against my heart."

"I'm sorry too," Trey added, before recoiling slightly when they all lifted their eyebrows at him, "Just, I dunno, it all sounds pretty rough. Like I said before, whatever I can do to help. Sir."

Despite the pain in his eyes, Manuel's lips quirked. "Well, now that you mention it...how do you feel about being a fake prisoner?"

"Uh, sure," Trey said slowly, "Anything you need."

The Doctor glanced at Manuel. "You're thinking you'll keep Trey under guard, have the crew think you've caught the murderer, so as to get the real one to let their guard down."

"You catch on fast, Doctor." Manuel reached out his hand to Trey to help him climb over the barrels. The younger man took it hesitantly. "Now, all of us, back to my office. We've got a lot of plotting to do. Oh, and Trey, I'll need you to put these on. I prefer to use them under more enjoyable circumstances, but they do sometimes require their original intention and this is one of those times."

Trey's cheeks darkened as the binders were put around his wrists, and Manuel just winked at him.

"He might _actually_ be worse than River," Aliya murmured to the Doctor as they all began to walk, and the man in the bowtie snorted.

"I'm not so sure about that. We should definitely be thankful he's a long way from Jack, though."

"Who's this Jack you're speaking of?" Manuel asked, lifting his eyebrows. "Can I assume that he is a handsome devil?"

"Yes," Aliya said at the exact moment that the Doctor said, "No." He glared at her but she simply crossed her arms and stared him down until he let out a sigh of very reluctant defeat.

"Alright, yes, but that's not the point," he said emphatically, waggling his finger in Manuel's direction.

The pirate captain just laughed.

* * *

 **For the record, Manuel is inspired by Oscar Isaac/Poe Dameron and Trey is inspired by John Boyega/Finn. The idea of Oscar Isaac as a fabulous gay space pirate was too appealing, so random AU Stormpilot kind of became a thing. Oops.**

 **Thanks for reading, let me know what you thought!**

 **-MayFairy :)**

Guest Review Replies:

WonderfulWhovian - _Thank you very much! I'm glad you liked the chapter. Classic Who is definitely worth the watch but it's much better/easier to just watch specific serials than doing it all the way through. The missing episodes and varying quality can make it tricky that way. The Aztecs and The Romans are two fantastic examples of the early historical storylines though, two favourites of mine!_ _Hope this chapter is to your liking and was worth the wait!_


	8. Murder In The Stars: Playing Nice

They only passed Gav on the way to the captain's office, and he sent a glare at Trey, who swallowed and cast his eyes to the ground. Once inside the safety of the extremely well decorated wooden walls, they were all able to relax a little.

"Trey, I'm going to cuff you to this couch, if that's alright," Manuel said to the stowaway, who just nodded.

"Can I nap on it?" He asked. "I've been so busy trying not to get found, sleeping's been tricky."

That made the captain laugh, even though there was a hint of something that might have been guilt in his eyes at Trey's having to deprive himself of sleep. "Absolutely. Rest up, I may have need of you later."

"You're the best," Trey said, with a sigh of relief, and was happy to stretch out on the luxurious lounge seat once he'd been cuffed to it. He was out in a manner of seconds.

"Wow," Aliya said, impressed, "He really was tired."

"Indeed," Manuel said, frowning with that look still in his eyes, before brushing it off. He looked around at them all and clasped his hands together. "Now, to work. How can we determine who wants me dead?"

"I'd say we work out who could have had the poison," Jenny suggested. "Who would have had access to it?"

"I don't know," Manuel told her, moving to sit at his desk, "We stop at a lot of ports. Any of them, theoretically."

"Is there anyone we can definitely rule out?" Aliya asked.

He sighed and rested his chin in his hand, pursing his lips. He looked understandably troubled. "I was sure before, and I was wrong. Now, only Farra I'm absolutely certain of."

"But that still leaves quite a few of them, how do we narrow it down?" Jay asked the Doctor.

"We're going to have to talk to them, carefully, and hope someone lets something slip," the man in the bowtie said, "Whoever it is will think they're safe because we'll tell them that we've got the one who did it, if Gav hasn't already."

"Careful _and_ clever," Manuel said appreciatively, "I'm lucky to have you here, Doctor."

"I'm sure you would have been able to manage without us," the Doctor told him, smiling.

"Quite possibly, but I much prefer doing so with attractive company," the pirate captain said, winking at him and making him go pink again. "And you know, I'd forgotten just how attractive intelligence can be in a man."

"Oh," the Time Lord said, swallowing hard, "Well - I - um - thanks?"

"You're very welcome," Manuel replied, a wide smile on his lips as his eyes unabashedly looked over him from head to toe with deeper appreciation. "And bear in mind that after this is all over, I'd be more than happy to express my gratitude in any way you like, Doctor." Jay couldn't help but gape a bit at how forward he was being, and the way the Doctor's eyes widened was fairly comical.

"Help him," Jenny whispered to Aliya, but the other blonde just shook her head, hand covering her incredibly wide grin.

"Are you kidding? This is fucking amazing. I'm going to give him shit about this for weeks."

"You're the worst friend ever."

"Gladly."

"The offer extends to you as well, Jay," Manuel said, grinning at him, making him blink and take a second to work out how to respond.

"Um, thanks, captain, sir," Jay said politely, "But I only like girls."

Manuel looked mildly disappointed. "A shame." His gaze moved back to the Doctor, who just had managed to get his blushing under control. "And you, Doctor? Don't tell me you're the same and dash my hopes entirely."

"Er, well, it's all a bit complicated, actually," the Doctor all but squeaked. "I mean-"

"He had a wife, but she died," Jenny said, not seeing her father's frown at her mentioning it.

Manuel became serious, deep empathy replacing the flirtation in his eyes. "I'm very sorry to hear that, Doctor. I myself lost my own love, Danti, not quite a year ago. He was killed before my eyes."

"I'm sorry," the Doctor said quietly. "It's horrible, isn't it?"

The other man inclined his head. "I had Oren to get me through it. Sometimes all it takes is the right friend to help you out of the darkness."

The Doctor nodded, his shoulder nudging Aliya's as he gave her a funny little smile, which she returned. "Yeah, I've found that too."

That was when Farra barged into the cabin, having heard that they had caught the stowaway and wanting to know what was to be done with him. Manuel explained to her what had truly happened and what their plan was going forward. She was as troubled by the fact that the murderer was a member of the crew as Manuel had been, but apparently willing to trust him that it was true.

"If subtle interrogation is your plan, at least you picked the right night for it," she said, sighing, "And having these guests of yours asking questions will seem innocent enough, so that could work in our favour."

Manuel grinned and patted her shoulder. "Exactly."

As they all headed above deck, Manuel explained that this was the night of the week where everyone properly kicked back and had fun, usually in the form of drinking and dancing on the main deck. Upon learning this, Jay made a brief trip back to the TARDIS to fetch his guitar, to add to Jade's playing of what appeared to be an advanced combination of a harmonica and an accordion. It worked very well with his guitar, and he gave Jade a huge grin the moment that became apparent, a grin she quickly returned. It was also a blessing because it meant he was able to get out of dancing and could watch the others instead - coordination of anything but his hands was not something he had been blessed with.

Jenny was dancing with an enthusiastic Gav, and was then asked by a very polite Miko. The generated anomaly looked charmed by the young boy's request and happily took to dancing with him despite the height difference.

Quite frankly, Jay had expected the Doctor's dancing to be a bumbling mess, but the older man was surprisingly good - unless that had more to do with Aliya's leading, which seemed more likely. All the same, they made for complimentary dance partners, all grins and loud laughter amongst their near perfectly in time steps.

"Jay, would you indulge me in a dance?" Jay looked away from the dance floor to see Manuel standing next to him, smiling in that disarming way of his.

"Oh, um, well I'm playing-"

"Nonsense, Jade has managed perfectly on her own before today," Manuel said, "And we have things to discuss, you and I."

"We do?" He asked, before seeing the slightly pointed in the captain's eye. "Oh, right, yeah." He put down the guitar and stood up, letting himself be led by hand to where the others were dancing. "Um, as a warning, I'm not much good at this."

That made Manuel laugh. "Not to worry. What's important is that we talk." Thankfully, the current dance was repetitive and not too difficult despite its jolly nature and speed. It did require them to be quite close though, which made it easier for Manuel to lower his voice so that they couldn't be overheard. "I've been thinking about it, and Anton imports a whole lot of substances for the infirmary. I don't check it. He could have brought in the poison easily. He has the right contacts."

His voice was measured, not remotely excited or happy about his helpful idea. It wasn't as though he was going to be enjoying suspecting each of his friends of murder.

"It's a good idea, we'll look into it I guess," Jay replied, like he knew anything about how to proceed in situations like their current ones. "Shouldn't you be telling this to the Doctor, though?"

"Am I not allowed to wish to speak with you too?" Manuel asked, grinning at him, the flirt back in his manner.

Jay laughed. "Well, I guess if you put it like that."

The flirting continued until the end of the dance, and although Jay would have preferred such attention from a pretty girl, it was flattering and amusing all the same.

They ended the dance near the Doctor and Aliya, and as Jade struck up the next song Manuel wasted no time in grabbing the Doctor and whisking him off. Jay lifted an eyebrow at an out of breath but grinning Aliya. She offered him her hand and they set off. As he had suspected, she was the one with coordinated feet.

"And, the captain has wasted no time in turning him scarlet again," Aliya noted, her eyes on Manuel and the Doctor, another chuckle escaping her.

"Are you sure he's okay?" Jay asked, watching as Manuel's hands travelled to a few places that were borderline inappropriate. "He looks pretty uncomfortable."

Aliya shook her head, eyes warm. "No, he's just awkward. Trust me, I can tell the difference. Your concern is sweet, though."

"You definitely sure?"

She laughed. "He got like that around River as well. I'll intervene if Manuel actually crosses a line, of course, but despite how it looks the Doctor is more than capable of handling himself most of the time."

Jay decided he'd be stupid not to take her word for it. "Well, I guess you'd know better than me." He twirled her, which was a bit tricky since she was slightly taller than him, but they managed it in the end. "You've known him a long time, then?"

Aliya nodded, smiling. "I couldn't ask for a better best friend."

"So what about your family? Have they met him? Do they know the sort of stuff you get up to?"

"Um, their paths crossed a few times, yes," she said slowly, and then laughed, "But no, my parents would kill me if they knew about the shit I've been getting involved in." She made a face. "Literally, in the hopes I'd become someone with better preferences in companions."

Jay had no idea what she meant by that, but just nodded. "Oh, okay. So where do they think you are?"

Aliya pursed her lips. "Uh, to clarify, they're dead. I was trying to tiptoe around it, but yeah. So they don't think anything."

"Oh," Jay said, feeling stupid, "I'm sorry."

"Don't be, since I've never been able to work out if I am," she replied offhandedly. "What about you?"

"Well, my mum moved back to Seoul for work a few years back, and my sister lives in San Francisco." He frowned and again considered that he should probably get in contact with them about his travelling in case something happened to him.

"Are you and your sister close?" Aliya asked with interest.

"We're identical twins, so yeah," Jay replied, smiling.

She tilted her head at him. "Okay, I'm _so_ far from an expert on human biology, but don't identical twins have the same sex?"

He licked his lips nervously. "Yeah, but Evy's transgender."

Her reaction was different from the ones he generally got on Earth. Instead of looking confused or uncomfortable, and giving him a tight smile or troubled frown, her eyes lit up.

"Oh, of course! I'm an idiot for not thinking of that," she said with a self-deprecating grin, "Sorry, like I say, things with my species are different enough that I'm really a beginner with such things."

"It's fine," he replied, letting out a tiny sigh of relief and wanting to explain that her response was a breath of fresh air to him, but not knowing how. He just settled for smiling back at her.

He didn't get a chance to ask her how her species was so different to his, or in fact what species she actually was since he realised he didn't know, before she passed him along to Jenny and opted to go sit with the boy, Miko.

"Having fun?" Jenny asked Jay, grinning at him. He found himself grinning back automatically.

"Yeah, I guess I am. Space pirate ship with a murder mystery - you guys do keep managing to surprise me."

"Well, we try."

Jay was quite delighted to realise that Jenny was an utterly rubbish dancer. It was hilarious and getting the chance to tease her for her missteps completely made up for the number of times she stepped on his toes.

Finally, the party of sorts died down and the various members of the crew headed off to bed. The TARDIS team withdrew back to Manuel's office, where Trey had just woken up.

"So what did you guys find out?"

"We might have a lead, but it needs to be investigated further," Manuel told him. "Are you feeling better?"

"Heaps, thanks."

With perfect timing, that was when Jay let out a rather spectacular yawn, much to the visible amusement of everyone else around him.

"I think it's time for _you_ to sleep," Aliya said to him.

Manuel nodded. "Agreed." When Jay just shrugged, figuring arguing would get him nowhere, the pirate captain looked to Trey. "You won't be opposed to being cuffed elsewhere?"

Trey shook his head, and so was cuffed to Aliya after a short deliberation.

"You all good?" She asked him as they eyed their now joined wrists.

He grinned at her. "Being cuffed to a pretty girl? Not the worst way this could have turned out."

Aliya snorted, at the same time the Doctor rolled his eyes. "Flattery will get you nowhere, and I'm as much as a girl as a butterfly is a caterpillar," she said to Trey, before smiling at him, "But I appreciate the sentiment all the same."

"I'm sorry, and you think _I'm_ pretentious?" The Doctor asked her, eyebrows up.

She smirked at him and shrugged. "Just because you're worse, doesn't mean modesty is still in any way my forte."

"Good, it doesn't suit you anyway."

"You know what suits both of you?" Jenny asked pleasantly. "Shutting up so Jay can sleep."

"Thanks Jenny," Jay mumbled as he turned over on the couch. Despite the quiet murmurs of the conversation around him, sleep claimed him easily.

* * *

By the time Jay woke, he saw that the office only held Trey and Aliya other than himself. They were sharing a plate of food - or rather, Trey was happily digging into the meat while Aliya delicately ate a few of the grapes.

"Where are the others?" Jay asked as he stretched.

"Oh! You're up! They decided to see if Manuel's suspicion about Anton had any weight," Aliya said. "The Doctor and the captain are ensuring that Anton is occupied while Jenny sneaks into the infirmary to see if there's any Relnax poison in there."

"Oh, okay, I've been missing some of the action, then," he said, sitting up.

She shook her head and grinned. "You've missed out on more grapes than action, trust me. But we can rectify that if you like."

Jay grinned back and moved to sit with them so that he could help her finish the fruit. Trey didn't take long to wolf down the rest of the food and then lean back contently.

Jay was about to ask Trey a bit more about himself when the other three returned.

"What did you find?" Aliya asked earnestly.

"Relnax poison," Jenny said grimly, "In a likely deliberately mislabelled box behind some others on one of the main shelves. Hidden, but cleverly."

Jay looked to Manuel, who was silent as he sat down on the couch and rested his arm on the edge so that he hold his chin in his palm.

"So, it's definitely Anton, then?"

The pirate captain sighed. "No one else knows the contents of the infirmary, so It would seem so. I've known him for years. I have no idea what I've done to warrant his hatred on this level." The pain of the betrayal was obvious, but he was doing a very good job of putting on a brave face.

"So now what?"

Manuel's mouth set into a hard line. "He's been lying to me for who knows how long. He killed my best friend in an attempt to kill me. We confront him, now."

"We? It seems a bit...personal, shouldn't it maybe be something you do without us?" Jenny asked.

He gave her a small smile. "That's thoughtful of you, Jenny, but frankly I think I could use the support. In all respects."

"Then you've got it," the Doctor said firmly, and the others chorused their agreement, including Trey (who was thanked but told that his coming with them would only complicate things, and he was cuffed back to the couch). Once that was settled, they headed for the door.

Out in the corridor they passed Miko, who was quick to step out of their way.

"What's happening, Captain?" He asked.

"Could you send out a quick wave through the intercom to everyone but Anton for them to stay in their rooms until I say?" Manuel requested. "As quickly as you can."

Miko nodded and pulled out a handheld device from his pocket. "So...it's Anton? Is that why you've got that look on your face, sir?"

"I'm afraid so. The message is out?"

The boy nodded again, and he thanked him before indicating for the group to continue on. They came up onto the main deck, where as luck would have it, Anton was sitting smoking some kind of cigarette that was emitting purple smoke.

The moment he laid eyes on him, Manuel had a dark look flicker over his face.

"Why do you hate me, Anton?" He called as he approached him, the others some way behind. "What could I have possibly done to have you want me dead?"

"What?" Anton asked, staring at him. "I - wait, you think _I_ poisoned the bottle? Manuel, are you mad? Didn't that stowaway do it?"

"No, he didn't," Manuel said, "And it was Relnax poison."

The ginger medic's face drained of colour. "I - it wasn't me, I swear."

"Then who else could it have been?" The captain demanded furiously. "Who else knew about it, who did you tell?"

"And why the hell did you have Relnax poison in the first place, if not to poison the captain?" Jenny asked.

Anton gulped. "I've been using my spare time to try and develop an antidote. If I could pull it off, the paycheck would be...generous. But no one knew, I never told anyone because I knew you'd disapprove of even having it on board since it's an illegal substance! I've been careful, I never told-"

He trailed off, a look of horror crossing his face.

"No, wait, I-"

His words became a gargle as a dart shot straight through his throat. Blood poured from the wound and he dropped to the deck, the scarlet pool spreading at an alarming rate.

"No!"

He was dead before Manuel reached him. Behind where he had been standing, a black dart was now buried in the wood of the ship.

Jay and the others whirled around and saw a shadow on the higher level of the opposite deck, but it was there for only a moment before it disappeared. Revulsion and horror filled Jay's gut as he realised that now for the second time someone innocent had been brutally murdered right in front of him.

Out of the corner of his vision, he saw the Doctor holding Aliya's hair as she bent over, retching but with nothing coming up. When she finally came upright she buried her face in his chest and he put an arm around her. Jenny, next to them, was silent, her expression stony.

Jay looked at Manuel, who was just staring at Anton's body with devastation. He wished he could think of something to say that could make it better.

But there were no words. Anton was dead, and innocent. And the real killer had just increased their body count.

* * *

 **This story now has a companion piece! _Unobserved_ is a collection of outtakes for this story, to capture all the scenes that can't been shown in here due to Jay not being present. Probably not necessarily going to be of interest/as easy to follow for those reading this as a stand alone, but general HOOTD readers should enjoy it, and possibly stand alone readers too. (It's mostly just shameless fluff, to be honest.) Go check it out!**

 **Thanks for reading, and let me know what you thought!**

 **-MayFairy :)**

Guest Review Replies:

WonderfulWhovian - _I'm glad you love Manuel! He's quite dear to me despite only being in three chapters of this story. And yes, he makes the Doctor react in wonderfully hilarious ways. Ah, the Five Doctors is such a fun time! The old Cybermen are funny but also great, they just take a while to get used to. Thanks for the review, hope you liked this chapter!_


	9. Murder In The Stars: Revenge

"Wait, Manuel, if the person that did this wants you dead, why didn't they just shoot you now? Right after they got Anton?"

Manuel frowned, and lifted his head to look at the dart that was buried in the wood a few metres away. He got up and went over to it, pulling it free so that he could examine it more closely.

"I recognise the style," he said eventually, "Regardless of the make of the weapon, they take anywhere between ten and thirty seconds to reload. They didn't have time to get me as well if they wanted to remain secret, which is more important than just having me be dead."

"So now what?" Jay asked.

"Now I need help taking the body to the infirmary."

It took all five of them - one at each limb and one at the shoulders and head - but eventually they managed and were able to lock the infirmary door behind them as they left and headed back to Manuel's office.

Trey took one look at the blood on Manuel, Jenny and Aliya (who had been the arms and shoulders, and hence the nearest to the fatal wound) and jumped up from the couch only to wince when the cuff barely allowed it.

"What the hell happened?"

"It wasn't Anton," the Doctor said, sighing heavily, "But he had told someone about the poison, he knew who it was and was about to tell us when...whoever it was, silenced him."

"Who would have the dart gun though?" Jenny asked Manuel. "What weapons do the crew carry?"

"We all have small blasters, with the exception of Miko. He has a taser stick - no good reason for a boy his age to be shooting anyone when his mother can do it for him," the captain replied. "No one has a dart gun like the one just used - or so I thought."

"I'm glad you're all okay," Trey said, with a genuine smile of relief that soon changed into a small frown as he looked at Manuel, "Except that means you just lost another one of your friends. I'm sorry, man."

Manuel looked at him with a kind of surprise, his eyes softening a fraction. "Thank you, Trey." He was quick to uncuff him from the couch, securing the stowaway to his own wrist this time around as he continued to speak. "But I don't have time to grieve. This just became a lot more urgent."

"The real killer can't kill much more of your crew without exposing themselves, so try not to worry too much," Aliya told him, and when he gave her a sceptical look, she made a face. "I know it's impossible but...that kind of logic helps me sometimes."

"You mean well," Manuel replied, moving to sit down at his desk and steepling his fingers while Trey followed and stood behind him. "Now, the problem at hand."

"We're down to Kit, Gav, Jade, and Miko," Jenny said with that militant efficiency of hers.

Manuel's voice was quiet when he added, "And Farra."

"...are you sure?" The Doctor asked the captain after a lengthy silence followed the incredibly reluctant admission.

"I'm not sure of anything, that's the whole problem," Manuel replied, but he choked on his own words and let his head drop into his hands as a single sob rocked his frame. "I'm losing my family all over again-"

"Hey, it's going to be okay," Jenny said quickly. She dropped to her knees in front of the desk so she could rest her chin on it and try to catch his eyes. "We're going to find whoever did this."

Jay wanted to say something too, but he couldn't say anything like what Jenny just had, because it just seemed like a false promise - even if the person was found, things weren't okay because people were already dead. A glance in the direction of the Doctor and Aliya indicated that they were reluctantly swallowing reassurances of their own.

"I lost Danti and my world fell apart but I had my family, I had Oren, I got through," Manuel said hopelessly, "But now I've lost him too, and what if it's Farra? I don't think I - I couldn't - she's more my mother than the woman who gave birth to me, I don't know what I'll do if-" He couldn't finish his sentence and just shook his head, a few tears rolling down his cheeks. "Even if it's not her, the others are still my family…"

Trey put his free hand on Manuel's shoulder. "You're going to find who did this, and you'll still have the rest of your family. We're going to make sure of that."

The captain gave him and all the others a grateful look as he wiped at his eyes. "Thank you. All of you. So let's work this out."

The intensive discussion began. The first productive thing they accomplished was to rule out Miko, on the premise that they didn't want to consider a child capable of murder and that it didn't seem likely he would have any independent reason from Kit to want Manuel dead.

Problem was, they couldn't find any reason for _any_ of the the crew to want Manuel dead.

"I'm not any kind of saint," he told them, "But I don't kill unless absolutely necessary, and I never steal from anyone who can't afford it. We take legitimate cargo jobs as well sometimes. I consider myself a good man."

"You seem like one to me," Aliya said with a reassuring smile, and the others seconded the sentiment.

"That means the motive is more personal," the Doctor guessed, "Who would you say likes you the least, out of the crew? Who disagrees with you the most?"

Manuel thought it over. "I - well, Kit, I suppose. She doesn't always approve of my influence over Miko. The reckless streak and all that. Plus I've killed in front of the boy before, even if it was something I also really wish I could have avoided."

"A mother would kill to protect her child, it's plausible enough," the Doctor said.

"But just to protect from a bad influence?" Aliya looked sceptical.

"Is that so hard to believe?"

She threw her hands up in defence. "Hey, don't look at me, I never got to raise any of my kids, did I? I wouldn't know," she said darkly, making him and Jenny both wince.

"Ah. Fair point. Sorry."

"Yeah," she muttered, sighing.

Jay filed that potentially troubling information away as something to worry about later. "Anyway," he said, looking back to Manuel, "You know Kit best. What do you think?"

Manuel gave him a sad smile. "I honestly don't know what to think about any of this anymore."

That was when Farra came in, looking grim but determined. She strode right past the others to slam a small bottle down on Manuel's desk. Inside was a purple liquid, and Jay had a fair idea of what it had to be.

"Where did you find it?" Manuel asked after a few moments of staring at it, swallowing hard.

"Under Kit's mattress."

There was a brief silence before the captain broke it. "That settles it, then," he said, but he didn't sound nearly as sure as his words.

"Manuel, I hate to say this, but we only have her word that that was where she found it," Aliya said slowly, only to have the grey haired woman turn around and glare at her.

"How _dare_ you?" She seethed. Jay was impressed that Aliya didn't so much as flinch - Farra wasn't half scary when angry. "Who the hell are you, anyway? Any of you? How do you have the nerve to come in here and accuse me when you've known Man all of half a day at most? Why are _you_ the ones helping him with this?"

"Because we like him, and have alibis," Jenny told her.

"Farra," Manuel said, his voice quiet and pleading, making his first mate turn back to him, "Please just look me in the eye, and tell me this wasn't you."

Farra stared at him, hurt swimming in her brown eyes. "I loved you and Oren like sons, like you were my own blood. I would have died for either one of you in a heartbeat. I could _never_ hurt you, Manuel. I'd sooner carve my own heart out of my chest."

Manuel's eyes watered and he got up from the desk to pull her into a tight embrace. (Trey awkwardly had to come along and stand nearby due to the cuffs, but had the courtesy to do so silently.)

"I know, I know," the captain whispered into his mother-figure's ear. "I'm so sorry."

Jay felt the need to look away. The moment was too private to be being observed by five near strangers. He looked to Aliya instead, who was smiling slightly. If she had ever really suspected Farra, it was obvious that she no longer did.

"I believe her," Manuel eventually said, as he and Farra finally relinquished each other.

"So do I," Aliya told him, and the others nodded, "So does that mean we're going to Kit? We think she did it?"

"She's the only one who even remotely has a reason, and the evidence is against her," he agreed, "So yes. And there's no need for this pretense anymore, Trey." He unlocked the handcuffs that were keeping him and the dark skinned stowaway together. "I'm sorry it's taken this long for you to have such a basic freedom."

Trey just grinned at him as he flexed his free wrist. "It's alright, handcuffing me to good looking people is far from the worst thing you could have done to me. Some people _pay_ for that to happen to them."

Manuel laughed, while Jay snorted and Farra just muttered something that sounded like 'goddess help me'. The Doctor whispered something in Aliya's ear that made her grin.

"Well, at least you never paid River, as far as I know," she said, and he turned bright pink at the same time his daughter groaned.

"I never needed to know that!" Jenny exclaimed. "Wait, how do _you_ \- oh my god, do you two have conversations about his sex life with his dead wife? Do you know how _weird_ that is?!"

Aliya, meanwhile, had clapped her hands over her mouth and looked utterly horrified. "I - I really didn't mean to say that out loud. I mean, that saying about glass houses and rock throwing and all that -"

"Aliya, _stop_ , before I gag you-"

"Do you even realise what you just said?" Jay asked the Doctor, laughing helplessly at the stricken look that took up on the other man's face.

" _Oh my god all of you stop before you traumatise me for life_!" Jenny shouted at them, resulting in a very awkward silence where Jay could only marvel at what had just accidentally unfolded. Aliya and the Doctor both looked ready for the ground to swallow them whole. The former had her hand pressed even harder over her mouth than before to prevent anything else escaping it.

Farra, Manuel and Trey were eyeing them with varying degrees of bemusement and amusement.

"While this is immensely entertaining, it is unfortunately very ill-timed since we have the small matter of a murderer on board," Manuel told them, eyebrows up. "Which if you don't mind, I'd rather prioritise."

"Yes," the Doctor said quickly, "That. That very important thing which isn't remotely related to things that should never be discussed in front of children."

"I'm not a child!" Jenny protested.

"You're under a century old, of course you are," he replied, "Anyway, we were all going to go and confront Kit, weren't we? Let's get on with that."

"Do us all a favour and keep quiet, will you?" Farra growled as they all headed for the door. "There's no place for your fucking bondage kinks in this conversation, and I hate to think what else you might end up going on about if we let you say anything."

"I - I don't _talk_ about this sort of thing, it just-" The Doctor just sighed. "You know what, you're right, you and Manuel need to be doing the talking anyway."

This time when they left the office Trey was finally allowed to come with them, and they found all remaining crew members sitting together on the main deck.

"Is that the stowaway?" Jade asked with alarm. "What's he doing free?"

"He's free because he's innocent. We know it was you, Kit," Manuel said to Kit as he approached them, "We haven't found the dart gun yet but I have little doubt that it'll be stashed away somewhere neatly with your fingerprints on it."

"Dart gun?" Kit stared at him. "What are you talking about, Captain?"

"The gun you used to kill Anton," Farra told her.

"Anton's dead?!" Kit yelped, and everyone around her bore expressions of similar alarm. Then shock and horror crossed over Kit's face. She whipped around to look at Jade. "Oh my god, so it was you. All of this, Oren and now Anton."

"Me?" Jade asked indignantly. "Are you insane? I had a huge crush on Oren, I daydreamed about marrying him, how _dare_ you accuse me of killing him-"

"Only, Oren wasn't the target, so that argument doesn't really hold up," the Doctor pointed out. "But why are you so quick to accuse her, Kit?"

"She's the only one left it could be," Kit said simply.

The teenager shook her head and turned to Manuel, her grey eyes wide and pleading. "Manuel, you can't seriously think I could kill anyone, I don't even like having to hit or stun people-"

Manuel put a hand on her shoulder. "Don't worry, Jade, you have no motive. Kit, however, does, along with incriminating evidence against her."

"What incriminating evidence?" Kit demanded.

"The poison I found in your cabin," Farra said, eyebrow arched, "And the fact that you're the best shot on this ship, easily capable of making the shot that took Anton out. And we all know you've clashed with Manuel on a regular basis over what he exposes Miko to-"

"Mum wouldn't hurt anyone!" Miko shouted. "If there was poison in our cabin someone else put it there!"

"I know you have your problems with me, Kit," Manuel said sadly, "But I didn't think they were that bad-"

"They're not!"

"When was the rum poisoned?" Gav asked, breaking a concerned, thoughtful silence on his part. "If we can be sure of that, it seems likely we can create a timeline, and therefore alibis to work out who really did it, or could have."

"I drank from the rum the night before in my cabin," Manuel recalled after a moment's hesitation, "And brought it back to my office yesterday morning to put it with my other alcohol. I did some paperwork and looked over some maps for potential new destinations, and then I went back to my cabin to do some reading and didn't leave for several hours."

"What time is that window then, exactly?"

"From midday to roughly three hours after," Manuel said, with a fair amount of certainty.

Satisfaction glinted in Gav's eye. "Ah. Then Kit is definitely innocent, because I can attest that she was in her cabin that whole time."

"Doing what?" Farra asked.

He smirked. "Me." There was a brief silence, in which Aliya's hand went to her mouth and Jay had to cover up a snort at the looks of bewilderment on everyone's faces.

"They were definitely in there together," Miko said, "The door was locked and they told me to go away and their voices sounded all funny."

Manuel lifted an eyebrow. "That was three hours, though."

Gav just shrugged, and Jay knew Manuel's impressed look was being echoed on his own face. Almost everyone else looked uncomfortable or disgusted at the level of detail they were receiving about someone else's sex life.

Rather belatedly, the Doctor's eyes snapped back to attention as he worked out the final piece that everyone else had been distracted from. "Wait, but that means-"

He wasn't quick enough. Jade had already grabbed Manuel's laser pistol from his holster with one hand and Jay with the other, holding the weapon to his head.

"Okay, you got me," she said darkly, rid of any trace of the supposedly innocent teenager she had been pretending to be. "Anton told me about the poison when I caught him with it a few weeks back. I'd already brought the dart gun onboard, hoping to get a chance to take you out next time we ended up in a big fight and pretend you just got caught in the crossfire, but the poison was an even better way to ensure I didn't get caught. Except then Oren had to get greedy and ruin everything."

"But why, Jade?" Manuel asked, horrified. "What could I have done for you to hate me this much?"

Jade scowled. "You killed my brother."

"Your brother? Who was your-" The captain frowned, visibly searching his memories and her face for who that could be. " _Oh._ Of course, the timeline fits perfectly, and now that you're looking at me like that, I can see you have his eyes. You're from Christophen, aren't you? Not Colony 34."

"Obviously. You executed Josen in front of your whole crew and his."

"Because he killed my boyfriend!" Manuel shouted. "Your precious brother Josen was a bloodthirsty criminal who tried to take out my entire crew, my entire family. The man I loved died, painfully, by his hand. So yes, I killed your brother. But you have now killed mine, making it a family trait to take the people closest to me."

"He wasn't your brother!"

"He was in everything but blood. And unlike yours, he was innocent."

"I don't _care_ ," Jade spat, "I watched him die, crouched behind the crates he made me hide behind, and I vowed that I would avenge him. I dyed my hair-"

"Obviously, the Christophen orange would have been a giveaway-"

"I worked out a backstory and I joined your crew." Her face twisted into a sneer. "I played nice for months, laughing at every one of your stupid jokes and acting as though having to smile at you didn't make me want to be sick. But now I've got you."

"Actually, you've got me," Jay said, immediately regretting speaking when the gun pressed harder into his head.

"I didn't ask for your input," Jade snapped, "You couldn't be more irrelevant. You or your little friends. But if you keep quiet, I might even let you leave alive. I can't say the same for any of you others, though."

"You're a talented actress, Jade," Kit said bitterly, "After all this you could make a career on Galactic Broadway."

"I think I'll just enjoy my new ship, actually," Jade replied. "Now, all of you are going to lay down your weapons if you want this boy to live. Then the strangers are going to leave and the rest of you are going to die."

"If you think we're going to let you do this-" The Doctor tried to say, only for her to cut him off.

"It's either that or die, Doctor-"

Her sentence cut off abruptly as her entire body spasmed and then dropped to the floor. Jay jumped away from her and spun around to see Miko standing behind them, his taser stick still sparking.

A collective breath was released among the group. Farra immediately knelt to slap a pair of binders from her belt around Jade's wrists, and Kit praised her son for his quick thinking in sneaking behind Jade while she was ranting. He was quick to return to her side.

"Jay! Are you alright?" The Doctor strode up to him, his hands ghosting over his shoulders and face in a flurry of concern. From anyone else the gesture would have been a bit invasive and strange, but from him it was just rather nice.

"I'm fine, Doctor," Jay assured him.

"Okay, well, good," the Time Lord said, a bit embarrassedly, finally stepping back and releasing his gentle hold of Jay's face.

"You had us worried there for a second," Aliya agreed, demonstrating more control than her friend by settling for just patting him on the arm.

Jenny hugged him tightly. "You kept your calm pretty well, Jay. Not bad."

"Actually, I think it just hadn't really hit me what was happening," Jay said honestly, "Though now it is, a bit." He felt a bit ill at the thought of how easily he could have died then and there.

"We're all safe now," Manuel assured him from nearby, though the older man's eyes were still entirely fixed on Jade's unconscious form. "Farra, Gav, put her in the holding cell in the brig. I'll deal with her later. For now I have the matter of our stowaway and visitors to settle." He turned to the people in question. "If you can all follow me back to my office."

They did as requested, and Jay and Aliya settled on the couch while the others chose to stand, Manuel sitting on the front edge of the desk.

"I owe you all a great debt for helping me with this," he told them, "I hope my sincere gratitude is enough."

"It's all we could want," the Doctor said, smiling before a slightly more worried look settled on his face, "Though actually, I wouldn't mind knowing what you intend to do with Jade."

Manuel just sighed. "I know I wanted revenge, but something about being faced with it, and it being _Jade_ and because of something that I did...I can't hurt her. I'll hand her over to law enforcement at our next stop. Maybe that's the weak option, but it's the only one I think I can stomach."

"I think that's admirable, actually," Trey said, putting a hand on his shoulder and smiling at him.

Manuel smiled back, the tiredness in his eyes melting partially into warmth as his opposite hand came to rest on top of the stowaway's. "Thank you, Trey. That eases my mind a little."

"Anything I can do to help," Trey said sincerely.

"Yes, actually, about that…" Manuel's lips quirked upward in parallel with his eyebrows. "It would seem that I'm in need of a new second mate. I got the impression you're looking for a job."

Trey's eyes widened. "Wait, are you saying what I think you're saying?"

"Well, you seem like a decent sort, who better than you?"

A laugh escaped Trey's lips and he hugged Manuel in his bubbling excitement. "Thank you, man! Thank you so much! I won't disappoint you, I promise!"

Manuel laughed as well and seemed happy enough to hug him back briefly. "I'm sure you won't," he said as they pulled away, hands lingering on each other's upper arms and gazes lingering.

"This is the cutest thing I've seen in quite a while," Jay whispered to Aliya, who had to smother a grin.

The Doctor made a show of coughing awkwardly. "Well, we'll, er, leave you to it, I think."

"Thank you for everything, all of you," Manuel told him, taking a step away from Trey and folding his hands behind his back pointedly. "You won't stay and tell me all about your mysterious little ship?"

"I think you'd just get ship envy," Aliya said, before casting her eyes back to where the main deck was a few floors up, "Though actually, perhaps not."

"It's probably best we just get going," the Doctor agreed, "But it's been a pleasure. All the best, both of you."

"Goodbye, Doctor."

They headed out of the cabin and almost made it to the stairs to the main deck when the Doctor realised he was without his jacket. They went back, only to find Manuel and Trey in a lip lock against the former's desk.

"Oh!" The Doctor exclaimed, making them jump apart and both turn red - though Manuel had a very self-satisfied grin on his face. "I just, er, left my jacket." He hurried over to where it was draped over a chair and headed back to the door where his companions were avoiding eye contact with Manuel and Trey. "Sorry. Er, carry on. As you were."

He shut the door and they continued on their way again.

"Humans," Aliya muttered, shaking her head as they made for the stairs, "No self control. Honestly."

Jay couldn't be sure why he found the comment so funny. Perhaps because he tended to forget that he was actually travelling with aliens until one of them said something like that.

Jenny meanwhile had rolled her eyes at the remark and was now muttering something that sounded like 'four months' under her breath.

"I heard that," Aliya said, narrowing her eyes.

"Good," Jenny retorted.

Not for the first time, Jay knew he was missing something, but judging by the resigned look on the Doctor's face, he decided he was probably better off not knowing what they were talking about.

They made their way back to the TARDIS, bidding the other crew members goodbye as they passed them, and once inside the Doctor dematerialised the ship and let them know that they were going to just drift in space for a bit.

"Okay, Jay, let's find you a room," Jenny said.

Then she muttered something else in a language that Jay didn't understand, making the Doctor look up from where he'd been whispering something in Aliya's ear from behind her and making her grin. He blinked at Jenny innocently, and she grumbled under her breath.

"You're...infuriating," she said to him before grabbing Jay by the wrist and pulling him up the steps.

"Love you too, daughter dearest," the Doctor called after her, only eliciting another eye roll as she and Jay made their way through the corridor.

"I'm confused," he admitted to her.

Jenny just laughed, shaking her head with what could only be exasperated fondness for the two people they'd left behind in the console room. "To be honest, Jay, it's probably better that way."

"I thought that might be the case."

* * *

 **And so ends my first murder mystery! i'd really love your feedback on this since it was new territory for me. Did the killer's identity surprise you? Were the backstories done well enough? Constructive critcism is always appreciated.**

 **The outtake for this chapter should be up within the next 24 hours if all goes well, so keep an eye out for that if you're following them.**

 **Thanks for reading, let me know what you thought!**

 **-MayFairy :)**

Guest Review Replies:

Wonderful Whovian - _I definitely knew who the killer was from the beginning! I think you have to know from the start when writing a murder mystery or you can't lay all the little seeds otherwise. The 8th Doctor movie is so much fun! Which bits did you find sad, out of curiosity? Thanks so much for the review, hope you liked the conclusion of this arc!_


	10. Asylum of the Daleks: Scared

**To anyone reading this as a standalone, for the sake of overall series plot I need to include AUs of AotD, PoT, and AtM (because of Oswin, Kate and River respectively). Due to having a completely different cast of characters, they should hopefully still be an interesting read, and won't be one after the other.**

 **Here is the first half of Asylum. Jay and Jenny meet the Daleks!**

 **For anyone reading the outtakes fic, _Unobserved,_ the outtake for this chapter is up. It's set at the beginning so you can read it first or leave it until after, it's up to you. **

* * *

Jay's bedroom was, in a word, fantastic. It was exactly what he would have picked if he had been given the chance to decorate it - though Jenny said that the TARDIS was telepathic, so that more or less explained that.

There was a bookshelf filled with books about music on various different planets, and a shelf holding a series of bizarre looking instruments. He had tried playing a few, but had only been able to make some pleasant sounds on one so far and not for several hours and without some browsing for instructions.

He gravitated back to his guitar. It was his piece of home in the bonkers spaceship filled with bonkers aliens. He thought about the view of the asteroid filled sky as they had looked up from the main deck of the _Aurora_ , and began picking a soft melody.

There was a plain notebook and pencil on his bedside table that he'd found in the bookcase, and once he was happy with his little riff he hurried to write it down in tab form. As he was finishing doing so, there was a knock on the door.

"Um, you should probably get out here," Jenny said, poking her head around the door.

Jay leaned the guitar against his bed and got up. "What's up?"

"I don't know, Dad had some weird dream and woke up saying he'd been sent a message. He wants to go somewhere that has Aliya yelling at him and I need backup," she explained, and he hurried with her into the console room, where sure enough the two older members of the group were in a heated argument.

"I don't know what you're expecting to happen if you're refusing to come with me but won't let me go alone!" The Doctor was saying to Aliya, whose fists were clenched at her sides.

"How about you just don't go?! Since that's the only _sane_ option?!"

"We'll go with you," Jenny interrupted, "And Aliya can stay here if she wants."

"No," the Doctor and Aliya said at the same time, with identical frowns. The former then pulled down a lever, making the TARDIS jerk into flight. They all held on for dear life, in what was the roughest ride Jay had yet to experience in the TARDIS. It felt like even the ship itself wasn't keen on their destination.

When they finally landed with the usual weird wheezing noise, the Doctor eyed the scanner.

"I'm going. You all stay here," he said, and Aliya caught his wrist as he made in the direction of the outer door.

"Please don't," she pleaded, her voice much softer.

"I have to. And you know I have to go alone."

"Like hell you are, I'm coming with you," Jenny said, coming down the steps, but both of them ignored her.

"I'll be back soon," the Doctor said. He headed for the door while Aliya held Jenny by the arm to prevent her from following.

"This is a dick move and you know it," Aliya told him, scowling. He gave her an apologetic look before ducking out the door. A resigned sigh escaped her and she hit a button on the console. "Don't try and leave, Jenny, I've locked the door."

"Do you want to explain what's going on?" Jay asked, glancing at Jenny's clenched jaw.

"He knows I'll stay because I need to make sure you two don't do anything stupid like try and leave the ship," Aliya said bitterly, "He knows I'll only let you out there over my dead body. It's his oh so cunning way of keeping us all safely in here."

"We're not children-" Jenny tried to say, but Aliya was having none of it.

"As far as we're concerned, that's exactly what you are," she snapped, eyes flashing, "We're not on a planet with a little gang problem or anything so mundane. We're on _Skaro_ , Jenny, so if you could stop trying to prove yourself to someone who is perfectly aware of how capable you are and let me worry about your father in peace, it would be appreciated."

Jenny recoiled and became immediately repentant. "Shit. I'm sorry." She hugged Aliya, who swallowed hard before relaxing into the hug and holding her tight.

Jay felt more like an outsider than ever. "What's so bad about this Skaro place?"

"I'm guessing you don't know what a Dalek is," Aliya said as she and Jenny let go of each other. The latter sat down on the jump seat while the former leaned against the console, gripping it with white knuckles.

"No."

"As is the case for millions of people across the universe, the Daleks are the reason my planet and family burned," she said darkly, "They don't necessarily look like much, but they're the most horrific creatures to ever be created. Anything that isn't a Dalek is wrong to them and needs to be exterminated."

 _Well, fuck._ "And where we are now, Skaro, that's where they're from?" He guessed.

"Got it in one."

"I've never actually seen a Dalek," Jenny said after a brief silence, "I heard them, once, before I found you and Dad, but the girl I was with at the time teleported us away before they could get to us. It was smart of her, I guess."

"If I have my way, you never will see one," Aliya said, pursing her lips, "But knowing your father's track record means I'm not overly optimistic about that working out."

Jay lifted an eyebrow. "His track record?"

"The Doctor and the Daleks have a...history."

"Basically, he's been fighting them for centuries. He tends to win, but he's about the only one who can claim that from what I hear," Jenny explained.

It was hard for Jay to imagine the goofy man in the bowtie he knew as being someone who had often been successful in defeating hordes of xenophobic mass murderers. But then he thought back to the way he'd taken over the sponsor ship with the power of words - there had been something about him. Something dangerous, no matter how subtle.

The more he learned about the Doctor, the more it was apparent that there was a lot more beneath the surface of the likable space idiot than one might think.

Half an hour passed in relative silence, all of them too tense to be able to make any proper kind of conversation.

"He should be back by now," Aliya said eventually, obvious worry in her eyes. "I _told_ him it would be a trap, I _told_ him not to-"

"Like he was ever going to listen," Jenny pointed out.

Aliya moved around the console, and yanked up a panel to reveal a strangeness underneath that looked like squishy sponge coral.

"What's that?" Jay asked, and Jenny seemed similarly curious.

"TARDIS telepathic circuits," Aliya said, before shoving her fingers into the gaps, "We can use them to get the TARDIS to take us to wherever the Doctor is. And when she does, I am going out alone. No arguments."

Jenny didn't seem too keen on that, but as Aliya shut her eyes and focused, the ship jolted into flight again. When it stilled, Aliya slowly withdrew her hands and put the panel back down.

"I mean it. Both of you stay here," she looked to Jenny, eyes serious and imploring, " _Please_." Jenny nodded very reluctantly, and Aliya thanked her before heading for the door and stepping outside. "It's not Skaro," her voice said to them through the small gap in the partially open door, "We're not on a planet anymore."

Jenny grabbed Jay by the elbow and yanked him towards the door, pulling him out into a round room of stark white and shutting the TARDIS door behind them.

"If it's not Skaro, then we're not staying inside," Jenny said, and Aliya rolled her eyes but didn't argue. Her attention was stolen by a small window. They approached it, and outside was open space filled with spaceships that looked like traditional flying saucers.

"No," the older blonde whispered with horror, before turning to them, "Get back in the TARDIS, _now-_ "

The sliding of a door opening behind them made them whip around. A machine resembling a large bronze pepper shaker entered, gliding across the floor with a strange sort of elegance. It had a dome that resembled a head with a mechanic eyestalk protruding from it, and what was probably a gun pointed at them.

 _Is that a plunger?_

Jay had to write that off as too weird to currently dwell on, given that the moment the door had opened Aliya had pushed Jay and Jenny behind her. Her arms were spread as if to shield them. Problem was, being so close to her, Jay could see and feel her entire body trembling.

From behind what had to be a Dalek, stepped the Doctor in all of his tweed and bowtie glory, for the moment unharmed and his usual brand of cheerful in the face of peril.

"Nice to see you three could make it," he said with a small smile.

Aliya scoffed. "Well, you know me, Doctor, in the heart of a Dalek fleet is _exactly_ where I like to be. It's not like I told you that listening to that message would be a terrible idea or anything so obvious."

He didn't so much as blink at the accusatory sarcasm in her tone.

Above them, the ceiling opened and the floor - platform, Jay internally corrected - began to rise up, bringing them into the dead centre a huge room that reminded Jay of a concert hall. It was as round as the small chamber they had just been in, but on a massive scale, and it was filled with thousands of Daleks in meticulous rows of circles.

Jay felt Aliya's hand slide into his and grip it like a vice. When he glanced sideways, he saw she had done the same on the other side with Jenny's. It was hard to know if it was for their reassurance or her own, but the pure terror in her eyes suggested at least partly the latter.

"Where are we?" Jenny asked.

"The Parliament of the Daleks," her father answered, his expression grave but his eyes distraught, "Be brave."

"I'm trying," Aliya breathed, but it sounded like she was about to cry.

"What do we do?" Jenny asked the Doctor urgently.

"Make them remember you," he said with grim determination, before turning around to face the room, "Well, come on then. You've got me. What are you waiting for?" He spread his arms in invitation. "At long last, it's Christmas! Here I am."

He squeezed his eyes tightly shut and waited. Jay realised with horror that he was fully expecting to die then and there, and that surely they would be next if he was right.

But no shot came. Not a single one.

"Save us," a hideous creature in a tank at the head of the room said in a croaky voice. The Doctor cracked an eye open with obvious confusion. "You will...save us."

"I'll what?" He asked them with disbelief.

"YOU WILL SAVE THE DA-LEKS."

"SAVE THE DA-LEKS. SAVE THE DA-LEKS. SAVE THE DA-LEKS. SAVE THE DA-LEKS. SAVE THE DA-LEKS."

It became a chorus around the room, the thousands of Daleks all crying it out, much to the bewilderment of the four travellers.

"Well," the Doctor said, eyes wide and an odd smile forming on his lips for a moment, "This is new."

No more information was offered, the Daleks apparently not interested in talking to them again for the moment since they only told the Doctor to wait when he tried to get them to elaborate. With tension in his frame, the Time Lord quickly took to pacing back and forth anxiously.

"What's he doing?" Jay asked.

"He's chosen the most defendable area of the room, counted all the Daleks, counted all the exits," Jenny said, tilting her head slightly.

"How do you know?"

"Because it's exactly what I did too."

Aliya, meanwhile, had her jaw set in a firm line. "And now he's worked out that I am well and truly furious with him for getting us into this and is trying to determine if it's justified and if he should feel guilty."

"This is so not the time for you to be pissed at him," Jenny said to her.

"It's always a good time to be angry at him." Aliya watched the Doctor intently, and then snorted. "And he's straightened the bowtie. Good. Now he might actually _do_ something."

"Right, because he's got a load of options when surrounded by Daleks who could kill us all in a second," Jenny retorted.

"And whose fault is that?"

"We have arrived," the creature in the tank said.

"What is that thing?" Jay asked quietly, and Aliya explained that it was what Daleks were underneath their casing, that it was probably the Prime Minister or some equivalent.

"Arrived where?" The Doctor asked the Dalek Prime Minister. A woman approached him, a redhead with an eyestalk in her forehead who was quite obviously on the Dalek's side. She and the Doctor spoke quietly between themselves, him seeming to be beseeching her about something but to no avail.

Finally, the Doctor approached the Prime Minister. "Well?"

"What do you know of the Dalek Asylum?"

"According to legend, you have a dumping ground," the Doctor said, "A planet where you lock up all the Daleks that go wrong. The battle-scarred, the insane, the ones even _you_ can't control." He shook his head. "It's never made any sense to me."

The Prime Minister seemed to hesitate, its eye focused intently on him. "Why not?"

"Because you'd just kill them."

"It is...offensive to us to extinguish such _divine_ hatred."

The Doctor stopped, staring at him with confusion and what might have been disbelief. "Offensive?" He repeated.

"Does it surprise you to know that the Daleks have a concept of beauty?"

The grip on Jay's hand only tightened, and when he glanced at Aliya she looked rather green. Her eyes, however, were alight with a loathing that probably shouldn't have been surprising but somehow was.

The Doctor seemed to share her sentiments. He leaned in closer to the tank. "I thought you'd run out of ways to make me sick," he said, his voice low enough that Jay barely heard him, "But hello again. You think _hatred_ is _beautiful_."

He turned away from them.

"Perhaps that is why we have never been able to kill you," the Prime Minister said, making the man in the bowtie stop in his tracks with a stricken look on his face and Aliya release Jay's hand to use hers to cover her mouth with dismay.

A hole opened in the middle of the platform they were standing on and they moved back from it. The Doctor and the redhead came to stand next to them at the edge they could all look down at the sight now visible to them - a barren and icy planet.

"The Asylum," the woman said, "It occupies the planet, right to the core."

"How many Daleks are in there?"

"A count has not been made. Millions, certainly."

"Armed?" Jenny asked.

"The Daleks are always armed."

"Can I ask what the _relevance_ of all this is?" Aliya asked sharply, scowling at the redheaded woman. "Why are we here? Why should we care about this asylum or showcase of deranged Dalek beauty or whatever the fuck you nauseating creatures want to call it?"

The redhead was unphased by her hostility and entirely ignored her, addressing only the Doctor. "This signal is being received from the very heart of the Asylum."

The booming sound of an opera filled the room, surprising them all. Jay recognised it as _Carmen_. He wasn't much of an opera fan in general, but had seen this particular one once and rather enjoyed it.

"WHAT IS THE NOISE?" The large white Dalek near the Prime Minister asked them. "EX-PLAIN. EX-PLAIN."

"Er, it's me," the Doctor said, putting up his hand.

"Sorry, _what_?" Aliya demanded, looking to be just about at her wit's end with him.

"It's me, playing the triangle," he explained, miming doing just that and making Jay laugh while Aliya's scowl only deepened, "Okay, I got buried in the mix. _Carmen_. Lovely show. Someone's transmitting this. Have you considered tracking the signal back and talking to them?" His question was met with only silence, and he made a face. "He asked the Daleks."

He followed through on his own suggestion, calling out to whoever might be on the other end. "Hello?"

" _Hello!"_ A voice called back, a feminine one. _"Yes, yes, sorry, do you read me?"_

"Yes, reading you loud and clear. Identify yourself and report your status."

" _Hello,"_ the voice said again, sounding a bit bemused, _"Are you real? Are you actually, properly real?"_

The Doctor laughed softly. "Yes, confirmed, actually properly real." He noticed Aliya muttering under her breath about him being a confirmed and actually properly real pain in her arse, and just stuck his tongue out at her. She rolled her eyes.

" _Oswin Oswald, Junior Entertainment Manager, Starship Alaska!"_ The woman on the other end of the signal told them. _"Current status, crashed and shipwrecked somewhere...not nice. Been here a year, rest of the crew missing. Provisions good but...keen to move on."_

"A year? Are you okay? Are you under attack?"

" _Some local lifeforms. Been keeping them out."_

"Do you know what those lifeforms are?"

" _I know a Dalek when I hear one, yeah."_

"What have you been doing on your own against the Daleks for a year?" The Doctor asked Oswin, looking incredibly impressed.

" _Making souffles?"_

The Doctor's eyebrows shot up and he laughed again, this time with delight. "Souffles? Against the Daleks?" He frowned. "Where do you get the milk?"

"What the fuck is a souffle?" Aliya asked Jenny, who shrugged.

"It's a baked food made with eggs," Jay told them, staring at them, unsure of whether to laugh or throw up his hands with exasperation. How could these genius aliens be so clueless about such simple things? And why the hell was he so concerned with that when they were surrounded by thousands of homicidal xenophobic aliens? He needed to sort out his priorities.

" _THIS CON-VER-SA-TION IS IR-REL-E-VANT."_

"No, it isn't," the Doctor said, whipping around to look at the white Dalek as the connection with Oswin was cut off, "Because a starliner has crashed into your Asylum, and someone's got in. And if someone can get in, then everything can get out. A tsunami of insane Daleks. Even you don't want that."

"THE AS-Y-LUM MUST BE CLEAN-SED."

"Then why is it still here? You've enough firepower on this ship to blast it out of the sky."

"The Asylum forcefield is impenetrable."

"Turn it off."

"It can only be turned off from within the Asylum."

The Doctor shook his head as he began to pace again. "A small taskforce could sneak through the forcefield, send in a couple of Daleks - oh." He stopped and began to applaud sarcastically. "Oh, oh, that's good. That's brilliant. You're all scared to go down there." The Daleks were silent. It was enough of a confirmation of his assumption. "Not one of you will go, so tell me, what do the Daleks do when they're too scared?"

"THE PRE-DA-TOR OF THE DA-LEKS WILL BE DE-PLOY-ED."

"You don't have a predator," Aliya said, frowning, having apparently worked up the nerve to address the Daleks directly, "That's essentially the problem for the rest of us. But even if you did, why would they turn off a forcefield for you? And _why are we here_?"

"BE-CAUSE THE DOC-TOR WILL HAVE NO OTH-ER MEANS OF ES-CAPE, AND NEI-THER WILL HIS COM-PAN-IONS."

The redheaded woman just smirked. "May I clarify?" She said to the Doctor, with a glance at Aliya. "The Predator is the Dalek's word for you."

"Me?" The Doctor repeated, aghast. "Me?"

"Oh," Aliya exhaled shakily.

A wristband was put on the Doctor's wrist, while the redhead explained that he needed it because it would protect him from the 'nanocloud'. Whatever that was. The Doctor didn't seem to know either, but the redhead didn't explain further when he asked.

"The gravity beam will convey you close to the source of the transmission," she said instead, "You must find a way to deactivate the forcefield from there."

"You're going to fire me at a planet?" The Doctor said, gaping at her. "That's your plan? I get fired at a planet and expected to fix it."

"To be fair, you're kind of known for being good at that," Jenny pointed out.

"Don't be fair to the Daleks when they're firing me at a planet!" Her father told her indignantly, looking at her like she'd just pledged her allegiance to them.

Wristbands were put on Jay, Jenny, and Aliya as well.

"What do you want with them?"

"IT IS KNOWN THE DOC-TOR RE-QUI-RES COM-PAN-IONS."

"Have I ever mentioned that sometimes I really _hate_ being friends with you?" Aliya said to the Doctor scathingly. "The Daleks wouldn't come near me if it weren't for you."

"You do take me to the most interesting places, Doctor," Jay said, in an attempt to lighten the mood.

The Doctor gave him a smile, and looked at all three of them in turn. "Don't worry. We'll get through this, I promise." His gaze came to rest on Aliya, whose entire body was stiff. "Don't be scared."

"Don't _you_ worry, the anger is doing a really nice job of keeping the fear at bay for the moment," she retorted, glaring daggers at him.

He just grinned. "Good, that'll probably help when we get down there."

Jenny took a deep breath. "Well, geronimo, I guess."

The humanoids behind them pushed them into the gravity beam, and they all fell through what seemed like a tunnel of light. It reminded Jay vaguely of the bungee jump he'd done once, except he knew there would be no bounce back up, and he was instead going to land on a planet filled with insane Daleks.

His body protested as he collided with something solid in the same moment the light around him faded. Someone nearby let out a similar groan, and he lifted his head to see Aliya pushing herself up off the hard, wet ground.

"Can you see the others?" She asked.

"No," Jay said, getting up as well and looking around, only to realise that the chamber they were in was full of Daleks. "Oh shit."

"I think they're deactivated, or in some kind of sleep mode," Aliya was quick to say, but she edged closer to him all the same. She was starkly pale even in the dim light. Her body was trembling as much as it had been when she'd seen the first Dalek aboard the Parliament ship.

"How do you know?"

"Because we're not dead."

"Ah. Where are Jenny and the Doctor?"

"Somewhere else. Hopefully somewhere with less Daleks, but I'm not holding my breath on that given where we are."

Where they were. The Dalek Asylum. They were in the Dalek Asylum and had been separated from their friends. To make things better, Jay was with the member of the group who probably - as rude as it felt to even think it - would have been his last pick to be stranded with alone in a hostile environment.

What the hell had he gotten himself into?

* * *

 **Writing this group with the Daleks has been really fun. Thanks for reading, and let me know what you thought!**

 **p.s. reminder to check out the outtake for this chapter in _Unobserved_ , which you can find on my profile! It's the start of the Daliya argument about Skaro. **

**-MayFairy :)**

Guest Review Replies:

WonderfulWhovian - _The trick to any decent twist is planning (I mean, the one in the middle of IBTS was one I sat on for several years, and it was torture but totally worth it). I'm so glad you think it all fit! In the TV movie I kind of love how Grace refuses to go with him, it works for her character and is refreshing. I've only read the first two EDAs but the second one, Vampire Science, is really really good. Eight with kittens, need I say more? (Also, vampires may, er, come up later in this story.) Thanks for the review, hope you liked this chapter!_

EvenEth13 - _Thanks! The way that Jay finds out about Aliya and the Doctor is...not going to be what you expect, lol. But it should hopefully be entertaining, as will be my milking his ignorance for all its comic worth. Sorry for delay with this chapter, uni is killing me right now._


	11. Asylum of the Daleks: Insane

**Sorry for the wait! The next storyline's been giving me a bit of trouble. Enjoy the second half of Asylum!**

* * *

 _The Dalek Asylum. They were in the Dalek Asylum and had been separated from their friends. To make things even better, Jay was with the member of the group who probably - as rude as it felt to even think it - would have been his last pick to be stranded with alone in a hostile environment._

 _What the hell had he gotten himself into?_

"So what now?"

Aliya didn't answer his question, and instead was inching towards the Dalek nearest to her with her arm outstretched. She was biting down hard on her lip, and looked ready to burst into tears from how much she didn't want to do whatever it was she was doing. In fact, there _were_ a few tears in her eyes.

Finally her hand met the bronze casing and she was able to push the Dalek back a few feet. Her body relaxed a fraction.

"Definitely not active, at least for the moment," she said to Jay with relief.

"You're really terrified of these things, aren't you?"

"Whatever gave it away?" She asked wryly. As she came to stand next to him, she wordlessly took his hand in hers like she had on the parliament ship. They cast their eyes around the room at the various Daleks just sitting there, unmoving. "These things tore down my home world like they had done to so many before, so many since, and will do to countless others. The only thing I have to be thankful for is that I wasn't there to see it."

"Where were you?"

She opened her mouth to answer, only to freeze. Jay followed her gaze to a Dalek whose eyestalk had begun to glow blue. She put a finger to her lips with the hand that wasn't holding his and began to very slowly pull him towards the far door with the one that was.

Around them, the other Daleks began booting up, the glows returning to their eyestalks as well.

"EG, EG, EG, EG," the first one said. "EG, EG, EG, EG, EG."

"Er, what?" Jay asked, frowning at it. "Does it want eggs?"

Aliya looked at him like he'd lost his mind. "No, Jay, it doesn't want _eggs_! That's just the beginning of their favourite word!"

"EG. STIR. MIN. ATE."

"Did it just say what I think it said?"

"EX-TERM-IN-ATE."

"EX-TERM-IN-ATE!"

"Yes, it is, now run!" Aliya shouted, all need for stealth gone as the Daleks started firing at them, the bolts of light that were probably death rays missing Jay's head by only a foot.

" _Keep going to the door at the end!"_ A voice said over the intercom. Oswin. _"They're waking up, but they're slow. Just keep running!"_

"Way ahead of you!" Aliya replied. Jay yanked her out of the path of a Dalek blast just in time, and then to the floor so that they could slide underneath the partially open door.

It shut behind them and they lay on the floor, panting.

"Thanks," Aliya said, shutting her eyes for a moment and getting her bearings while Jay got back to his feet and offered her a hand up.

"No problem."

" _So, anyway, I'm Oswin_. _What do I call you two?"_

"Jay."

"Aliya."

" _Aw, lovely names. First girl I ever fancied was called Aliya. Well, no, she was called Nina. There was a nice boy called James as well, though. That's close to Jay."_

"How nice for you," Aliya said politely.

" _Just flirting to keep you cheerful."_

Through the door, the Daleks could still be heard. "EX-TERM-IN-ATE. EX-TERM-IN-ATE." Aliya folded her arms over her chest and took a deep breath in what had to be an attempt to keep calm.

"Feel free to keep the flirting up, Oswin, I'd appreciate it," she said, swallowing.

" _Can do, beautiful."_

Aliya's eyebrow arched, but the corner of her lips quirked into the fraction of a smile - the first since before they had landed on Skaro.

Jay was relieved, because she was so scared that it made him want to reassure or protect her, but that notion was simply too ridiculous. Firstly because she was obviously the more knowledgeable of the two of them when it came to Daleks, and he wasn't going to be any decent defense against death rays. Secondly because he'd realised he already thought of her as the mother figure of their little group. She was the one always trying to keep him and Jenny safe, not the other way around.

"Oswin?" Aliya asked after no more quips or instructions came. "Hm. Must be somewhere else. Helping the Doctor and Jenny, maybe. I hope they're together too." She looked at Jay. "You make sure you stay where I can see you."

He laughed at her. "Yes, _Mom_ , because I was really going to run off."

She blinked at him, clearly thrown by his joke, and something flashed through her eyes that made him wonder if perhaps it had been a mistake. But then she softened and smiled at him.

"It's funny you said that, actually," she said, glancing at the floor as she folded her arms over her chest, "I was telling the Doctor just the other day that you remind me of my son."

Caught off guard by that, Jay had no idea how to respond. "Oh," was all that came out of his mouth. _She has a son? How old is he? Where is he?_

"You have the exact same look of surprise that he used to get. Absolutely identical even though the two of you couldn't look more different overall," Aliya said, smiling, "And you're the kind of young man I like to think he would have been."

 _Oh_. He suddenly remembered her words in Manuel's cabin. _I never got to raise any of my kids, remember?_

"Korean with sick guitar skills?" Jay asked lightly, making her laugh.

"Definitely the qualities I was referring to," she said, grinning at him, "But there are a few others in your favour too."

" _Not to interrupt...whatever this is, but there's a door behind you I need you guys to go through_ ," Oswin said to them. They sobered a little, remembering where they were.

"Thanks," Jay said as they went through the door that she lifted for them.

" _Great. Now, pop your shirts off, quick as you like."_

"Wait, what? Why?"

" _Does there have to be a reason?"_

Aliya snorted and shook her head before bending to example the circular piece of technology that formed a sort of platform near their feet. "I think this is a teleport." When nothing more came from Oswin, she added, "She's as bad as River. Well, no, she's not, but she's only just met us, so it evens out."

"Bit of a chick magnet, are you?" Jay teased.

She turned pink and pinched the bridge of her nose. "No. Maybe a little. Only when it's no good to me, apparently!"

"Why's it no good to you?"

She gave him a funny look. "Well, there's a multitude of reasons, one of the most obvious being that neither weird girls in the Dalek Asylum nor your best friend's wife are great romantic prospects."

"Fair point."

"Plus I'm-" Embarrassment crossed her face again and she made some non-committal hand gestures. "Demi. Really, painfully demi, in all respects."

Jay in that moment immensely thankful for his sister's educating him on LGBTQ matters. "Ah. You don't need to be ashamed of that."

"Oh, I'm not," she said quickly, "It's common for my people, we just...aren't good about talking about this sort of thing. I don't even know why I just told you that, I'll never understand your species' need to advertise sexuality, when really it only concerns me and, well-"

An explosion back in the direction they had come rocked the room.

"Oswin? What was that?"

When the doors opened, Jay went to run and see, but Aliya grabbed him by his t-shirt and shook her head. Eventually, through the smoke, the Doctor emerged and entered the corridor, a groggy Jenny in his arms.

"Oh, thank god," Jay said as they came into the teleport room, but took another look at Jenny and frowned. "What happened to her?"

"She got her wristband taken from her," the Doctor explained, setting her down gently on the teleport pad. "She started hallucinating. Losing some of her finer mental faculties."

"Why?"

"That's what the nanocloud is, it's a bunch of tiny robots that convert any organic matter into a Dalek puppet. That's why we were given the wristbands in the first place." As the Doctor spoke, he took off his own and put it on Jenny's wrist. "There. She should be alright soon."

" _But now_ you're _going to start converting_ ," Oswin said, sounding alarmed.

"Nah," the Doctor said, grinning, "Time Lord. We're not so easily taken over. Never really needed mine, but the Daleks up above didn't need to know that."

"Besides, subtracting love and adding anger is how you make a Dalek," Aliya said, eyes on the floor, "That's not something that he'll let happen. I'm not convinced Jenny would have gone easily either."

The Doctor glanced at her hopefully. "Does this mean you're not angry with me anymore?"

She didn't even gratify that with an answer, simply giving him a look that made it entirely clear to everyone present that she very much was.

"How about you, Oswin?" The Doctor asked, turning to the nearby speaker instead. "How come you're okay?"

" _I mentioned the genius thing, yeah? Shielded in here."_

"Clever of you. Now, this place. The Daleks said it was fully automated. Look at it, it's a wreck."

" _Well, I've had nearly a year to mess with them, and not a lot else to do."_

"A junior entertainment manager hiding out in a wrecked ship, hacking the security systems of the most advanced warrior race the universe has ever seen," the Doctor summarised, visibly impressed, "But you know what really gets me about you, Oswin? The souffles. Where do you get milk for the souffles?" He looked at his friends, who were frowning at him. "Seriously. Is no one else wondering about that?"

"No, I'm a little preoccupied with being _in the middle of the Dalek Asylum with no TARDIS_ ," Aliya said scathingly.

" _So, Doctor, I've been looking you up,"_ Oswin said, _"You're all over the database. Why do the Daleks call you the Predator?"_

"I'm not the Predator, I'm just a man with a plan."

" _You've got a plan?"_ Oswin asked at the same time Jay did.

The Doctor smiled. "In no particular order, we need to neutralise all the Daleks in the Asylum, rescue Oswin from the wreckage, escape the planet, and maybe in the process think of a gesture that might help Aliya forgive me for getting us into this mess."

Aliya rolled her eyes. "Let's just worry about the first three for now, alright?"

"Seconded," Jenny groaned as she came to and pushed herself up onto her elbows. Aliya moved to sit on the edge of the teleport near her, so that she could bring Jenny's head to her lap and stroke back some of her hair.

"Hey, slowly," she said softly, "You got Dalek nanogenes in your head, that can't have been fun."

"No, it wasn't."

"Wait, but if Time Lords are immune, why did it affect you?" Jay asked Jenny, confused as he glanced up at the Doctor. The man in the bowtie was busy explaining to Oswin that the Daleks above were waiting for him to turn off the forcefield so they could blow up the planet, with them on it, and asking how quickly she could drop said forcefield.

"I'm not a Time Lord," Jenny said weakly, "I just have some of the base genetic components. Biologically Gallifreyan, not a Time Lord. It's complicated and I don't entirely get it myself."

"Oh."

"Once the forcefield is down, I can use it to beam us right off this planet," the Doctor was meanwhile saying, and Jay figured he had to be talking about the teleport they were currently sitting on.

"Wait, but you said the Daleks would blow us up as soon as they can," he said.

"We'll have to be quick."

"That's reassuring," Jay replied, lifting his eyebrows, "Where are we teleporting up to?"

"Only place within range. The Dalek ship."

"They'll kill us on the spot," Aliya pointed out, frowning, "I'm all for any kind of escape plan, but this is sounding like one that will only keep us alive for about ten more seconds."

"What's wrong with ten seconds?" The Doctor grinned at her. "You can do loads in ten seconds. Oswin, how fast can you drop the forcefield?"

" _I can do it from here, as soon as you come and get me."_

"No, just drop the forcefield and come to us."

" _There's enough power in that teleport for one go. Why would you wait for me?_ "

The Doctor blinked at her question. He seemed genuinely surprised that she would ask, and stared at the speaker where her voice was coming through as if somehow it would give him the ability to see through it and understand her mistrust of him. "Why wouldn't I?"

" _No idea. Never met you. Sending you a map so you can come get me."_

"This place is filled with Daleks!" Aliya protested.

" _Yeah. Kind of why I'm anxious to leave. Come up and see me sometime."_

"You're going, aren't you," Aliya said to the Doctor, with a resigned look. He pointed out that he didn't have much of a choice. "Okay, well, I'll stay here with these two. Safer that way."

Jay also figured her decision had a fair bit to do with it meaning her getting to opt out of encountering any more Daleks directly for the moment, but didn't point that out.

"Good plan," the Doctor said to her, and knelt to make some adjustments to the wiring of the teleport before using his sonic on it for good measure, "Now, as soon as the forcefield is down, the Daleks attack. If it gets too explodey-wodey in here, you go without me, okay?"

"That's not happening," Aliya said, with Jenny echoing similar sentiment at the same time.

"Aliya-"

"Don't _Aliya_ me, just make sure you hurry back so that we don't have to argue about this, alright?" She told him firmly.

His shoulders sank in defeat, but then he smirked. "Careful. You'll make me think you're worried about me."

"Get going before I throw something at you," she replied, glaring until he did exactly that. The moment he was gone, she muttered 'insufferable prat' under her breath.

"And calm," Jenny said, lifting an eyebrow at her.

"He doesn't make that an easy concept for me."

"I can't believe the most deadly race in the universe are giant bronze pepper pots with guns that look like whisks." Jay muttered, more to himself than them.

Jenny gave him a grim smile while Aliya simply snorted. "Dangerous things don't always look it. Stick around with us long enough, you'll see a lot of examples of that."

"Right, because that's why I travel with you guys, for the homicidal aliens. You feeling better?" Jay asked. She nodded and sat up, stretching her limbs and sighing.

"How much longer do you think Dad will be?"

"I don't know," Aliya said, worry crossing her face, "We're not the ones with the map, we don't know how far he has to go to get her. Or how many Daleks there are along the way."

"But he'll be okay, they're scared of him, they call him the Predator," Jay pointed out, "Which, by the way, is kind of freaky, or would be if he weren't so, you know. Him."

"Predators aren't invincible." Aliya ran a hand through her hair as she got back to her feet. "I shouldn't have let him go on his own, you two would have been fine here, I should have-" She trailed off, a desperate hopelessness to her. "I don't know. I should have done _something_."

"No offense, Aliya, but you wouldn't really be any help to him," Jenny said, giving her a sympathetic look, "Probably the opposite. I don't think any of us going would have helped."

"Yeah, I know," the other blonde whispered.

Jay couldn't help but find her change in tune rather amusing. "I thought you were angry with him because it's his fault we're in this mess?"

Aliya laughed lightly. "Oh, I am. That doesn't mean I could stand anything actually happening to him. I'm very capable of worrying about him while furious with him."

"He'll be fine," Jenny assured her, "He's the Doctor. Surviving is what he does."

"Is it?" Jay was vaguely relieved when they both nodded at him. "Oh. Well, that's good to know, I guess."

That was when the room shook. Jay nearly fell on his face but managed to right himself just in time. It remained less stable as Jenny also got to her feet and grabbed the small box with the button that would teleport them away.

"So that'll be the ship overheard starting their attack," she said, frowning. "Dad better be close by."

"We're teleporting back to the Dalek ship, right?" Jay asked. "What are our chances of surviving that, exactly? You didn't seem too hopeful, before, Aliya."

"I was just being ...prickly," Aliya said, and a tiny glint entered her eye, "If I know the Doctor, there'll be something he hasn't told us yet, maybe because he's not sure he can pull it off."

"That would be very Dad," Jenny agreed.

"Well, that would be good," Jay said, making a face, "Don't really want to get killed by a bunch of angry pepper pots."

That was when the door slid open and the Doctor ran in, with no small number of explosions going off behind him. They all let out breaths of relief and Jenny readied herself to press the button as soon as he got onto the pad.

"Wait, where's Oswin?" Jay asked, realising he was alone.

"Not coming, I'm afraid."

"Did you cut it close enough?!" Aliya asked the Doctor, her jibe not carrying much weight when she was laughing from sheer relief at the same time. The moment he stepped onto the pad she wrapped her arms around his neck and hugged him fiercely. He let his face drop into the crook of her neck as he hugged her back just as hard.

"Jenny, the teleport," Jay reminded his friend, and she looked away from her father and was quick to press the button.

It took a few seconds to work, but then light flared and next thing Jay knew they were in the TARDIS. He laughed with relief and was quick to hug Jenny in his excitement about still being alive.

Nearby, he heard the Doctor say, "Er, Aliya, not that this isn't nice, but there's still the problem of the whole Dalek parliament outside."

Aliya opened her eyes without letting go of him and blinked with obvious surprise. "Oh. Not dead, and not about to be dead because not in Dalek parliament. That's nice."

He laughed at her as he pulled away, and tapped her on the nose. "Thought you might appreciate it. Won't be a second, I just need to check something."

He moved to turn on the scanner, and Dalek voices immediately came through. They seemed confused as to what and who had just teleported out of the Asylum.

"You know, you guys should really have seen this coming," he said to them through the comm, "The thing about me and teleports, I've got a really good aim. Pin-point accurate, in fact. Or, to put it another way-" He ran to the door and stuck his head out of it. "Suckers!"

"I-DENT-IF-Y YOUR-SELF! I-DENT-IF-Y YOUR-SELF!"

 _What?_ Jay wondered. _It seemed like every single Dalek knew who he was. How could they have forgotten so quickly? What did he do_?

"It's me," the Doctor said, "You know me. The Doctor. The Oncoming Storm. The Predator."

"Titles are not meaningful in this context. Doctor who?"

The Daleks all began to echo that question, much to the bemusement of the three companions inside the TARDIS. The Doctor, however, grinned and pulled his head back inside, shutting the door and racing to the console to begin taking off.

"Am I hearing things, or was that the Daleks not having a clue who you are?" Aliya asked incredulously. "Is this a dream? Did we die and go to a version of reality where the Daleks don't know you?"

"Nope, definitely alive, that's just Oswin's handiwork," the Doctor said cheerfully as he operated the controls, "She hacked into the Path Web, their hivemind, and deleted every bit of information relating to me. She made them forget me entirely."

"I'm sorry, I didn't get past _she hacked into the Path Web_."

"Well, like she said, genius." He turned around to look at them more solemnly. "Well, genius and...a Dalek."

"What?" All three of them asked in unison.

"They'd converted her completely because of how clever she was. She imagined a different reality because her actual one was too terrible for her to conceive. She didn't know until I got there, and-" He trailed off, swallowing. His eyes were large and sad. "She was a Dalek and she was human. And she saved our lives."

There was a moment of silence for her.

"Oswin Oswald," Aliya murmured, a thoughtful look crossing her face, "It's familiar, somehow. Does anyone else feel like they've heard that name before? Or seen it, somewhere?"

They all gave her blank looks, Jenny offering her a shrug.

"I hear a lot of names," the Doctor said, "And as much as I might try, I can't remember everyone. I don't think any of us had met her before. She could see us, she would have said."

"I suppose so," Aliya said, sighing. "Well, now what?"

"You know what I feel like?"

"What?"

"Pancakes. I believe I promised a diner a while back with the best pancakes I've ever tasted. How does that sound?"

Aliya's face lit up. "Really?"

"Really really."

She was quick to hug him again, and Jay and Jenny laughed at how excited she was about something as simple as pancakes. But then, as Jay recalled her mentioning it to him after America, she had apparently been waiting a while.

"Actually, can we stop somewhere where I could call my sister?" Jay asked.

"Your sister?" The Doctor repeated, turning to look at him with surprise.

"Yeah. I've just been thinking about how her and Mum don't know where I am, and I'd like to let at least Evy know I've gone travelling in case something happens to me. Or if something goes wrong and I come back late or something like that. I just don't want them to worry."

"Ah." The Doctor smiled widely. "Give me your phone for a second." Jay got it out and handed it over, and the Doctor fiddled with it and gave it a quick sonic before giving it back to him. "There. Now you can call anyone in time and space. You can call your sister from here."

"Seriously?"

"Seriously. Wifi signal no matter where we are, too. You could update your Twitter from on top of a Martian mountain if you liked."

"Woah, thanks!" Jay looked at his phone with new wonder.

"What's a Twitter?" Aliya asked, only for the other three to give her amused looks and no answer. "Oh fine, be like that. Being patronising doesn't suit any one of you, you know."

"You run along and call your sister while Jenny and Aliya get changed into something more sixties. Then, pancakes."

"Sounds good."

Jay headed up the stairs, dialling the only personal number he knew by heart as he went. It only rang twice before Evy picked up.

" _Finally! You haven't been active on Facebook Messenger for days, I've sent you like five messages!"_

"Sorry, I'm kind of...overseas, only just got my phone working and wasn't anywhere near free wifi," Jay said, telling himself it wasn't really a lie. The switch to Korean was effortless and rather comforting.

" _Overseas? What the hell are you doing overseas? You don't have the money for that."_

"No, I kind of...met some people who do. They're letting me tag along. It's complicated but it's incredible, Eves. Totally insane, but great."

" _Okay, if you say so,"_ Evy said, not sounding completely convinced, _"You better take loads of pictures so I can live vicariously through you."_

"Of course."

" _Who are these people you're travelling with?"_

"Let's just say...foreign lesser nobility, sort of," Jay said, considering the Doctor's being a 'Time Lord' and running with it, "It's not that important. They're great. I mean they're ridiculous, but in a good way."

" _Foreign lesser nobility, huh? I don't even want to know."_

"That's bullshit, of course you do. But I can't say more than that. If we end up coming your way, I'm sure you could meet them."

" _You better end up coming my way, if you're travelling around for free. San Fran has heaps of incentive for them to come here, it should be easy."_

"To be honest, I think they'd probably take us to San Fran just if I asked."

" _Jesus H Roosevelt Christ, how did you_ meet _these people_?"

"It's...complicated. And travelling with them gets kinda crazy, which is why I really wanted to tell you." Jay took a deep breath and recalled how close he had come to being killed by Daleks earlier in the day. "They get into trouble a lot, Evy."

" _...trouble_?"

"Not like, legal trouble, but just...trouble. And, like, I should be fine, but it's possible that something bad could happen to me and you'd never know and just not hear from me again. So I wanted you to know. This is what I'm doing. I've made the choice to take the risk because it might be dangerous but it's _amazing_."

There was a long silence on the other end.

" _Just...be careful, okay?"_ Evy's voice was quieter, plainly concerned, but they had learned years ago to not argue with each other when their minds were made up.

"Definitely," he promised, "And if it helps at all, they're pretty protective of me."

" _I'm not sure it does, but good to know, I guess."_

They chatted after that, him settling himself on his bed and letting her tell him all about how she was going, everything from cafes she'd found in San Fran to how her transition was going (she'd been on estrogen for eight months). It was so good to hear her voice again. It was always his greatest source of comfort even though she had worked to change it a lot over the last year. High or low voice (not that either of them had naturally low voices to begin with), it was still her and that was all that mattered.

" _Okay, I gotta go, time for work,"_ Evy finally said reluctantly, _"You keep your social media going and we'll talk soon, okay?"_

"Sounds good," Jay replied, "I love you. And you stay safe too." He might be the one out nearly getting killed by aliens, but trans women had a one in twelve likelihood of being murdered in the US and it was a statistic that had had him immensely worried about his sister ever since she had come out.

" _Don't worry about me, my friends say I'm passing pretty well most of the time."_

"I bet you look beautiful."

" _You're a sweet talker. Go hang out with your weird rich friends. And I love you too."_

"Bye."

" _Bye."_

The call ended and Jay pocketed it with a smile. Somehow, the reality of what he'd done - run away with aliens - felt more real now that he'd half lied to his sister about it. But she knew he was travelling now. It felt right, and worry he hadn't even realised he had been carrying was quick to leave his body.

He left his room to go and find the others, and didn't succeed for almost ten minutes. He found the Doctor and Aliya curled up on a sofa in comically fluffy pajamas, _Tangled_ on the TV in front of them. Jenny was nowhere was to be seen, but Aliya's head was resting on the Doctor's shoulder as she dozed, and his fingers were lightly tracing over her temple.

"Hey," Jay said, leaning on the doorway.

The Doctor took several seconds to focus on him, and seemed surprised to see him there. "Jay! Everything alright with your sister?"

"Yeah, all good. What happened to pancakes in the sixties?"

"Oh, uh, we decided to leave it for another day."

Jay glanced at Aliya. "She was pretty...freaked out by the whole thing today, wasn't she? The Daleks, I mean."

"Yeah, but she'll be okay," the Doctor said, smiling softly, "It's not the first or last we've seen of them, unfortunately." A look of concern crossed his face. "What about you? And Jenny? Are _you_ okay? I know Daleks can be-"

"I'm fine," Jay was quick to say, "I mean, it was scary as hell, but...it's not personal for me like it obviously is for you and Aliya. So I think Jenny is probably okay too. She's super brave. And tough."

"I know she is." The pride in the Doctor's eyes was blatant. "All the same, would you go check on her? Just to be sure. I'd go, but…" He nodded towards Aliya. "Don't want to leave her alone right now."

"Yeah, sure," Jay said, nodding.

Aliya whispered something without opening her eyes, and the Doctor murmured something in reply, in that language that Jay didn't understand but liked the sound of the more he heard it. His tone was soft and reassuring. It got the job done if the way the frown on Aliya's brow eased slightly was any indicator.

"She's lucky to have a friend like you," Jay told him.

The Doctor gave him a tiny smile. "When River died, Aliya was the only one that stopped me from, well...losing it. Or rather, I did, but she pulled me back. At no small personal cost, either. I wasn't good company back then, or even really company at all. At one point I just didn't speak to her for a whole six months even though we were both still around each other - sorry, rambling." He made a face. "Point is...I was lucky first, I think."

Jay ignored the _didn't speak to her for a whole six months_ because it was a bit much for him to process. He focused on the last bit.

"I hope one day I have a friend like that," he said.

The Doctor smiled, a knowing glint in his eye. "Jenny said she was going to the library."

Jay tapped his fingers on the door frame in a triplet rhythm as he hesitated. The conversation didn't quite feel finished for some reason, he felt like he still wanted to say something else even though he had no idea what. But the Doctor had shut his eyes and rested his head on top of Aliya's, apparently not sharing the sentiment.

Jay took a moment to smile at the sight of them resting together after facing the monsters that plagued their past. It wasn't something he could understand, the Daleks and the extent of the horror surrounding them, but it seemed the Doctor and Aliya had each other for that.

The library wasn't too hard to find, and when Jay called out, Jenny's voice led him through the maze of shelves until he found her curled up on the floor with stacks of books in some of system all around her.

"Hey," he said, lifting his eyebrows, "What's all this?"

"Research," Jenny replied, without looking up.

"Research?"

"It's every volume I could find with any sizable section on Daleks. A good soldier is prepared, and you prepare yourself by _knowing your enemy_ ," the girl said, biting her lip, "So that's what I'm going to do. And then next time, I'll be ready. We were at their mercy today. We got _lucky_. But I don't believe in luck."

It took Jay a few seconds after she stopped talking to realise that she was shaking. He dropped to the floor next to her and put his hand on her shoulder.

"I was coming to see if you were okay, and I thought you were, but obviously you're not," he said, frowning.

Jenny exhaled slowly, the kind of breath that one uses to force one's body into submission. "You know, I wasn't scared?" A laugh escaped her. "Parliament of the Daleks, at their mercy, and I wasn't scared. Not until I saw Dad's face. Not until I felt Aliya trembling as she tried to shield us even though we all knew it was pointless. I wasn't even scared for myself, or for you, I was just scared for them."

"Fear isn't always rational."

"I've never seen them scared like that," Jenny said, shaking her head, "I just wanted it to stop, I'd have done anything to never see those looks on their faces again."

The dismay on her face, which was at its core a young girl's care for her family, made Jay pull her into his arms for a tight hug. Her head tucked itself under his chin and she clutched him automatically.

"I'm going to learn how to fight Daleks," she whispered, "I'm going to keep us all safe."

"Learning about them is a good idea," he said, "But you know they'll never let you fight alone. Your dad's fought them before and won, right? You need to work together. Me and Aliya can hide at the back if need be."

She let out a shaky laugh. "Okay. Yeah. That sounds good." She shifted a little and he rubbed her back as her breathing evened out and he felt some of the high emotion leave her body.

"You alright now?" He eventually asked.

She nodded and pulled away from him, giving him a slightly embarrassed smile. "Thanks."

Jay just smiled back. "Any time. My hugs are free of charge."

Jenny's smile turned into a genuine grin and she hit him on the arm lightly (well, he had a feeling lightly had been the idea, but it hurt more than he was going to admit). "You're an idiot," she said fondly.

"Good, it'll balance out the average IQ on this ship," he joked, before turning to the books, "Now come on, it's time to learn about Daleks. What have you found so far? Get me up to speed."

"Well, basically, apparently it all started on Skaro with a war between the Thals and the Kaleds…"

* * *

 **I hope that wasn't too dull for anyone who doesn't like episode AUs. I try to get rid of the repetitive/irrelevant material.**

 **Next storyline is one I'm pretty excited about even if it's been a lot of work, and it's set in New Zealand, in my home town, which has been really cool to write. I've also brought back some classic monsters that have yet to appear in New Who, that some of you might be surprised to learn are a canon part of the Whoniverse. ;) If anyone's dying to know what they are, ask in a review and I might just let you know!**

 **Thanks for reading, let me know what you thought!**

 **-MayFairy :)**


	12. The Living Mountains: New Zealand

**Start of a new adventure arc! Asylum got me ahead an extra chapter which was great because it meant I got to finish this whole four chapter arc before posting this first chapter of it. It's set in my hometown, and brings back a classic monster as well as one of my own invention.**

 **I hope you like it!**

* * *

If someone had told Jay a month ago that he would end up in a McDonalds in small town New Zealand with three aliens, he would have laughed and told them that they were insane or high. And yet -

"I guess I'll have a Big Mac combo. What about you, Jay?"

"Same here. Aliya?"

"Well, since all the burgers have meat in them, I suppose I'll just get chips - _ooh!_ And one of those McFlurry things."

Jay had to laugh at how Aliya's eyes widened when they landed on the picture of the soft serve swirled with M&Ms and chocolate sauce. For all her often seeming wise beyond her years - or perhaps having more years than one might assume to look at her - Jay was learning that she practically turned into an excited child with a sweet tooth when confronted with a new dessert.

The Doctor likewise was chuckling. "And I'll just have a chicken caesar wrap as a combo thing. Thanks."

"You do actually have money, right?" Jay asked him. "Because I only have pounds and they're in my other jeans anyway."

The Time Lord dug around in his pockets before pulling out two of the green twenty dollar notes with the queen on them and handing them to the teenager behind the counter. "Is that enough? It doesn't necessarily look like enough - I can never tell."

The server gave him an odd look and accepted the money before giving him some coins for change and handing him their order number. They moved back to wait for their food, even though the fast food restaurant was currently rather quiet and no one else was in line behind them.

"I've always wanted to come to New Zealand," Jay said, "But being stuck in a tiny inland town where every single shop and sign makes a pun on the town name isn't quite what I had in mind."

"It is a bit regreta-bull," Jenny said, grinning.

Jay groaned at the same time that the Doctor outright _giggled_. "Please don't. It's bad enough that someone named a town Bulls, but the fact that the people here have turned every possible piece of signage into a bull pun is just-"

"Unforgetta-bull?" Aliya asked, unable to hold in her own laughter when he threw her an exasperated look. "I'm sorry, _I_ think it's funny."

"No, I mean, it _is_ funny, but it's also just so...dumb."

"Isn't that the point of puns?" Jenny asked, lifting an eyebrow.

"But it's so...wonderfully silly," Aliya said to Jay, grinning, "Where I came from, no one would ever do anything like this. It's brilliant. I like that most members of your species don't take things so seriously. "

Jay hadn't thought about it quite like that. "Well, when you put it like that…" A small grin found its way to his face. "Yeah, it is pretty funny. Humans are idiots, but in ways I tend to like."

"Me too," the Doctor said fondly.

Their number for the food was called up and they moved forward to take their trays and sit down in one of the booths, the elder pair on one side and Jay and Jenny on the other.

"Not to mention, the antique shop was kind of hilarious when you think about it," Jay added as he ate a few of his fries.

Jenny lifted an eyebrow. "Why?"

"Well, you know, we were essentially in a china shop in Bulls. As opposed to that old saying about a bull in a china shop."

"As someone who has experienced both," the Doctor mused, "I can say that this version was much more peaceful."

Jay and Aliya stared at him.

"You know what, I don't even want to know," the latter said a moment later, shaking her head and dipping a couple of fries into her McFlurry.

Jay took a bite of his Big Mac and let out a sigh of contentment as he chewed. "There's something really comforting about this. After everything we've seen, eating McDonalds is just...soothing."

"A true piece of home, huh?" Jenny said, amused.

"Well, yeah. Doesn't matter if we're in New Zealand, McDonalds is McDonalds."

"This place is so global that it's comforting to you?" Aliya asked, with great interest. "Huh. Maybe that explains why it makes me so uncomfortable."

"Uncomfortable?"

"Well, maybe uncomfortable is the wrong word." She made a face. "Except it's not, really. It's sort of like culture shock. Something so completely alien to me personally. It's fine, because I'm with all of you, but ending up in places like this or huge crowds on my own is always unsettling. I don't know. It's hard to explain."

"No, I get it," Jenny said, "I remember the first time I found myself in a big alien crowd. They were this species that were huge and purple with these really slimy tentacles. It was...not fun."

Jay pictured that and shuddered. "See, that would totally freak me out. So fair enough."

Aliya smiled at him until she noticed that the Doctor had taken their conversation as an opportunity to steal some of her McFlurry. "Hey!" She yanked the spoon right out of his mouth, making him yelp. "That's mine!"

"I paid for it," he countered.

"You _bought it for me_. Stealing it is still rude." She went to keep eating it, but he dipped his finger in the chocolate sauce and stuck some on her nose. "Seriously?"

"And yet somehow _I'm_ the four year old," Jenny said, shaking her head with disbelief.

The Doctor just grinned and licked his finger clean before swiping it across the chocolatey tip of her nose, gathering most of the sauce onto his finger, and again cleaning it off with a flick of his tongue.

"Mmm."

"There's this thing called personal space boundaries, Doctor, you might want to try it sometime," Jay said to him, eyebrow up.

Aliya's annoyance had faded into a strange sort of affection as she regarded her absurd, dessert stealing friend. "Don't worry, Jay, I gave up on that a long time ago. I know what I signed up for." She delicately cleaned her nose off with one of the napkins. "All gone?"

"Yeah, you're good."

"At least I didn't lick it directly off your nose," the Doctor said defensively. "And believe me, I definitely considered it."

"I bet you did," Aliya replied, with a tiny wry smile, "But that's because you're utterly ridiculous."

He tapped her on her now clean nose and smiled. "Proudly."

Jenny rolled her eyes at them but couldn't disguise the fond smile on her lips as she bit into her burger. Jay was again reminded of their being a sort of psuedo family, but knew that they considered him a part of it now in most of the ways that mattered. And as someone who was perfectly happy with his actual biological family, that was all he could ask for.

Once they had finished their meal and gone back to the TARDIS, a bit of tinkering meant that the TARDIS was at least able to accomplish a short hop.

"How about I show you a more impressive part of New Zealand?" The Doctor asked them. "We should be okay to get there, and then all we have to do is keep ourselves busy until she's finished calibrating."

"As much as the bull puns have been great, that sounds like a good plan. Where did you have in mind? Not that I've probably heard of it anyway."

"I'm thinking...Mount Maunganui. Beautiful place, you'll see."

He danced around the controls, patting the console soothingly as he went. He asked Jenny and Aliya for help here and there and they were quick to hit the button or pull the lever in question. Soon they landed and he was telling them all to get their beach outfits on. Aliya, doubtful of his steering, stuck her head out the door to ensure they were somewhere sunny before complying.

By the time they left the TARDIS, the women were in sundresses and sunglasses, Jay was finally able to indulge in shorts, and the Doctor went so far as to change his shirt (all of them put their swimming costumes on underneath, though). The Time Lord looked ridiculous wearing the tweed suit with a pair of aviators, but Jay wasn't really sure how to tell him that and was more concerned with putting his guitar on his back for when he found a prime spot to perch on a rock and do some playing.

The TARDIS had materialised by a block of public toilets, and they stepped around it to be rewarded with the view of an exquisite bay of flat water with many children playing in the shallows. Behind them was a small mountain - or depending on one's perspective, a very large hill - covered in bush and some white specs which looked suspiciously like sheep.

"Doctor, you finally got it right," Jay said, grinning.

The other man straightened his bowtie. "No need to sound so surprised."

" _Welcome to Mauao,"_ Jay read, spotting a nearby sign and making for it, "I thought you said this place is called Mount Maunganui?"

"It is, but Mauao is the Maori name for the mountain," the Doctor said as he followed. Jay had to wince at how bad his own pronunciation of the word had been going by the difference in how the Doctor said it.

Jay moved to read the smaller writing on the sign. "Says here it means _caught by the dawn_."

The Doctor nodded. "In the myth, this mountain was a small, nameless servant to the huge mountain Otanewainuku - which is over _that_ way - and was hopelessly in love with the beautiful mountain Puwhenua. But she was in love with Otanewainuku, so he asked the children of the night to use their magic ropes to pull him to the ocean where he could drown himself."

"Cheery," Jenny remarked, her and Aliya having come to stand behind them.

"Except the night children fled when the sun came up, and the mountain was left stranded here. Hence the name Mauao. Caught by the dawn."

Aliya snorted. "What a load of bullshit."

"Aliya!"

"Oh please, if I had a pound for every bit of mythology I've heard about sentient land masses or objects or gods, I'd have more money than I could ever spend."

"You never spend money-"

"Missing the point, Jenny!"

The Doctor shook his head, vaguely exasperated but also a little amused. "It's just a story. Primitive people like their stories."

"Yeah, like that one about the guy rising from the dead after three days after getting nailed to a cross, I honestly don't know who comes up with that sort of thing-"

Jay frowned at Aliya. "I'm not really sure you can compare the two. You know that whether he rose from the dead or not, Jesus was a real guy who actually existed, right?"

"If you say so," Aliya said, shrugging, "Your planet."

The Doctor clapped his hands together. " _Anyway_ , point is that without this story, the mountain wouldn't have its lovely name. So let's appreciate that, and move on. If my memory serves me correctly, there's an ice cream shop behind us, just across the street and down about ten metres. Come on."

The ice cream shop was called Copenhagen Cones and had freshly made waffle cones. They all indulged in huge ice creams even though they'd just eaten. Jay opted for orange chocolate chip and a rich dark chocolate, Jenny got a coffee flavour and the same chocolate one as Jay, while the Doctor went for strawberry ripple and boysenberry. Aliya's choice, however, was horrific. She got lime, macadamia, and strawberry ripple, topped off with chocolate chips and caramel sauce.

"Ew," Jay said, watching her eat it as they left the shop.

Jenny laughed. "This is what it's like when she has pancakes too. Every topping possible as long as it's sweet."

Aliya shrugged and didn't bother trying to defend herself even though it was obvious she was itching to. She just enjoyed her ice cream and let all three of them talk shit about her problematic dessert choices as much as they liked. They ended up walking to the other end of the street, where on the other side of the stretch of land from the flat bay there was a sandy beach with plenty of waves and even more people stretched out on towels or yelling at each other in the water.

The four of them sat on the grass bank and let their shoes rest on the sand.

"You're right, Dad, this is lovely," Jenny said, hugging him tightly from the side, "Thanks for bringing us here."

Aliya made a noise of agreement from where she had shut her eyes and let her head tilt back to enjoy the warmth of the sun.

"Yeah, thanks," Jay said to the Doctor, who smiled at him.

"You're very welcome."

"Hang on, I've got to snapchat my sister, she said she wanted a look at where I was travelling."

Jay got out his phone, opened the app, and held it up just in time to capture the Doctor stealing some of Aliya's ice cream and her looking at him with great exasperation. He laughed and captioned it _the dumbest geniuses in the galaxy_ and saved it before sending it off.

"Jenny, take a selfie with me to send to my sister," he asked his friend, who happily shuffled a bit closer to him and beamed at the camera. The picture came out beautifully and he saved it before sending it without a caption.

He got a reply a minute later, with a view of the San Francisco waterfront. _I think I know why you like these people, she's cute ;)_ He rolled his eyes and took a picture of the ocean so that he could assure her that Jenny was just a good friend.

All the same, as they walked around part of Mount Maunganui and stopped at a more secluded beach down from the walking track, Jay couldn't help thinking about his friendship with Jenny. He'd been close friends with girls before, platonically _and_ romantically, and in that regard it felt very familiar, but there was also something new about it. Not romantic, of that he was certain, but just _unique_.

It was probably just that Jenny was so singular in herself. She was like a light that brightened everything around her, and drew people of all kinds to her like a moth to a flame. Who wouldn't want to be around someone like her?

"Oi, pretty boy, you still on this planet?"

Jay snapped out of his thoughts to see Jenny - in a blue bikini now that she'd shed the sundress - laughing at him from near the water's edge. He immediately grinned at her and yanked his t-shirt over his head so he could join the others.

"Asks the alien," he retorted as he made his way across the sand.

"I reckon we should do that thing where one of us sits on the other's shoulders and we try and knock each other off," Jenny said thoughtfully, gaze moving to where the Doctor - who was wearing horrific Hawaiian shorts - seemed to be doing his best to coax a reluctant Aliya into deeper water.

"What, you mean like shoulder wars? Or I think some people call it a chicken fight."

"Yeah, that's the one. Thinking about proportions, me on your shoulders and then Aliya on Dad's would probably work the best."

"What are you two muttering about?" The Doctor asked.

"Some friendly competition," his daughter said, pulling Jay into the water, "Me and Jay versus you two. Me on Jay's shoulders and Aliya on yours. What do you think?"

He started grinning, while Aliya's eyebrows had skyrocketed.

"I'm sorry, _what_?"

"It's a game. We try and push each other off." Jenny did her best to look innocent. "Come on, it'll be fun."

"It sounds ridiculous, I'm a-"

"Scaredy cat who's afraid of falling in a bit of water? Or afraid of losing, maybe?"

Aliya's eyes flashed, and a ghost of a smile tilted her lips. "Watch it, young lady. I might be a shitty swimmer but I'm not afraid of losing or falling."

"Prove it."

Jay and the Doctor shared a grin when Aliya's chin lifted and determination sparked in her eye. She put a hand on the latter's shoulder.

"Okay, fine. How do we do this?"

"Like this." Jay dropped below the water so Jenny could settle herself on top of his shoulders before he stood up as much as he was able under her weight.

"Oh stars," Aliya said, right before the Doctor went under the water too. She got on his shoulders, but let out a shriek the moment he lifted her up into the air upon standing. " _Fucking_ hell, this was a mistake, this is a new kind of human _nonsense_."

She grabbed onto the Doctor's hair on what had to have been an anxious reflex. He yelped loudly and she winced upon realising what she'd done. Releasing him, she let herself balance properly.

Jay couldn't help the powerful laughter that shook his body, but Jenny shook with him and she told him to cut it out unless he wanted her to fall off.

"It's okay, I've got you, I won't let you fall," the Doctor was promising Aliya in the meantime, and reassuring her until he added, "At least until Jenny pushes you off. Won't be able to help you there. You've got to get her first, okay?"

Aliya muttered something in agreement and then Jay brought them closer so that the two women could lock arms and start wrestling with each other.

It wasn't much of a fight. Within seconds Jenny's upper body strength won out and Aliya went tumbling off the Doctor's shoulders and into the shallow water with a loud splash. Jenny had nearly lost her balance, but a bit of teamwork with Jay had her mostly stable again. To their surprise, when Aliya came up, she was laughing.

"This is a fantastically stupid game, and I want another go," she said.

They played round after round, Jenny winning every time no matter how close Aliya came, and eventually swapped so Jenny was on her shoulders and Jay on the Doctor's. This time the teams were more even, and trash talking became even more important than the competition itself.

Jenny's strength in the end meant that she stole the tiebreaker, and the men had to admit defeat.

"You'd think that since she was grown from me, I might have the same muscles as her," the Doctor said to Jay, sighing as Jenny celebrated her victory by whooping loudly, "But somehow, that's not the case."

Jay chuckled and clapped him on the shoulder. "Just let her have this one."

The alien man looked at his daughter and smiled. "No problem there." He then made a beeline for Aliya and tried to pull her back into the water. When she refused, he picked her up around the waist and spun her around while she screamed with laughter and no small amount of alien curse words.

Smiling, Jay grabbed his phone and snapped a picture, then took a selfie of himself with the beach in the background and set it as his new profile picture on Facebook. Once that was done he settled himself on his towel and let the sun warm him.

They stayed at the beach for several more hours, before the Doctor eventually suggested thinking about food since it would be dark soon and 'he knew how humans needed to eat constantly'.

Jay couldn't really argue with that. So they made their way back around the Mount until they were at the road where the TARDIS was parked. They dumped the towels but didn't get changed because the Doctor was certain the locals weren't fussy about attire so long as one was clothed in some way.

It was only a short walk to a full stretch of shops and restaurants, and they found a casual one where their clothes and sandy toes didn't put them out of place. Jay was surprised to find a lack of tipping culture when the waitress was very thankful but surprised at being given a tip. He guessed wait staff were actually just paid a living wage and so it wasn't really a problem.

They began the walk back to the TARDIS with full bellies and light hearts. It had been a good day.

"So much food," Jay moaned.

Jenny laughed at him, slinging her arm around his shoulders. "I've never seen one person consume so much garlic bread in one go. It was downright impressive."

"I have," the Doctor said, shuddering, "Ace had a real appetite after she blew something up. And don't even get me started on Adric."

"They sound like my heroes-" Jay started to say, before frowning at something across the street. "Did you guys see that?"

"See what?"

"I...I dunno. I think I'm jumping at shadows now."

"Don't worry, Aliya does that all the time," Jenny said lightheartedly, and Jay noticed for the first time that the older blonde was quiet and tense where she was tucked under the Doctor's arm.

"Scared of the dark?" He guessed. "Even with the street lamps."

"The street lamps are why I'm not screaming my lungs out," Aliya replied tightly, "The joys of irrational phobias."

"My sister's deadly scared of clowns, so I get it, don't worry."

Jenny's head whipped around to look behind them. "Okay, so not to alarm anyone, but I think someone's following us."

Jay glanced behind him. "Shit, I think they're what I saw in the shadows earlier."

"It's probably just someone walking to their car, it's a public street," the Doctor said, frowning, "There's absolutely _no_ reason why anyone here would want to follow us."

"Unless it's a vampire who thinks we look tasty," Jay joked.

Aliya yelped. "Why would you say something like that?! That's not something I want to have to worry about!"

He was totally bemused by her reaction and had to chuckle. "Aliya, it was a joke. This isn't Twilight, vampires aren't real."

"What?" She stared at him incredulously. "Of course they're real. Why would you think they weren't?"

"Because...aliens? Surely vampires can't be real too."

"Unfortunately they are," she said, shuddering, "I've never actually met any, but they're my people's natural enemies, and I'm technically meant to eradicate any I find on sheer principle. The Doctor _has_ encountered vampires before, though."

"More times than I'd care to remember," the Doctor said with a grimace. "But thankfully we're in New Zealand, where the weather changes every few hours and it's sunny most of the time. Any vampires would have to be a bit thick to want to live here. It's just plain dangerous."

"Please tell me you guys are kidding," Jay said weakly, but the look they gave him dashed any last hope of that. He looked at Jenny, who could only give him a hopeless shrug. It seemed it was news to her as well. "This is too much. Aliens I can do, but not vampires. Nope."

"You make a good point about the weather, Doctor, but there's this incredible thing called night time, and so I'm not entirely reassured."

"Aliya, there are not going to be any vampires in this part of New Zealand at this time of year, and there is definitely not one following us." The Doctor looked over his shoulder to be sure. "See, no one there. We were imagining things." Sure enough, when they all looked behind them, the path was clear.

"Huh, guess I was," Jay said. He wasn't half relieved.

They rounded the corner onto the last street and crossed the road, and they all started thanking the Doctor for a truly lovely day when the TARDIS came into view and they came to a halt.

There was a group of five standing in front of the box, their pale skin glinting in the light from the nearby street lamp. All but one had red hair, and none of them looked friendly. One was leaning against the TARDIS door and she cocked an eyebrow at the four travellers.

"Oh shit," Aliya breathed.

"Time Lord," the woman against the door said, pushing away and stepping closer, "What an unpleasant surprise."

The Doctor was solemn as he eyed her. His expression was uncharacteristically cold. "I could say the same. In fact, I will. What are you doing here?"

"We _live_ here," she snarled, baring pointed incisors.

"Creepy, pale, hostile, knows about Time Lords, and now the fangs," the Doctor said, making a face, "Well, Jay, it seems you were right after all."

"That is not even _remotely_ reassuring."

* * *

 **Yes, vampires ARE a canon part of the Whoniverse! It's been so much fun writing them just because Time Lords and vampires hate each other so much. They're all so salty and I live for it.**

 **Let me know what you thought! I know this was 98% fun/fluff but we're getting stuck in with the storyline next chapter.**

 **-MayFairy :)**


	13. The Living Mountains: Vampires

**Thanks to OptimisticLady for suggesting dropping some True Blood references. This one's for you. *blows kiss***

 **Note: while this particular group of vampires are completely my own invention, all the vampire stuff discussed in this chapter is totally canon within the Whoniverse.**

* * *

With little room to put up much of a fight, the four travellers were taken to a nearby van and shoved inside. Each had a vampire next to them to ensure they didn't try anything.

"Where are you taking us?" Jenny asked them.

"Our place," said the only vampire who wasn't a redhead. "Near Oropi."

"Shut it, Jackson," the leader snapped. "They're not from here, they aren't going to have any idea where that is."

"What's your name?" The Doctor inquired, his deep frown easing a little as he gave into pleasantries.

"Jenadene," she replied haughtily. "And that's enough questions."

"That's a shame, I like questions. Still, I can go without. Vampire coven in Tauranga, definitely didn't see that coming. I wonder how long you've been here. A while, since he's got the accent and you don't, you've had enough time to expand-"

"Shut it!" Jenadene barked. He made a face but did as he was told.

They drove the rest of the way in silence, and Jay was tempted to check his phone to find out the time, but was afraid of getting it taken off him. By the time the van came to a stop, he guessed they'd been driving over twenty minutes based on the number of songs he'd hummed under his breath to pass the time.

"I didn't even know Dad was capable of keeping quiet so long," Jenny said, looking rather impressed. "Aliya, how long was that?"

"Hey!" Her father protested.

"Twenty three minutes and nineteen seconds, if we're going from when Jenadene told him to shut up until just then," Aliya told her as she climbed out of the van.

"How-" Jay started to ask, only for her to interrupt him.

"And you should be trying to work it out for yourself, Jenny, it's not that hard."

"Silence," Jenadene commanded. "Get them inside, and tie them up."

They had pulled up outside a huge Tudor style house, which they were ungraciously marched into. The living room was filled with vampires lounging around, the six of them perking up when the five from the van came in with their prisoners. The number of those with the same shade of dark red hair was still high - about half of the group as a whole. Jay wondered if there was a reason for that.

The windows they were languishing in front of were completely boarded up just like all the others in the house, meaning Jay was sure that even if it had been the middle of the day, it would have done nothing for the lack of light. Only a tacky chandelier lit up the room.

Their hands were bound behind them and they were shoved to sit in a circle at the center of the room with their backs to each other. The way Jenadene and several of the others hovered reminded Jay of circling sharks.

"Jenadene, was it true?" A new vampire entered the room, an androgynous figure with hair as red as hers. By the way the vampires by the windows straightened up, the newcomer was an authority.

"I brought them, didn't I? Why would I bring humans, Tris?"

Tris narrowed their eyes and crouched in front of the Doctor. "We heard that the Time Lords were all dead."

"Sorry to disappoint," the Doctor said, and although Jay couldn't quite see his face, he sounded like he was smirking. "I always was a fairly rubbish Time Lord."

Tris inhaled deeply and glanced at Aliya. "Hm. Two of you. No, wait-" They moved around the circle and took a whiff of Jenny. "And a half? What are you, little one?"

"Get away from her," Aliya snapped.

Tris looked at her with vague amusement and no small amount of derision. "You know, I'd hoped that when I finally met some Time Lords, they would be a little more impressive."

"That's alright, I'd hoped you were a little more extinct," Aliya said with a venomous sweetness.

"So two and a half Time Lords, and a human," Tris summarised, kicking Jay absently. "An interesting company."

"Oh, wait, so you're from the same planet as the Doctor," Jay said to Aliya.

Aliya turned her head to give him a confused look. "Well, yes. Did we not mention that? Where did you _think_ I was from?"

" _I_ don't know, some other planet? It's not like I'd have known it anyway, so I figured there wasn't much point in asking."

"Fair point," she admitted, "But no." Her head turned back to the vampires and her tone darkened. "I'm the last living Time Lady of Gallifrey, which is why just looking at these disgusting creatures makes me feel sick."

"I thought Time Lords are supposed to have manners," Jenadene drawled, examining her nails.

"Only when we're addressing _people_."

 _Ouch,_ Jay thought, half with amusement and half with shock. It was strange hearing such an intolerance from someone who had only ever been immensely friendly to him.

"You have a lot of nerve for someone who is at our mercy and would snap like a twig in my hand," Tris told her, gripping her chin. Jay couldn't quite see Aliya's face but it seemed like she was steadfast in her defiance.

"Try it and see what happens," she said, "I can guarantee it would be _explosive_."

The Doctor snapped, "Aliya, you have no idea what they're capable of because you've never actually fought or even met vampires before, please _stop_ antagonising them."

"They didn't need to know that," she muttered.

 _How the hell do these guys not end up dead every time they leave their spaceship, if one of them never takes anything seriously and the other one tries to fight anyone who gets on her bad side?_ Jay wondered with amazement. _Jenny is the only sane one here and she's four years old._

"The great one will be pleased," Jenadene said to Tris, who nodded.

"The great one? Do you guys have a king or queen like in True Blood?" Jay asked with great interest.

Jackson barked out a laugh while the others look confused. "Does this look like Louisiana, kid? That TV show is an oversexed piece of crap."

"So no chance of meeting an awesome Swedish viking vampire then."

"Nope, just unimpressive Kiwi ones," the Doctor said.

"Watch it, Time Lord."

"I'm surrounded by idiots with a death wish," Jenny lamented, to herself more than anyone else, and with a loud sigh.

"Will the big guy give us a reward for bringing him Time Lords?" Jackson asked Tris and Jenadene. "Also, um, what actually _are_ Time Lords?"

"Spot the newbie," the Doctor murmured.

"Time Lords are the destroyers of our forefathers, the Great Vampires," Jenadene said to Jackson, scowling at the Gallifreyans in question, "They are near immortals, but not in the same way we are. They rule over time like stagnant aristocrats."

"Not _like_ stagnant aristocrats, we just _were_ stagnant aristocrats," Aliya corrected.

 _What a self drag_ , Jay thought, almost chuckling.

Jenadene, meanwhile, ignored her interruption. "Hundreds of millennia ago, in the Dark Times, there was a war, a war between the Great Vampires and the Time Lords. Our forefathers were wiped out. Our people and the Time Lords have been enemies ever since, bent on each other's destruction."

"I should probably warn you that I've met your kind before, a lot of times," the Doctor said, in that tone of voice of his that was casual yet somehow dangerous. "I walked away. They didn't."

"I'm shaking in my boots," Tris said wryly.

"Are you from the Forge? Did you run away to New Zealand to escape Nimrod?"

"The Forge?" Jenadene asked at the same time Tris repeated, "Nimrod?" They were wearing equally confused looks.

"You know, used to call himself William Abberton. Back in 1911, starting creating a bunch of vampires with a virus made from a strand of vampire DNA. Some of them escaped and he started hunting them down, calling himself Nimrod-" The Doctor frowned at them. "You have no idea what I'm talking about, do you?"

"We're not science experiments," Jenadene snarled, "We were created naturally, the way we are _meant_ to be created. This is the first we've heard of any _Nimrod_."

"Well, that's good, it means he probably never heard of you either. Though I have to ask, how long have you been here?"

"Longer than the youngest of our coven can yet comprehend," Tris answered, glancing at Jackson and a girl who was sitting near him.

"They're not very chatty, are they?" The Doctor mused, eyeing the other vampires who had been silent but attentive through the whole exchange. "Jackson excepted."

"They know their place," Tris said, shrugging.

"Charming," Jenny remarked.

"So, to clarify, he's killed a bunch of our kind but we…aren't worried?" Jackson asked his superiors.

"We're under the Great One's protection," said one of the redheads by the window nearest to Jay.

"Even if we didn't have the big guy towering over us, I'm not afraid of some guy in a bow tie and his mates, even if he is some Lord of Time," a blonde near Jackson argued.

" _Do not_ underestimate the Time Lords, especially the one who claims to have killed our kind," Tris told them firmly, "But we would be perfectly capable of dealing with them even without the Great One."

"Why do some of you say 'the Great One' while others just say 'big guy'?" Jenny asked. "I mean, if you're trying to scare us, big guy is a bit underwhelming."

A bizarre look of resignation crossed Jenadene's face. It reminded Jay of the look his mother would get when she had to explain to someone about something stupid he or Evy had done. "Let's just call it…generational differences."

"Generational differences?" The Doctor sounded amused.

"It's not like we call him that to his face," Jackson said, before apparently reconsidering his choice of words and adding, "Not that he has a face."

"He doesn't have a face?!" Jay exclaimed. "What kind of person doesn't a face?"

"I don't think they ever used the word person," Jenny pointed out.

"And yet I'm hearing a _he_ ," Aliya said, tilting her head.

Tris rolled their eyes. "You of all people, Time _Lord_ , should know that sometimes gendered pronouns are indicative of little more than abstract concepts."

"Obviously," she retorted. "Though one can also say Time _Lady_."

"I really don't care."

"What do Time Lords taste like?" The blonde by Jackson asked, a sort of wistfulness in her question.

While the four travellers on the floor tensed up at the question, Jenadene chuckled and put her arm around Tris' waist. "I don't know. But I suppose we'll find out."

"Don't even think about it," the Doctor said flatly.

"Over my dead body," Aliya added.

Tris sneered. "That _is_ rather the idea. But you won't be alive to deal with the humiliation of becoming our snack, if it's any consolation."

"Oh yes, that's completely reassuring," the Doctor said sarcastically.

"I thought vampires tended to prefer drinking from _living_ people," Jay mused, "Though to be fair, I'm basing my assumptions off True Blood. Which, by the way, was a _great_ show, for at least the first four and a half seasons."

"Living is preferable, but a fresh corpse is perfectly agreeable," Tris told him, "The Great One absorbs the life force of those we bring to him, and then we are free to drink from them once they are dead. That is our way. And tonight, he will be nourished by Time Lords and look on us with substantial favour."

"Who is this Great One? Not a Great Vampire," the Doctor said, a little warily.

"Of course not." Jenadene rolled her eyes. "But our master nonetheless."

He snorted. "So what, some big bad has you lot under his thumb and has got you bringing him sacrifices like lapdogs who are allowed his scraps? The vampires _I've_ met would never be so obedient to someone who isn't their own kind."

"He's not really our master, it's a partnership," Jackson interrupted, crossing his arms, "We're just not stupid enough to get on the bad side of a sentient mountain that could probably wipe out the entire country in half an hour if he wanted to."

"Wait, _what_?!" All four time travellers yelped in perfect unison.

"When Sophie said 'towering over us', that wasn't a figure of speech," he said, chuckling at the bewildered alarm on their faces.

"Hold on, Oropi, that's near-" The Doctor paused. "No. That can't be possible. It's just mythology."

"Every idea comes from somewhere," Jenadene said, shrugging.

"Otanewainuku," he breathed, "You're talking about Otanewainuku. _He's_ your 'Great One', isn't he? It's real, the myth is real. You, you're the Patupaiarehe, the children of the night, that dragged Mauao to the ocean."

"Holy shit," Jay said at the same time Aliya said, "For fuck's sake."

"He's quick," Jenadene murmured to Tris, eyebrow up, "But then they were always advertised as such. And it's not going to help him."

"The myth said magic ropes," Jenny pointed out, "What was it really?"

"Magna-clamps, from our ship," Tris told them, grinning, "But when we were telling the story to the Polynesians who turned up a good deal of centuries later, _magic ropes_ sounded a bit more appropriate."

"They thought you were fairies, or something similar," the Doctor said, frowning, "The Patupaiarehe: pale, red hair, sometimes hostile to humans, reclusive. Don't eat food. Afraid of fire. Children of the night. Makes sense. You said 'generational differences' and only those of you with red hair call Otanewainuku the Great One. You lot were the originals, the ones from the myth. Jackson and the others came later."

"You said ship," Aliya noticed, "So you...what? Crashed here, centuries ago?"

"We fell through time and space when our attempt to flee a pursuing Time Lord went wrong," Tris explained, "Ended up on this tiny island on the homeworld of our human ancestors, with a dead ship."

"What's with the red hair? Why do you all have it? Are you originals all related?" Jenny asked.

Tris and Jenadene shared a weighted smirk that made Jay really _hope_ they weren't related. "We came from a colony that favoured it for reasons forgotten by the time we were born."

"A human colony."

"Of course. No one comes into this universe a vampire. It is something you become."

"So you're vampires from the future who crash landed in the past and became part of Earth mythology by helping out a suicidal sentient mountain," Jay summarised, "And just to clarify, no one has slipped drugs into my food."

Jackson laughed. "I like this one, Trinadene. Can we keep him?"

"No," Jenadene said, glaring, "And _don't_ call us that."

Tris smiled and pressed the lightest of kisses to her cheek. "I don't know. I think I'm starting to like it. Even if it has taken over ten years for it to grow on me."

"Hmph." Jenadene didn't seem convinced until Tris pulled her in for a proper kiss.

"Oh for star's sake, it's bad enough we have to be your prisoners, but you're going to start doing _that_ , I'd rather you hurry up and get on with sacrificing us to the fucking mountain," Aliya said loudly.

"Try having to _live_ with them," Jackson muttered, "You'd think after being together for centuries, the spark would die down a bit and we wouldn't get an eyeful all the time."

"I mean, goals?" Jay said sheepishly.

"Don't _compliment_ them, Jay!" Jenny said, an odd laugh escaping her lips. "They're about to sacrifice us and drink our blood."

"Honestly, Jenny, I'm really just trying to not think about that, okay?"

"I've got a question," the Doctor said, drawing eye rolls from Tris and Jenadene, "Meant to ask back in the van but _somebody_ told me to shut up. How did you know we were here in the first place? It had to have been something to do with the TARDIS."

"Of course," Tris replied primly, "We knew a Time Lord turning up in our territory was always possible. We had no intention of being caught off guard, and so as technology has developed here, we've been able to build a device that will alert us to the arrival of any TARDIS within a hundred kilometres. With the other parts from our wrecked ship, of course."

"Resourceful of you."

"Save your compliments."

"Why are we just sitting here instead of doing to see Otanewainuku?" Aliya asked tiredly. "Not that I'm in a hurry to die, I just can't see the point in our sitting here having a good old chat."

"He prefers to feed at midnight," Jenadene said with a shrug.

"Of course he does," Jay murmured.

An odd laugh left the Doctor's mouth. "Well, you learn something new every day, I suppose, I just didn't expect today's lesson to be about the preferred mealtimes of a sentient mountain."

"He's not _actually_ a mountain," Jenadene said, "It's just their chosen form."

"They being him, Puwhenua, and Mauao. Do you bring them food as well as old Otane here?"

"Mauao's not had anything to eat since they left him on the shore," Jackson said, chuckling, "He'll just be a glorified chunk of rock by now. But Puwhenua, yeah."

"So if they're not mountains, what are they?" Jay asked.

The young vampire shrugged. "Big ass alien things that crash landed here way before Trinadene and the others did. Nearly died out from starvation because no one was living here yet. That's why there's only three left. We don't know any of the details, though. They're not exactly chatty by nature."

"That's enough talk," Tris said sharply, "They're about to die, giving them all this information is pointless. Just keep an eye on them until we return to take them to the Great One."

With that, they left with their lover, and several of the others - who had not bothered to speak up the whole time - skulked out of the room as well. Only six vampires remained. Jackson was one of them.

"So, we're about to be sacrificed to a mountain, by vampires," Jay said to his friends, just to be sure he wasn't dreaming. He knew he had to stop being surprised by things like this, but it just kept getting more and more absurd.

"Well, technically a colossal alien life form that's taken the shape of a mountain, but yes, that's essentially it."

" _Great_."

"How long until we'll be leaving?" The Doctor asked Jackson.

"A few hours. It doesn't take too long to get there."

"You should feel proud, really, that you'll be the one to finally succeed in holding me captive and killing me," he told the vampire. "I have a significant history of getting out of this sort of thing, but house full of vampires? Even _I'm_ not that good."

Unless the Doctor had suddenly grown a dozen new humble bones in his otherwise fairly arrogant body, Jay got the feeling his friend was bluffing. Which was reassuring, since it implied he either had a plan to get out or was confident he could come up with one in time.

"I've slain a Great Vampire, you know," the Doctor said casually.

Jackson stared at him. "You can't have. They died out long before our time."

"It was in E-Space, not here."

"E-Space?" Jay, Jenny and Jackson asked at the same time.

"Smaller universe that works in negative coordinates in relation to ours," Aliya said. "That's not the point. The point is, the Doctor and Romanadvoratrelundar - future president of Gallifrey - went in there, met some vampires, and destroyed their great one. A real great one, that is. Not some sentient mountain with delusions of grandeur."

"Otanewainuku's power is no delusion," Jackson told her.

"I'll believe it when I see it."

"Romanadvorate-what?" Jay's tongue failed to replicate the name. "Was that a _name_? Of an actual person?"

"Romanadvoratrelundar, star student of the Academy, companion to the Doctor, President of Gallifrey. Romana for short. Who do you think told me the story? Not this idiot," Aliya said, nodding towards the Doctor, "He's oddly quiet when it comes to some of his more impressive achievements."

"She wanted to be called Fred, when we were first brought together to find the Key to Time," the Doctor said, chuckling, "Said she didn't like Romana."

"Fred, President of Gallifrey," Jenny laughed, "That's got a nice ring to it."

"So, have a lot of people travelled with you in the past then, Doctor?" Jay asked. An odd snort left Aliya's lips.

"Er, quite a few, yes," the Doctor said.

"How many?"

"Um. Well, dozens, really."

"Jesus, you get around, don't you?" Jay felt his eyebrows nearly disappear into his hairline. "What happened to all these people, anyway? Did they all just get bored of space and time travel one day?"

"Some of them," the Doctor replied, his voice tight.

"Sensitive subject," Aliya whispered to Jay, "If he doesn't say what happened to someone, I tend to not ask."

"...I guess you did warn me that this could be dangerous."

"Well, we're tied up in a room full of vampires. Is that dangerous enough for you?"

"I mean, my requirements are pretty low."

"You're giving me a headache," a heavy-set vampire in the corner said, "I should have known that aristocrats would never shut up."

"I'm a musician/waiter, not a fancy alien aristocrat."

"Exactly, and I could probably get away with drinking you dry here since we're bringing the big guy the others, so if I were you, I'd shut up," he told him, eyes flashing.

Jay gulped and did exactly that. The next couple of hours passed sluggishly, with the Gallifreyans falling uncharacteristically quiet. It was actually extremely unnerving, being so close to the Doctor that their shoulders were touching but not hearing him speak. He just seemed to be sitting there with his eyes shut, breathing evenly.

Jay was almost asleep when he felt the Doctor's fingers tapping against the tips of his where they were confined behind their backs. It was a tap of three beats, more drawn out each time. Jay tensed, realising he must be about to act and that it was going to be on a count of three.

Of course he didn't know _which_ count of three it was going to be. On the ninth count of three - which Jay considered made some kind of mathematical sense - the Doctor and Aliya sprung into action at the same time, both of them leaping up with no trouble since their hands were now unbound.

While Jay gaped and the vampires also jumped to their feet, Aliya pulled a large lamp out of her pocket - a lamp too large to actually fit in a jacket pocket, but Jay couldn't wonder about that at the moment - and handed it to the Doctor immediately as she yanked Jay and Jenny up.

"The door, now," she said urgently.

They all made for the door, with the Doctor bringing up the rear by holding out the lamp. For some reason the vampires shied away from the faintly purple light.

"It's ultraviolet," Jay realised out loud.

"Perfect for vampires," the Doctor agreed, "Or fake ones that are actually alien fish."

"What?"

"Doctor-"

"Though maybe this isn't the time for that story."

Thankfully, the lobby was empty and they were able to go straight for the outer door, with the vampires close behind. Jay, Jenny and Aliya hurried through it while the Doctor stayed at the door. In the narrow space, he could keep the vampires from getting any further.

"What now?" Jay asked once they got outside.

"Get in the back of the van," Aliya told him and Jenny. Sure enough, that van that had brought them here was sitting only about five metres away from the door. Which was all well and good, but -

"We don't have the keys," he said, even as Jenny yanked him towards the vehicle.

The Doctor laughed from where he was standing his ground in the doorway. "Keys are for vehicles you own, or borrow. We're stealing it."

"Then why do you have a key to the TARDIS, Dad?" Jenny called back, grinning.

"I borrowed it!" The Doctor retorted. "And hurry up, some of them have gone around the back of the house, we're only protected on this side, we haven't got long."

"You won't escape," Jackson snarled at him.

"I told you, I _always_ escape."

Jay and Jenny pulled back the van's sliding back door and clambered inside. Aliya had meanwhile gone around the other side of the car, thrown open the driver's door, and dove for the circuitry beneath the steering wheel. Her hands moved quickly and without hesitation.

"Hotwiring, nice," Jenny said with approval. "Mine could use some work, you should teach me some time."

"Keep that door open so the Doctor can make a run for it," Aliya replied briskly, not surfacing from her work.

"Hurry up!" The Doctor shouted. "They'll be on us any second now!"

"Don't rush me!"

Despite her words, two seconds later the engine flared into life and she pulled herself up into the driver's seat and gripped the wheel. For a moment the car didn't move, and Aliya swore, but then it jumped forward.

"Doctor!" Jay shouted. "Come on!"

The Doctor made a break for it, doing his best to keep the lamp pointed behind him. The vampires were still forced to keep their distance but were all too close for everyone's liking.

"Get ready to close that door!" He told them, and made a leap for the moving vehicle. He only just made the jump, landing awkwardly and hitting the floor and opposite door with a wince.

Jay and Jenny slammed the door shut in the face of several vampires while Aliya sped them out of the driveway and back onto the road, taking a right and speeding up since the vampires were still pursuing them. As the car gained velocity, the vampires began to disappear into the distance and they could start to relax.

"I don't mean to alarm anyone," Aliya said mildly, "But if someone who actually knows how to drive could take the wheel, that would be great."

"You don't know how to drive?!" Jay and Jenny exclaimed.

"I'm a TARDIS mechanic from a planet that mostly relied on internal teleports, give me some credit!" She retorted. "I'm intelligent enough to operate a primitive piece of transport. But not particularly well and _more importantly_ I don't know the local road rules so if somebody could _please_ take over so that we don't crash into another car, I'd appreciate it!" Panic was creeping into her voice and her hands were white knuckled on the steering wheel.

"I can't drive," Jay said, wincing.

"Me neither," Jenny added. "Well, I mean, same as you, I could probably work out the basics but don't know the road rules or anything-"

The Doctor clambered into the passenger seat. "I'll take the wheel, Aliya. Get in the back." He grabbed the wheel and she awkwardly did her best to weasel her way past him and into the back, ending up on the floor and rubbing her knee where she landed on it. The Doctor slid into the driver's seat properly and took over the driving with considerably more ease.

"So, you can hotwire a car but not drive it," Jay asked Aliya, grinning.

"Space and time travel is fun that way," she muttered, but when he glanced at her she was smiling with what appeared to be amusement.

"So...vampires," Jenny said a moment later.

"Don't even get me started," Jay replied, "I'd rather we forget that ever happened."

"If only it were that easy," Aliya said darkly. "But we can't let them keep sacrificing people to these mountains. This is far from over."

"Oh, right. Good point."

* * *

 **This is so...not where I wanted to end the chapter, but the lengths were way too uneven otherwise.**

 **Thanks for reading, let me know what you thought!**

 **-MayFairy :)**


	14. The Living Mountains: Next (Bad) Move

**I'm really sorry for the wait, Class (more specifically, Miss Quill) took over my entire life. I've been reluctant to use the backlog because it helps with my editing, but you guys deserve an update, so here you go!**

 **To refresh: They just escaped from the vampires who they learnt serve Otanewainuku and Puwhenua, the mountains from Maori mythology who are actually huge alien lifeforms.**

* * *

" _So...vampires."_

" _Don't even get me started. I'd rather we forget that ever happened."_

" _If only it were that easy," Aliya said darkly. "But we can't let them keep sacrificing people to these mountains. This is far from over."_

" _Oh, right. Good point."_

"But what if we make them angry and they take out the whole country?" Jenny asked.

"I highly doubt they're actually capable of that."

"Never underestimate anyone, Aliya," the Doctor said firmly, "Rule number seventy three. Jenny, I want you to scan the area for life signs. We should still be able to detect Big Fella."

He searched in his pockets for the sonic only to come up empty.

"I can't find it!"

An odd look crossed Aliya's face. "Oh, actually, I thought I felt something earlier-" She reached into her own jacket pocket and sure enough pulled out the sonic screwdriver.

"How did _that_ get in _your_ jacket?" The Doctor asked.

Aliya just shrugged. "No idea." She handed the sonic to Jenny, who was rolling her eyes at them but also quick to take it and get it going.

"Oh jeez, yeah, there he is," Jenny said, making a face, "They weren't kidding." Aliya leaned closer to look at the readings, and visibly paled before sinking back into her seat.

"That bad, huh?" Jay asked.

She nodded and shut her eyes tiredly. "I'm too old for this shit," she muttered, massaging one of her temples the way Jay could remember his mother doing many times.

"Rubbish, you don't look a day over eight hundred," the Doctor said with a grin.

Her eyes didn't open but her lips quirked. "Sweet talker."

Jay blanched at that. "Do I even _want_ to know how old you two really are?"

"Probably not. Let's put it this way: there's a more or less two hundred year gap between the two of us and yet we'd be considered practically the same age if our society were still around."

"You're right, I didn't want to know that," Jay said, but found himself chuckling. "That _is_ kind of amazing. You just...don't age? Like vampires?"

"Bit more complicated than that, but this isn't the time to explain," the Doctor said, "It's not always the easiest thing for humans to get their heads around."

"And that doesn't sound ominous at all," Jay said mildly.

"It's not _that_ bad," Jenny assured him.

"If we could get back to the problem at hand," the Doctor asked, fixing them with a pointed look in the rear view mirror. "If Mauao's alive too, maybe we can communicate with him."

"What would that achieve? And didn't the vampires say he was essentially dead?"

"They were assuming, it didn't sound like they'd ever bothered to check. And at this point, we're lacking in information. There's a slim chance Mauao might be able to give us some. If we want to stop what Otanewainuku is doing, Mauao might want to help, since there's likely not any love lost between them."

"If he's dormant, how can he help?" Jay asked.

"Also, he's just like them, he has no reason to want to stop the sacrifices even if he could," Aliya added, "Which as Jay's pointed out, he almost definitely can't."

The Doctor threw his hands up in exasperation. "I still thinking talking to him could be helpful." The van started to veer towards the centre line.

"Get your hands back on that fucking wheel and we can do whatever the fuck you want!" Aliya shouted, making Jay jump a mile.

The Doctor winced. "Sorry!" His hands returned to the wheel and brought them back left and away from a red Subaru that no doubt had briefly held some worried inhabitants. "I forget this kind of vehicle needs constant attention."

"Clearly," Aliya said.

"I know for a fact you've made the exact same mistake, Aliya, so you hardly have the moral high ground here."

Her cheeks flushed. "I should never have told you about that."

"What happened? When was this?" Jenny asked.

"Taking my hands off the wheel was only the cause of the third out of six near collisions that night," Aliya said with a groan, "The lack of knowing the road rules being four and my still working out how to use the damn contraption being the first."

Jay stared at her with horror. "Why were you doing it? Please tell me it was the only way to get away from evil aliens."

"I was rescuing some teenagers in dire need of my help," Aliya replied, "Which was certainly worth the risk of stealing the car and doing my best to drive it."

"Hotwiring again? How many cars have you stolen?"

Aliya made a face. "Okay, borrowed without permission might be a better term. I was staying with the owner at the time and she was close with the teenagers in question, it wasn't as bad as that sounded. And I used the _keys_."

"Not as bad as borrowing a TARDIS and not having given it back a good thousand years later," Jenny said with a grin.

"Well it's not like there's anywhere to return it to now, is there?" The Doctor said hotly. "Besides, it was from the scrapyard, she was only going to end up in a museum. I liberated her. Well, actually, in her words, _she_ stole _me_ by leaving her doors unlocked so I'd choose her."

"In her words? She's a spaceship," Jay said, dubious.

"Well, there was this one time that she was put in a human body," he said, shrugging, "She had quite a lot to say, as you can imagine."

"Wait a minute, _what_? When was _this_?!" Jenny exclaimed.

"Oh, you were in Cardiff. And it was right before we caught onto that whole mess with Kovarian and the ganger technology," her father said, making a face, "We had a lot of other concerns by the time I saw you next."

"Still, you've had plenty of time to mention it since."

"His mind is like a sieve, to be fair," Aliya said.

"And what about yours?"

"That was a horrific time for me, I try to block most of it out. And I didn't get to talk to her much when it happened, I was stuck in the TARDIS - the box - and busy hallucinating for most of it."

Jay felt entirely too overwhelmed by all the things they were mentioning that were going right over his head, and tuned out the rest of their discussion for the remainder of the journey. When they finally arrived back at Mount Maunganui and parked on the mostly deserted street near edge of the bay, Jay could only eye Mauao with new wariness as he got out of the van. It was all too unnerving to consider that the mountain might be looking back at him.

"They'll expect us to come back here, we need to hide in the TARDIS until it's light out," the Doctor said, glancing around nervously. "Come on, back inside."

It was a relief to enter the sanctuary of the TARDIS. Jay wasn't sure when it had become that, a place of safety and comfort, but it had. It wasn't home to him like it obviously was to the others, but it was fast becoming something close.

"You should probably get some sleep," Aliya said to Jay, putting her hand on his shoulder and giving him a look that was all too familiar.

"You looked _just_ like my mom when you said that," he replied, shaking his head. Her eyebrows went up before she chuckled a moment later. "But yeah, you're probably right."

"I usually am."

The Doctor snorted. "Unless you're tragically wrong."

"Shut up, you."

Jay knew that if he got involved in their argument he would be there for another half an hour, and so said a quick goodnight to all of them before heading for the stairs.

* * *

When he woke up, Jay got dressed into fresh clothes and headed to the nearest kitchen to try and find some breakfast before going to look for the others. He caught the smell of pancakes coming out of the door and walked in to find Aliya and Jenny at the counter eating pancakes while the Doctor moved around the kitchen.

"Jay! You're up!" Jenny said when she saw him, her face lighting up.

"Morning," Aliya said with a bright smile before going back to her pancakes. Jay would have never before this moment known how to describe a 'ravenous aristocrat", but now had a front row seat. Her use of the cutlery was perfect and her mouth was firmly shut as she chewed, but she was still practically _inhaling_ the food.

"You weren't kidding about her and pancakes," Jay said to Jenny with a lifted eyebrow, and took another look at Aliya's plate and the variety of toppings that had congealed from what was probably once a mass of pretty colours into a sludgy mess. "Yuck."

"Not yuck, _amazing_ ," Aliya said after swallowing her latest mouthful.

She looked over her shoulder at the Doctor, who had moved around the counter and was watching her with great amusement and no shortage of fondness. She said something to him in that language that the TARDIS didn't translate, and he just grinned and gave a short reply, dipping his head to kiss the top of hers and Jenny's in turn as he returned to the kitchen area.

"So, Jay, what's your pancake topping of choice?" The Doctor asked him cheerfully. "We've got maple syrup, golden syrup, chocolate sauce, lemon and sugar, multiple fruits-"

"Lemon and sugar, please," Jay said, glancing between the mass layout of toppings and Aliya's plate suspiciously, "I'm basic."

"Not basic, _classic_ ," his friend said with a grin and a thumbs up. He took the bowl of lemon and sugar and began using it to artfully cover the last plate of pancakes before handing it to Jay with a flourish. "Your pancakes, my dear sir."

Jay put his plate opposite Jenny's, standing opposite where she was sitting. "Thanks. I thought I was just going to end up sneaking cereal."

"Not a chance."

* * *

Once they were all well fed and ready for the new day, they left the TARDIS. The hot sun of New Zealand May - Jay had only been on board the TARDIS for a month, but three months had passed for Earth, apparently - beat down on them and the Doctor was quick to pull out his aviators again. He still looked ridiculous but Jay held back any comments when the Time Lord pulled out pairs of sunglasses for everyone else as well.

The Doctor used the sonic to scan Mauao, and his eyebrows went up. "Hmm. I think the vampires have underestimated our little friend here."

"What do you mean?" Jenny asked.

"Well, Jackson seemed pretty sure he'd be nothing but a glorified rock by now. But there's definitely life signs. He's dormant, definitely, and weak. But he's alive."

"But how could he be, if they've not been bringing people to feed off?"

For a moment the Doctor hesitated, but then his eyes lit up. "Alright, consider this. Mauao is by water, by rocks and tides and currents and all those things that are unfortunately quite dangerous to humans who can get caught up in them." His hands started gesturing wildly. "What if, Mauao managed to cling onto life somehow, just barely, all this time until people started coming here over the last couple of hundred years. And then someone dies, they drown or have an unlucky fall or a heart attack or _something_ , and Mauao realises he can take their life force because it's already leaving. And he keeps doing it, getting his strength back until maybe he can even take it from the healthy people too."

"But if that many people were dying here, someone would have noticed," Jay said. "This country doesn't even have five million people, I'd bet virtually every unnatural death gets reported."

"He would still be careful, taking people on their own at night, letting people assume they fell and drowned or something," the Doctor said, "Slowly building up his strength. He's not as big as the other two by a long shot, I doubt he needs as much sustenance. And by staying dormant otherwise, he'd be using virtually none of the life force he was gaining."

"But this is just a theory," Jenny clarified.

"Well, yes, but I think I'm right."

"Do you really think we can try and talk to him?" Aliya eyed the mountain dubiously.

"What language would it even speak? Will the TARDIS translate?" Jay asked them.

The Doctor gave Jay a funny smile. "At a guess, it probably wouldn't be _verbal_ talking. Our best shot would be trying to communicate telepathically and hoping he talks to us."

"Us being you and Aliya," Jenny said, sighing, "Right?"

Her father gave her an apologetic look. "Well, basically, yes. Sorry."

"How long will it take? And will you actually need us at all?" Another sheepish look told all. "Then what are we supposed to do?"

"This is a top holiday spot, I'm sure you can think of something," the Doctor said, his attention back on the screwdriver already, making his daughter huff. "I know walking to the top of the Mount is supposed to be worth the view."

Aliya rolled her eyes and moved closer to him so that she could dug in his pockets for a couple of twenty dollar bills. The Doctor paid her no mind, his eyes not deviating from the sonic for even a moment.

"Here, knock yourselves out," she said to Jay and Jenny as she handed the money over, "Sorry about all this."

"It's not your fault my telepathy sucks," Jenny muttered.

Aliya put her hands on Jenny's shoulders and looked her dead in the eye. "It's underdeveloped and mostly untrained, Jenny. There's a big difference. It's not _your_ fault there's no longer an academy where you could learn from proper experts. You're just going to have to do what you can with what your dad and I can teach you."

"Yeah, I know," Jenny said, biting her lip. She did look a little happier from the reassurance. "Okay, well, best of luck. Text me when you're done."

"Will do. I'm not sure how long it's going to take, though. Hours, possibly."

"Uh, yeah, good luck," Jay told her and the Doctor as Jenny began to walk in the direction of the ice cream shop. "See you later!"

Once they'd bought their sweet treats, Jay and Jenny headed for the main beach and walked along the water's edge, carrying their shoes in their free hand and letting the water wash over their feet as they ate their ice creams.

"You okay?" Jenny asked Jay.

"It's just, this is so normal," Jay said, frowning, "Ice creams and the beach and all that. And they're off trying to telepathically communicate with a _mountain_ that is actually an _alien_."

Jenny grinned. "I did try to tell you that things get a bit crazy with us."

He ended up laughing. "Well, yeah, you were right. And for some reason, I wouldn't want things any other way."

They walked up the Mount next, which wasn't the easiest task considering that Jay was still quite unfit despite all the running he'd been doing since he'd met Jenny. She laughed at his struggle but not unkindly.

When they finally got to the top, he took a strategic selfie with Jenny that put the beautiful view of the ocean and buildings below behind their heads.

"That's a great picture," Jenny said.

Jay smiled. "Yeah, it is. You mind if I put it on my facebook?"

"No, go for it."

"I'm guessing you don't have one."

"You guess right."

Jay posted it on his facebook with the caption, ' _New Zealand is gorgeous, but even the small mountains aren't quite as easy to conquer as you might think_ '. Jenny read over his shoulder as he did so.

"That wouldn't be a reference to the whole Otanewainuku problem, would it?" Jenny asked with a grin.

Jay laughed. "Maybe. Thought it was best to not mention the vampires."

She laughed too, and there was something so brilliant about how her face looked in that moment, with the sun caught in her hair, that Jay snapped a quick picture.

"Did you just take a picture of me?"

"Maybe," he said, smirking. She moved in closer to get a look at it.

"Oh, that's really nice," she breathed, leaning her head on his shoulder. "You're lucky it didn't come out blurry, with how quick you did it."

"Very lucky. I just thought your dad might want a nice picture of you up here, and you looked really-" He felt his cheeks flushing when she looked at him curiously. "Beautiful. And you know I don't mean that like I'm trying to hit on you or anything, you just _are_ and I'm not _blind_."

"I know," Jenny said, an amused smile on her lips, "Trust me, you don't need to worry about me getting the wrong idea. I generally prefer girls anyway."

"Oh," Jay said, blinking, "Cool. I mean, good. Um-"

Jenny laughed at him. "I mean, I'm still working it all out. I'm only four, after all, and I've still yet to meet a whole lot of the good looking people in the universe. But I'm definitely sure I like girls. Just trying to work out if I like guys and other genders too. I also think I might be asexual, but being on the ace spectrum is the norm for Gallifreyans, apparently, and the whole point of demisexuality is that it won't happen until you meet someone really special, so it's really too early to know-" She cut off abruptly, her cheeks turning red. "Sorry. I'm rambling."

"It's fine," Jay said, as they started making their way back down.

"It's just, obviously I don't really want to talk about this with Dad, because that would be, well, weird," Jenny continued, "And while it would be a _bit_ less weird with Aliya, she hates talking about this sort of thing and gets a bit weird about it, so-"

"But, it's just a culture thing, right?" Jay asked. "That's the gist I got when we were in the Dalek Asylum. She told me about how she was demi, but seemed really embarrassed that she'd said anything about it."

"Yeah," Jenny said, frowning, "I dunno, it's a Time Lord thing, I guess. Talking about sex in any kind of public capacity just wasn't done, as far as I know. Even romance in general was kind of frowned upon, by a lot of them."

"Jeez."

"Dad's less uptight about it because he's been around humans for so long. I just like how humans go about it. Like, alright, you have the whole bizarre heteronormativity thing going on in this century, but generally speaking you're free to say whatever you want about it. I like that, but Aliya keeps acting like I've picked up some gross habit or something."

Jay wasn't really sure what to say to that. "Well, she's not actually your mom, and you're an adult anyway. You can do what you like."

An odd laugh escaped Jenny. "For all intents and purposes, she might as well be. I've definitely come to think of her like that."

"Oh. Well, I guess that kinda makes sense, her being the only last female member of your species and all," Jay considered, "Plus her being close with your dad."

"Exactly. Oh well. I'm lucky, really, to have them both."

Jay thought of _his_ dad, who he only had hazy memories of. "Yeah, you are. Trust me."

* * *

They ducked back into the TARDIS to get changed and went for a swim at the beach for several hours until their skin had wrinkled up and they decided it was time for a very late lunch. Jay's stomach had been rumbling for the better part of half an hour.

Finally, over six hours after they'd parted ways with them, a text from Aliya came through.

 _Shit, sorry, that took a_ lot _longer than we thought. Where are you guys? We're in serious need of food._

They organised to meet them at the kebab place right opposite the main beach, and Jay and Jenny watched the two Time Lords devour a large kebab each.

"Telepathy exhausting, is it?"

"In excess, it can be," the Doctor said.

"So, what happened? Is he alive? Did you talk to him?" Jenny asked urgently, leaning over the table. Aliya, whose mouth was full of falafel, nodded solemnly.

"Oh, he's alive alright," the Doctor said with a grimace, "Alive and _angry_. He wants revenge."

"For what?"

"For Puwhenua's rejection and Otanewainuku's general treatment of him, I'm guessing."

"You're guessing?"

"We weren't really able to talk to him," Aliya said, sighing, "It took hours just to get through his mental barriers. We couldn't communicate directly but we could feel what he did. The anger, the need for revenge, his power-"

"Charming fella," the Doctor said wryly, "I don't think he's strong enough to actually do anything yet, but he's close. For all we know, it might only take one or two more people."

"We can't let that happen." Jenny's expression was determined.

"How can we _stop_ it happening?" Jay asked. "It's not like the people around here drown or have heart attacks or wander into the clutches of a shady sentient mountain on purpose."

"Fair point," the Doctor admitted. "It's alright, we'll go back to the TARDIS and work something out-"

"Wait, shit," Aliya said out of nowhere, her gaze having gone out the door and her kebab lying forgotten on her tray. "Doctor, the sun's going down. Well, no, it's already down, really."

It took a moment for Jay to realise why that was a problem, and then fear kicked his heartbeat up a notch. Jenny and the Doctor had similarly paled.

"We need to get back to the TARDIS, now," the Doctor said, jumping to his feet.

"What if they're waiting for us?" Jenny asked. "They'd expect us to do that."

"It's the only safe place we've got, Jenny."

They hurried out onto the street and away from the main beach in the direction of the TARDIS. They'd just reached the road they needed to cross when an all familiar van pulled up right in their path.

Jay felt something sharp pressing into his back and his blood ran cold.

"Get into the van, or the human dies," Jenadene's voice said from behind him. Jay's friends shared a dismayed look but hurried to do as they were told. Tris, who was standing nearby, got in after them. "You too, little one."

She pushed Jay inside ahead of her before shutting the door.

"We're such idiots," Jenny lamented.

"We're not used to having to be worried about what time of day it is," the Doctor said, sighing, "It's my fault, I should have been paying more attention. I was so busy thinking about Mauao that I didn't even-"

" _What_ about Mauao?" Tris asked sharply.

"Nothing," he muttered.

"Then shut up."

"I'm not risking a repeat of last time," Tris said to Jenadene, frowning, "Sedate them so there's no chance of them pulling off another escape."

"I bet you weren't happy when you found out about that," Jenny said, smirking.

"Jackson paid for his mistake," the short haired vampire said, their expression dark enough to make Jay wonder if Jackson had paid with his life. Jenadene meanwhile had pulled out a box that held four syringes. She injected Jenny in the neck before the girl could react, and she slumped against the Doctor.

"Is this really necessary?" He demanded, holding his daughter to him protectively. "We're cooperating!"

Jenadene ignored him and approached Jay next. He eyed her warily but knew better than to try and resist. The sedative's application wasn't too painful, thankfully, and he felt it seize him in an instant.

Jay woke slowly, his head spinning. When he looked around, he saw his friends in similar states, straightening up and clutching their heads.

"Very nice," Tris said to Jenadene, who smirked.

"You know me, darling, I'm a woman of precision." Jenadene pressed a light kiss to Tris' cheek before opening the van door. "Alright, all of you out. And don't try anything."

"How can we? I feel like I'm about to be sick," Aliya groaned. "What did you put in that stuff?"

"You calculated the sedative to last the more or less the exact length of the drive here?" The Doctor guessed. "That's very impressive."

"Compliments from a Time Lord mean nothing to me, so waste your breath," Jenadene said as Tris shoved them out of the van.

Jay hit the dirt and coughed. When he looked up, he saw that they were on a huge mountainside. Otanewainuku. Dread crept into him like the cold soaking his fingers.

"This way."

Jenny helped Jay to his feet and kept him steady as Tris, Jenadene and their driver ushered them towards a cave mouth. The Doctor murmured something about 'of course there's an ominous cave'.

The vampires lead them into a large cavern with a huge ceiling.

"Great One, we bring you the Time Lords, and extra," Tris announced to the open space.

When the mountain spoke, it was not aloud, but within the minds of everyone present. It gave Jay an even worse headache and he winced.

 _You have done well,_ Otanewainuku said, _these Time Lords will sustain me in a way I can only dream of. Puwhenua may have the strange one and the human. There is...no need to mention that I indulged in two Time Lords._

"Of course, sir," Jenadene said, bowing her head.

 _Kneel before me, Time Lords and others._ The sheer power in his voice drove Jay to his knees without a second thought, and Jenny followed his example. The Time Lords were slower to obey.

"Kneel," Tris hissed, their eyes flashing. The Doctor swallowed, and knelt with very obvious reluctance. Aliya pursed her lips and only stood straighter, her chin up despite the obvious tension in her frame.

"Kneel!" Jenadene told her.

"No," Aliya said flatly. She winced a moment later. "Threatening me won't do anything, Otanewainuku. You're going to kill me anyway, so nothing you threaten can-"

"Aliya, stop being an idiot," the Doctor said, horrified, "Just do it-"

"No," she said, gulping, "I refuse to die on my knees."

 _Then your death will be slow and agonising, Time Lady,_ the mountain said, and the lack of change in Aliya's face made Jay wonder if he was repeating his previous threat so everyone could hear it.

The Doctor, however, was beside himself. "Aliya, for once in your life, let go of your damned _pride_ and be _sensible-_ "

"Kneel!"

 _Kneel!_

"I am the last Time Lady of Gallifrey," she said, her resolve remaining even as her hands shook and tears welled in her eyes, " _I will_ not _kneel_!"

"Aliya, _please-_ " The Doctor's eyes were wet too.

 _Very well, lady of Gallifrey. You have sealed your fate. Now, should I have your friends watch your lengthy demise, or make yours more miserable by preceding with that of your clearly devoted friend?_

Aliya's head snapped to the Doctor with dismay, and an odd sensation in Jay's head gave him the impression of the mountain laughing.

 _Oh, yes, that thought pains you, doesn't it? Then you shall watch him die before the others watch you and are then taken to my dear paramour._

"No," Aliya whispered, and a kind of defeat flashed through her. When she spoke again, it was at full volume. "If I kneel, will you kill me first? You can take as long as want, make it as painful as you want, but will you promise to kill me first?"

Otanewainuku seemed pleased and not half amused. _Certainly._

"Swear on the blood of your species," she said, expression hard, ignoring the very vocal protests of her friends.

 _...I swear on the blood of my species._

Aliya met the Doctor's eyes, which were as teary as her own. Then, with a defeat in hers so powerful that it made Jay feel nauseous on her behalf, she dropped onto one knee and then the other.

"What have you done?" The Doctor whispered, his eyes wide with horror.

Aliya did her best to put on a brave face but it didn't really work when tears were cascading down her cheeks. "Bought the rest of you some extra time to escape, hopefully. Albeit at the cost of my pride."

"No extra time will help them escape," Tris said adamantly.

"Oh, shut up and let my final moments be vampire free," Aliya snapped, "If they can't possibly escape then you have nothing to worry about and can keep quiet."

Jay had thought that some of their previous scenarios had been dire, but as he knelt there in the presence of an omnipotent creature and his vampire servants, he was for the first time absolutely certain they weren't all going to walk away alive.

The Doctor opened his mouth to say something, but was drowned out by Otanewainuku.

 _And now, you will die_.

Aliya's body crumpled like a piece of paper as she fell to the floor and started screaming.

* * *

 **...sorry about the cliffhanger. I promise I won't make you wait almost three months for the next chapter. (This is one of my favourite Aliya moments, ngl, it's so stupid but I love her for it anyway.)**

 **I doubt this was worth the wait but I hope you guys liked it all the same, let me know what you thought!**

 **-MayFairy :)**


	15. The Living Mountains: Bargains

_Aliya's body crumpled like a piece of paper as she fell to the floor and started screaming._

"No!" The Doctor shouted. "Please, stop!"

 _This is her own doing, Time Lord._ Otanewainuku sounded pleased about the pain he was causing, to all involved. Jenny was crying, the Doctor stuck staring with dismay, and Jay just thought he was going to be sick.

Aliya's screams echoed through the cavern. But, oddly, they were soon joined by an electronic pinging coming from Jay's pocket.

"What is that?" Tris demanded.

Jay tore his eyes away from Aliya. "Oh, um, it's my phone," he said, pulling it out, "Oh shit. I put it on alert for any news articles about the Mount. Some old guy just died of a heart attack on the way up. And it says they've been having little earthquakes and the waves are getting bigger-"

"Mauao's got his strength up," the Doctor said, voice grim but eyes telling a different story. If Jay wasn't mistaken it was something akin to hope in his face as he lifted it to the ceiling. "Look, you, big fella! You're all so sure that Mauao was dead, but he's not! He's just been dormant. And while you've forgotten about him, he's been getting stronger."

Aliya's screams cut off to be replaced by a single whimper, and Jay took that to mean that Otanewainuku was listening.

 _Even if that were true, it does not concern me. He is tiny and weak, even at full strength. He cannot threaten me. Even Puwhenua could easily wipe him out._

"Maybe you're right," the Doctor said, eyes darting to Aliya's trembling form for a moment. "but surely any kind of fight between two of you would decimate the population of this entire region. Think about it, nobody wants that. You wouldn't have any people to feed off. Let me save you the trouble. Let us go and convince Mauao to stand down."

 _Very well,_ Otanewainuku said, sounding amused again, _but the Time Lady remains here._

"Impossible, I need her," the Doctor said without missing a beat.

 _Your personal life does not interest me, biped._

The Doctor flushed. "Not like _that_! She's two millennia older than me, I need her expertise."

Jay knew that was a blatant lie, since Aliya had mentioned during their initial escape from the vampires that there was only two hundred years between the two Time Lords. Not to mention the Doctor was the kind of person who would never admit to needing her expertise.

 _I can sense she has more life left in her than you_ , Otanewainuku said dubiously.

"She has more regenerations left, yes," the Doctor said, a nervous laugh escaping him as he wrung his hands together, "I'm reckless, an idiot even, I keep using mine up. She's careful, and clever - if occasionally too proud."

Jay held his breath while they waited for the mountain's response.

 _She may go,_ he conceded, _though Tris and Jenadene shall keep a close guard on you to ensure you return here when you are done. I will not give up the chance to consume two Time Lords._

"Absolutely fair enough," the Doctor all but squeaked, "Well then, we'll be off. See you later."

 _Do not try to double cross me, Time Lord_.

"Wouldn't dream of it. Have you seen this face? An honest face if there ever was one."

 _Go, before I change my mind_.

The Doctor lifted Aliya off the floor with the utmost care, carrying her bridal style from the cavern while the vampires led them out and Jay and Jenny followed close behind.

As they got back into the van, Aliya was laid down on one of the benches. A moment later Jay was bewildered when the Doctor leaned over and kissed his forehead enthusiastically.

"You brilliant thing, you," he said, eyes shining, "Putting that alert on. You're the only reason she's alive right now. _Thank you._ It means more than I can say."

"I just - you're welcome," Jay said, sitting back and glad of Jenny slipping her hand into his for emotional support.

A murmur from Aliya in that odd language - Gallifreyan? - stole the Doctor's attention and he was quick to pull her head into his lap.

"You idiot," he whispered, brushing some hair from her face. "Why are you like this?"

She stretched her body and winced. "Did I hear something about my being your superior in age and intellect?"

"Oh, she's fine," the Doctor said, rolling his eyes.

"I'm _not_ fine, I feel like I just got hit by a truck. Actually, no, I feel like an omnipotent being was feeding on my life force. I wouldn't be surprised if I just lost a regeneration. I suppose we'll find out one day."

The Doctor started talking to her in rapid Gallifreyan, obvious emotion clouding whatever he was saying. Aliya opened her eyes and slowly replied. She sounded exhausted.

Jay leaned in close to Jenny. "What are they saying?"

"I don't know, exactly,," she whispered. "My Gallifreyan is pretty low level. They're speaking a dialect I don't understand. It's general scolding for her recklessness, I _think_."

"Oh," Jay said.

They soon fell silent, but the Doctor's fingers lingered at Aliya's temple, and there were shifts in his expression and hers like they were still having a conversation.

Jay gave Jenny a questioning look.

"Telepathy, remember?" Jenny murmured. "It's probably easier for her right now."

"Oh."

"We can hear you, you know," Aliya said, sounding amused.

Jay felt his cheeks burn. "Sorry. I'm just… worried about you, I guess. You're probably the main reason I ever get pancakes."

She laughed, weakly. "Valid concern."

"Get some rest," the Doctor murmured, and she shut her eyes, shifting her head in his lap to get more comfortable. He blinked, apparently surprised that she had complied without argument.

"Will she be okay?" Jenny asked, biting her lip hard.

"She's tougher than she looks."

"At least until the Great One feeds from her properly," Jenadene said nastily.

They all decided to ignore her. They rode in silence for a while, until a golden glow lit up the dim rear of the van. Jay stared at the Doctor's hand, which was the source of the light, and so did the vampires.

"What are you doing?" Tris asked sharply.

"She's in no condition to do anything at the moment, talking to Mauao will be easier with her help," he said.

"I thought you said she was essential."

"Yeah, well, I lied to save my friend's life, is that so surprising?" He didn't bother waiting for an answer. He placed his glowing hand against Aliya's neck and the light shimmered over her skin.

Aliya sat up so quickly that most of the others jumped with surprise. She blinked, briefly confused, before her expression darkened.

She turned on the Doctor in an instant, rapid and furious Gallifreyan falling from her lips, so incessant he could barely reply fast enough to defend himself.

"What just happened?" Jay asked, wide eyed.

"He just used some of his regeneration energy to heal her, and she's telling him it was a waste, that it was stupid and unnecessary." Jenny winced. "Except, um, with more swearing."

Finally, Aliya and the Doctor ran out of things to say and simply stared at each other before the former sat back and crossed her arms.

"The gratitude," he muttered.

"Oh, don't you start," Aliya said, rolling her eyes.

The silence that followed was tense, and awkward. Thankfully after about a minute Jenny took it upon herself to break it.

"So, does Puwhenua actually love him?" She asked Tris and Jenadene. "Otanewainuku, I mean. Or was that just heteronormative embellishment on behalf of the humans?"

Tris chuckled. "Oh, no, she adores him. It's almost sad how much, given he only likes her for the attention. But I'm not so sure about heteronormative. Their concept of gender is much vaguer than yours or ours."

"Fair point."

"She thought it was hilarious when she found out about Mauao's crush on her and how he had tried to drown himself," Tris said, with a smirk.

The time travellers all winced.

"Not the kindest creatures, are they?" Jenny asked.

"Why do you think we've worked so hard so stay on their good sides," Jenadene muttered under her breath. Tris took her hand, their face hard.

When they got to the Mount, it was still evening and not yet close to midnight. The group got out of the van, Tris instructing the driver to stay with the vehicle while the rest of them headed to talk with Mauao. Jay didn't miss the slight scepticism still in Tris's voice as they spoke about the mountain.

Jenadene seemed more unsure. "Tris, if he _is_ still alive...we're the ones who abandoned him, he'll recognise us instantly."

Tris cursed under their breath. "That's a fair point. We're going to have to lie, and grovel."

"If he's got enough strength to communicate directly, or if he _wants_ to," the Doctor pointed out. "Last time he barely let us in with our direct telepathy. If telepathy's the only way this time we're going to have to pass your grovelling on."

"If we don't return, the Great One might well decide to throw your plans to the wind and simply wipe Mauao - and this city - out," Jenadene snapped. "So it's in your best interests to protect us like you would one of your own, Time Lord. If you don't want hundreds of thousands of deaths on your conscience."

His jaw tightened. "Fair point."

"Oh, so we're _protecting_ the vampires now, _great_ ," Aliya muttered, "This day just keeps getting better and better."

"Come on," the Doctor said, gathering up cheer from somewhere and looking around them all, "Two Time Lords, two vampires, a generated anomaly and a human walk into the clutches of a ticked off sentient mountain - there's a punchline in there somewhere."

"I'm not so sure the punchline isn't just us all ending up dead," Jenadene said as they all started along the path that would take them to a less public spot for telepathically connecting to the local landmark.

"He's probably not strong enough for that yet, creatures like us have incredibly wills to survive, we fight back, that's why I think he was only able to feed off the dead or the injured, maybe the depressed," the Doctor replied, shrugging.

Tris shook their head. " _If_ you're actually right about him being alive at all."

"We are, alright?" Aliya snapped.

"Alright, can everyone just breathe?" Jenny asked, frowning as she looked between them, "I know there's a lot of tension here, mortal enemies and all, but for now we're working together, sort of. So we all need to chill."

Jay nodded. "I can't believe I'm saying this, but you millennia old folks really need to listen to the four year old."

Tris blinked. "The _what_?"

"Not important," Jenny said firmly, "We're all going to put on our get-along pants and get to talking to Mauao."

"If a local was listening in on this conversation," Jenadene murmured, shaking her head and chuckling.

About ten minutes around the track, the Doctor came to a stop. The others nearly walked into him but narrowly avoided it.

"Here, this is where his presence is the strongest. Well, more precisely, about two metres up that hill."

"You've got to be kidding," Jenadene complained, "I'm too old for this shit."

Jay was thankful it was dark, because the sight of the six of them sitting in the bush above the track would have looked a bizarre sight to anyone walking past.

"So now what?" He asked.

The Doctor spread one of his palms across the dirt below him and reached out his other hand so that it was resting against the side of Aliya's head, fingers against her temples.

"So, wait, will we just be sitting here while you talk to him?"

Jay's question made Tris and Jenadene frown. It was clear neither of them liked that idea. The Doctor's expression was thoughtful for a second before it lit up, a huge grin on his face as he turned to look at Jenny, who seemed bewildered by the sudden attention.

"Jenny, you can listen in and tell them what we're saying," he said excitedly.

Jenny seemed tentatively hopeful. "I thought my telepathy wasn't good enough yet. You said _listening takes more skill but communicating takes more effort_."

"And that's true, but I meant listening in a general sense, when you have to tune yourself into everything around you. This time, you'll know exactly what you're looking for and a direct physical link - Aliya's hand."

"Oh, okay," Jenny said, a smile creeping into her face. "Let's do it, then."

She inched closer and Aliya's hand placed itself on the side of her face in an exact mimicry of what the Doctor had done to her. They were now a bizarre linked chain.

"Okay, we're going in," the Doctor said, and in perfect unison the three Gallifreyans shut their eyes.

Jay, all at once, became uncomfortable aware that he had in a sense just been left with the vampires. Thankfully, when he glanced at the two of them, they weren't regarding him with any kind of menace. On the contrary they shared his look of unease, their hands clasped together with white knuckles.

They were scared.

It was at least half an hour before anything happened, and Jay had all but fallen asleep when Jenny started speaking out of the blue in a pitch much deeper than her usual.

" _You have returned. What are you, and why do you bother me?"_ When she spoke again, it was in a slightly higher register. " _My name is the Doctor. This is Aliya. We're the last Time Lords of Gallifrey."_

Before she could convey any more of the message in eerie mimicry, it became unnecessary. Mauao's voice filled their heads with almost the same resonating power as Otanewainuku's.

 _And what are the last two Time Lords of Gallifrey doing with two of the traitors that left me for dead on this shore?_

"Great one, we would have been no help to you as piles of ash," Jenadene said earnestly. "We wanted to return, but he forbade it, we would have been killed."

"All of us, he'd have killed us all, we had to protect our family," Tris added, "but when we heard you were still alive, we were so incredibly relieved. We'd been hoping with everything we had, we knew you were strong."

Jay had to exercise a huge amount of self-control to not show his disbelief at how blatantly they were lying to Mauao. They'd been laughing about his trying to drown himself not two hours before.

 _Will you help me take my revenge? I am going to destroy Puwhenua for spurning me, and Otanewainuku for being the one to steal her attention, and for their general treatment of me. They will regret it when they die in agony._

"I don't suppose there's any way to make you reconsider this whole revenge thing?" Jenny asked.

 _None. I have waited centuries to make them pay. It is the only thing that gave me reason to hold onto life._

Jenny's face fell. "Oh."

"Look, I really don't think this is a good idea, Otanewainuku is much stronger than you are, Mauao-" The Doctor's attempt to placate him faded when they were all hit with Mauao's wordless rage. The Time Lord winced. " _But_ if you're really sure, then I'd like to help."

 _Are you not here as an offering from the night children to give me the power I need to take my old master on?_

"Like hell-" Aliya tried to say, but was interrupted.

"Oh, definitely!" The Doctor said enthusiastically, nodding his head. "But that's actually the _backup_ plan. Because, you know, obviously I'm not too keen on my friends and I getting killed, so I asked your wonderful, _loyal_ servants here to let me offer you my skills."

 _What interest do I have in your skills, Time Lord?_

"Well, even if you are confident you can defeat both of them, going up against Otanewainuku and Puwhenua is going to be a great personal risk. What if _I_ could take both of them out for you, without you having to waste any of your precious energy? Then all the vampires would be yours, and you can build up your strength for centuries and millennia to come."

 _I know very little of Time Lords. Do you truly have the power to do such a thing?_

"They do," Jenadene said, earning looks of faint surprise from all the others. "They hunted our forefathers, the Great Vampires, and destroyed them. I have it on good authority that this Time Lord, the Doctor, killed a Great Vampire himself. He can do what he promises."

"And, if for some reason I fail, then Tris and Jenadene can march us back here and you can feast on us to your heart's content. Metaphorically speaking, if you don't have a heart," the Doctor said, frowning. "I know nothing about your biology, I'm guessing here."

When he spoke again, Mauao sounded pleased. _Very well, Time Lord. But how can I be entirely sure I can trust you?_

The Doctor's expression was solemn. "He went out of his way to put my friends and I through hell, be it physical or emotional," he said darkly. "I'm not the kind of person to let that stand."

 _It will be a shame if I have to consume you, Time Lord. I think we are rather kindred spirits._

The Doctor didn't seem thrilled by that opinion, but to his credit he hid his distaste well and Jay guessed that Mauao (and the other mountains, for that matter) probably weren't the most adept at reading microexpressions anyway.

"Don't worry, I'm not going to fail," the Doctor said, his confidence for once rather quiet instead of his flashy arrogance or showmanship.

 _Then go. I am out of patience, I have waited long enough for my revenge._

Being able to get back onto the path and head back towards the shops and the TARDIS was an immense relief. Jay could feel his heartbeats slow down to a less alarming rate and saw the immediate tension leaving the others as well, even if plenty still remained.

No one spoke until they were back outside the TARDIS and the van. Tris' driver tried to talk to them and ask how it had gone but Tris simply told him to shut up and stay in the van.

"What's your plan?" Jenadene asked the Doctor, a kind of desperation in her eyes that made no sense to Jay.

"What plan?" Tris frowned. "We failed, so now we go back to the Great One and let him crush this idiotic mountain with delusions of grandeur, and let the Great One consume the Time Lords."

"No, he has a plan," Jenadene said firmly, looking at the Doctor, who simply lifted his eyebrows at her, "Whatever he was saying about Otanewainuku, he means it. He just wasn't telling the whole truth."

The Doctor looked impressed. "Perceptive of you. Well, it's fairly simple. I'm going to put a stop to all this. All three of them."

"Can you do that?" Jenadene and Jay asked at the same time, with Jenny and Aliya looking similarly curious. Tris' face was like stone.

"Yes, I rather think I can," the Doctor said, keeping his gaze locked with Jenadene's, "Are you going to try and stop me?" Jay realised, with a jolt, what the Doctor already had. She wasn't going to try and stop him at all.

Jenadene swallowed. "What can I do to help?"

" _Dene!"_ Tris' voice was so sharp that they all jumped. Well, all but Jenadene who turned to face her lover with her chin high. "What the _hell_ are you doing?"

"I'm tired, Tris!" Jenadene told them, eyes flashing, "I'm tired of snivelling to some grandiose mountain, who - as the Doctor rightly guessed - treats us as nothing but faithful lapdogs who have learned how to fetch. We spend every week worrying that he might go back on his word and kill us, or that Puwhenua might decide she isn't held to _his_ oath which she never actually made herself. I know you care about keeping our family safe as much as I do, which is why we have to do this. If the Doctor's right, we can be free of them, _all_ of them! We can just live, and for the first time since we arrived in this godforsaken place we can be our own people."

Tris stared at her with shock. "That's all very well, but what if he's _wrong_? What if he _can't_ do it?"

"Tris, I promise, I can, this is going to work," the Doctor told them. "And even if it didn't, I could take the two of you away to a planet and time where they could never find you. Your whole coven, if need be."

"And what if that's a trap? What if all of this was to trick us into trusting you, so you could exterminate us?" Tris asked, scowling. "We're natural enemies, it would make sense."

He sighed. "I don't think there's anything I can say that would prove I'm not going to do that. And I don't think the word of a Time Lord will mean much to you, but here goes anyway." His expression was deadly serious. "I swear on the lives of my friends, of my daughter, that I won't betray you. So long as you don't give me a reason to, I won't touch a member of your coven."

Tris searched his face intently, their sharp eyes scanning for treachery. And then their face softened a fraction.

"Very well," they said. "Impress me, Time Lord."

The Doctor grinned. "Brilliant. Now, if you'll just follow me into the-" He trailed off when Jenadene seized Tris by the face and started kissing them triumphantly and the two vampires became entirely preoccupied with the spark their rebellion had ignited. "TARDIS. Um. Is this… really the time?"

Jay was rather mesmerised by the display, but not so completely that he couldn't see the disgust on Aliya's face and the awkward looks on Jenny and the Doctor's.

"I'm sure you can, er, celebrate, after all this," the Doctor said weakly, but they continued to kiss as if they didn't have an audience. "Come on, you can't have respiratory bypass systems, and I've seen you breathe! How have you not come up for air yet?! I don't know if you've forgotten in the haze of whatever vampire hormones are rushing through your system, but we're under a bit of time pressure, here! I don't have time for lusty, vaguely sapphic vampires!"

Tris and Jenadene broke apart to lift their eyebrows at him while Aliya tried and failed to hide her laugh behind a cough.

"Now that was a sentence," Jay muttered, making Jenny erupt into giggles.

The Doctor had turned bright red. "Alright, everyone into the TARDIS, _now_."

The vampires stared with wide eyes at the interior of the TARDIS when they came inside, and Aliya smirked to herself before they all moved to join the Doctor at the console. Tris and Jenadene hung back a little, keeping themselves closest to the door as if ready to run in a moment. Jay wondered if that was a conscious move.

"So, what's your plan?" Jenny asked her father.

"Well, the TARDIS is an eleven dimensional being capable of storing huge amounts of power. She can sit on a space time rift and use it as fuel. I reckon she can absorb the life force of all three mountains, leave them all dormant for a good millennia."

"Wait, really?" Jay glanced up at the time rotor. "Wow. She's even cooler than she looks."

"Assuming it works, it'll give her awful indigestion," Aliya said, frowning, "But that would be manageable, I suppose. It's a good idea."

The Doctor stared at her for a moment before breaking out into a huge grin. "Everyone, Aliya just agreed with me. She just supported my plan, with only one criticism. Now we _know_ I'm going to be able to pull it off."

"Shut up and do it," Jenadene said, rolling her eyes, "The sooner this is over with, the sooner we can all go our separate ways."

"Wait, but what happens when the mountains wake up in a thousand years?" Jenny asked. "Won't there still be people here? This is only a temporary solution."

"In a thousand years, humans will have vacated the planet because of the solar flares," the Doctor said cheerfully, "I doubt they'll have much in the way of food, we don't need to worry about them killing masses of people."

That didn't quite sit right with Jay and he could tell Jenny shared his reservations. "But that means you're essentially putting them in a coma, one they'll wake up from only to die pretty quickly."

"They'll have to be more creative, but death isn't guaranteed," the Doctor said, without looking up from where his fingers were racing across the keyboard on the console. He sounded entirely too unconcerned.

"But still, isn't that a bit...harsh?" Jay knew they were bad news, but realising that the Doctor was capable of doing something on this scale was a bit alarming.

"Maybe, but Otanewainuku essentially tortured me after tricking me into kneeling in front of him, and possibly drained enough of my life force to cost me a regeneration," Aliya said with a scowl, "so I think it's fair. They _are_ mass murderers. All of them. I doubt we could count the number of people they've fed on over the years."

"To be fair, so have the vampires," Jenny said, glancing at Tris and Jenadene who were unphased by the accusation.

"Yes, well, we'll be having a few words about that too, but this first," the Doctor murmured.

"I don't like the sound of that," Tris said, arching an eyebrow.

"Hush, I need to concentrate."

"But you normally give them a choice, first, warn them what you're going to do," Jenny told her father, her frown only deepening.

"And if I thought I could survive those encounters, or that they would actually change their ways, I would!" He said, a little too forcefully. He gave her an apologetic look a moment later. "Look, I'm sorry, Jenny, but I'm doing this. It's our best option."

After a few tense minutes of nothing but glancing around at each other while the Doctor typed frantically and Aliya moved around the controls to make small adjustments and they spoke in brief bursts of Gallifreyan, finally a switch was flicked and the whole ship shuddered.

A steady pulse of white light went through the time rotor, an odd groaning noise filling the air around them that was definitely coming from the ship.

"You weren't kidding about the indigestion," Jenny said, making a face.

The Doctor murmured apologies under his breath to the TARDIS, his hand absently stroking the a control panel while his eyes stayed focused on the scanner screen. "And… that's Mauao gone. Figured we should start with the closest and smallest. Otanewainuku is the biggest, but Puwhenua is further away, so it's hard to know who will be trickier."

"It's actually working?" Tris asked, the first spark of real hope in their eyes.

"So far." The Doctor glanced up to grin at them. "I told you I could do it. Or rather, that my wonderful ship could." Another groan filled the console room and he winced. "Of course, she's going to be a bit unhappy with me for a while."

"What will you do with all the energy?" Jenadene inquired. "That's a _lot_ of life force."

"Well, we could use it to keep the TARDIS gardens going indefinitely, or something frivolous like that, but I was thinking we could release it onto some barren world somewhere, give it a new chance at life," the Doctor said, smiling.

"Oh," Jenadene said. She looked surprised, and Jay had to wonder what she had expected. A plot for him to use all the energy for himself? Turning it into an anti-vampire weapon, perhaps?

Another few minutes passed and then the Doctor let out a whoop. "Bye bye Otanewainuku! Have a nice sleep, big fella! Hope you don't mind hot weather!"

"He's dormant? For a thousand years?" Tris breathed. "Really?"

"More or less, yeah."

Tris murmured something in a bizarre language as they pulled Jenadene closer and pressed a kiss to the side of her head. "We're free. We're actually going to be free."

The last wait was the longest, which Aliya guessed was because of the distance, but finally Puwhenua had been drained as well and the group was able to let out huge breaths of relief. Once the Doctor and Aliya got the TARDIS stabilised with her new power store that obviously didn't sit entirely well with her, the Doctor turned to Jenadene and Tris with a smile.

"So, freedom as promised. Not bad for a Time Lord, eh?"

Jenadene actually smiled back. "Thank you, Doctor."

"Yeah well, I have a condition," he said, more seriously, and when they opened their mouths he shook his head. "And no, don't argue; after this, you owe me this much. The killing stops. I didn't do all this just for you to kill all those people anyway. Whether you stop it by only feeding and not killing, or hunting animals, that's up to you so long as the humans aren't harmed with any kind of permanence."

"Many of the coven will not be happy about this, they might rebel," Tris argued.

"And you seem like the kind of person who can handle it," the Doctor said with lifted eyebrows, "You and Jenadene are the bosses. You're in charge. I have every faith in you. Because so long as you do this, I'll keep my promise to never harm you or your coven."

"...fine," Tris said reluctantly.

Jenadene sighed. "It's still worth it."

"Go on then, run along, don't want you getting caught in the sun or anything nasty like that," he said to them. "You might be one of the first vampires to see the inside of a TARDIS and live. Now that's not a bad story to tell."

Tris smirked. "I suppose not."

With that, the vampires bid the others goodbye and left, shutting the door behind them. Aliya let out an audible breath when they did, and shared a grin with the Doctor.

"We did it," Jay said, still amazed.

"And now, time to find a nice planet to unload all this life force energy," the Doctor said happily. "Nice end to a fairly hectic few days."

Within a minute they had a destination, and they went to the doors after materialising and opened them so that they could look down at the planet they were giving life to. The white energy swirled through the space between the TARDIS and the planet, slowly covering the planet surface.

"It's so beautiful," Jay whispered, "I think it's the most beautiful thing I've ever seen. Scarlett Johansson included."

The Doctor chuckled, and didn't even comment when Jay was quick to snap a picture and post it to his instagram with the caption 'have I mentioned I love space?'. No one would think it was a picture _he_ had actually taken, so he wasn't worried about being making correct assumptions about what he was up to. Travelling in a blue police box with three weird aliens was hardly an easy guess.

"You two alright here?" The Doctor asked after a small while.

"I could stare at this for hours," Jenny said, and Jay uttered his agreement.

"Well, we'll leave you to it, then."

When Jay looked up, the Doctor was dragging Aliya off by the arm and they were exchanging heated whispers, scowls on their faces. The Doctor's was accusing while Aliya's was defensive. They disappeared up the stairs and Jay stared after them.

"Do I want to know what that was about?"

Jenny swallowed. "She nearly died, and he...doesn't deal with that well. They'll need a while to sort it out. It's happened before."

"Does she almost die often?"

"I mean, really, we all do," Jenny said, sighing and shaking her head before leaning it on the doorframe. "It's just… they're the only Time Lords left. If something happens to her, then he would go back to being the only one left. He'd be alone."

"He'd have you," Jay pointed out.

Jenny made a face. "I'm not a Time Lord. It's not that I'm not important, it's just...it's not the same." She glanced at him. "Look, okay, imagine that something _awful_ happened, and you were the only human left in the universe and it was your fault. Nevermind how, but it was. And you lived for years thinking it was just you. There was nothing left of Earth, no one left who understands your culture, little things like McDonalds and Taylor Swift and handshakes and milkshakes and drive in movies and all those tiny things that would be so hard to explain to someone else. It's just you that knows about that stuff now.

"And you've got friends, great friends, but they don't understand and they never will. But then, somehow, one day someone important to you - like, oh, your sister. Evy turns up alive by some miracle. Imagine how happy you'd be. And how worried you would be about _anything_ happening to her because firstly you care about her but secondly you can't stand the thought of being alone in the universe again."

"I mean, she's a transgender woman living in the United States, I'm always worried about her," Jay said, frowning, "But...I see your point. Yikes."

Jenny's worry was written all over her face. "Dad's lost a lot of people, and I just think he's at his breaking point, you know? If something were to happen to one of us...I don't know what would happen."

"It'll be okay," Jay assured her. "We're a good team. We'll be fine."

Jenny smiled, but didn't reply, and Jay joined her in gazing out at the planet they were orbiting and taking in the majesty and size of it.

The worry in his heart only managed to detract a little from the amazing sight and he considered that an achievement.

* * *

 **Why have I been so distracted from this stoooooory (because I'm a hopeless gay who has fallen deeply in love with Quill from Class, that's why). Ah well. Thanks for reading, please let me know what you thought!**

 **I'm sad to say goodbye to Tris and Jenadene, I love my salty sapphic vampires :')**

 **-MayFairy :)**


	16. One Anachronistic Roman, To Go

**Well, I'm officially out of backlog. Whoops. *shakes fist at Patrick Ness for creating Quill, an actual personal attack on my poor gay heart***

 **But anyway, this chapter is fun and silly and cute and I love it. I hope you guys do too!**

* * *

"This is risky."

"We're fine."

"Doctor. I can _feel_ that something's off and you know you do too and you know the reason."

"It'll be _fine."_

Jay looked up from his absurdly huge caramel popcorn smoothie to look at the Doctor and Aliya, who were frowning at each other. The four were the only ones in the large room since the manager had disappeared into the back, meaning that their quiet conversation was easy to overhear.

"Did I hear something about this being risky?" He glanced around the brightly light establishment with confusion. "We're at a smoothie bar. On the moon. What could be risky about that? Since the oxygen shield is apparently top of the range."

"It's the 52nd century," the Doctor said, and Jenny's eyes widened.

"Oh. Shouldn't we have come at like, any other time?"

"But this is the only time they have the banana custard smoothie!" The Doctor told her. "There's no point otherwise!"

"You guys have lost me," Jay said. "Not that that's a new feeling, but still."

Aliya sighed. "On the other side of the moon is the Lunar University. Where his wife is studying. Right now."

"Oh," Jay said, "the dead one?"

"Dead is relative, with time travel." Aliya shot the Doctor a disapproving but resigned look. "I think he's hoping she might waltz in here by happy accident. Who's to say it didn't happen?"

He looked at her with surprise. "How could you possibly-"

"Because _I_ was thinking it too," she said, quietly, "That doesn't mean it _should_ happen. I know she's been on your mind lately, she's been on mine too, but-"

"Look, let's just leave it, alright? Let's just go, remove any risk of damaging the timelines, who needs hope anyway," the Doctor muttered, sliding out of his seat and heading for the door.

"Doctor!" Aliya protested. "You know I just - I didn't-" He left with a spin of the revolving door and she slumped over the counter with a frustrated groan. "Why is he so... impossible?"

"He just misses River," Jenny said sadly.

"Yeah, well, so do I!" Aliya said, propping her chin up with both hands, visibly upset. "But River Song died a long time ago, and as much as we might wish more than anything in the world that we could see her again, it would destroy whatever peace we've managed to find since it happened. And we're too old to try and bend timelines for our own ends."

The way she spoke, it sounded more like she was trying to convince herself than them. Jay searched his brain for a cheerier subject, but could only think about how miserable she looked.

Thankfully, as far as distractions went, a fully dressed Roman soldier barreling out of the bathroom and brandishing his blood soaked sword while screaming a battle cry was a pretty good one.

"What the fuck?!" The three travellers yelped in complete unison, scrambling out of their stools.

"For Rome!" He yelled.

"We're friendly!" Jenny said hastily. He gave no reply, his eyes hazy with battle fever. Jay wasn't even sure if he had heard her.

"So, uh, who wants to take this one?" Aliya asked as the trio scrambled to avoid his charge and force him to narrow down his target.

"I'm only passable with a sword," Jenny said.

"I know which end to hold," Jay said helpfully, "But I mean, wouldn't we need a sword for this conversation to have any point?"

"That mop handle is made of 51st century steel, it'll do just fine," Aliya said, nodding at the mop in a bucket near Jay. "Throw it to me, and then run and get the Doctor. It seems that all those fencing lessons he gave me in that time loop are finally going to come in handy."

"Let me guess, I'm the diversion?" Jenny asked. When Aliya nodded, she grinned. "Brilliant."

Jay grabbed the mop and threw it in Aliya's direction before bolting towards the revolving door. Thanks to Jenny grabbing the straw dispenser and hurling it at the soldier's head, Jay was able to make a clean getaway.

Outside the smoothie bar, the Doctor was leaning against the TARDIS and chatting to a red alien with two heads.

"Doctor!"

"Ah, Jay, hello! What's all that noise inside the bar?"

"That would be your daughter and friend trying to fend off the Roman soldier that randomly burst out of the bathroom and started trying to kill us!"

The Doctor's face barely shifted, his only reaction a blink. " _What_?" He asked mildly, like he was sure he had heard Jay wrong.

"Roman soldier, in there, Aliya's trying to fight him with the mop," Jay said seriously. "Help?"

Another shout from inside punctuated his point.

The Doctor stammered out an apology to the person he had been talking to and dashed for the diner door without another word. Jay was quick to follow. When they got back inside, they were greeted with the sight of Aliya and the soldier on top of the bar, sword and mop locked with each other.

"We're _not_ your enemies!" She was telling him earnestly. "Why else would I only go on the defensive, not offensive?"

"Honestly, I leave you alone for five minutes," the Doctor said with great amusement.

She snorted. "Oh, do _not_ open that kettle of worms."

"That's not the saying-"

Jay's correction disappeared when the soldier took a swipe at Aliya and she had to jump back to avoid it, because she missed her footing on the narrow countertop and tumbled off. One of the diner chairs was in her path of descent, drawing a loud clang as the metal fit the floor along with the thump her body made on impact.

"Aliya!" Jay and the Doctor both shouted with concern.

That was when Jenny leapt out of nowhere and onto the countertop, clocking the soldier over the head with a large wooden chopping board and knocking him out instantly. He toppled off the counter and hit the floor hard enough to make Jay wince.

The Doctor, meanwhile, was staring at his daughter with delight. "Excellent timing," he said, beaming, "Even if it involved a little more violence than I can approve of. But under the circumstances, well."

Jenny smiled as she hopped off the counter and set the board on top of it. "This stuff is _solid_ , I didn't even need to hit him very hard."

"51st century norm in these parts is Gamma Forest Oak, 100 times harder than Earth oak of Jay's time," the Doctor explained. "He'll be lucky if he doesn't have a concussion."

A groan from nearby reminded them what had happened to the fourth member of their party.

"Aliya!"

They rushed to where their friend was sprawled on the floor against the chair she had brought down with her. Her nose was wrinkled and her eyes shut.

"Aliya, are you alright?" The Doctor asked her urgently.

"Ow," she mumbled as he reached out to haul her to her feet. Her hands travelled over her body experimentally, making her wince several times. "Owww. I'm gonna be black and blue in at least five different places."

"Would my kissing it better help?" The Doctor asked with a grin, confusing Jay until Aliya snorted.

"You can kiss my-"

"Oh, you're fine," he said, chuckling, "Nice job with the mop, by the way. I bet you had a great teacher."

She shoved the mop into his hands. "Yeah, he'd be able to wipe the floor with me," she said, grin widening.

"You did _not_ just say that," Jay groaned, and when he saw the delight on the Doctor's face at the silliness of the joke Jay had to bury his own in his hand. "You guys are the worst."

"You're ridiculous," the Doctor said to Aliya, eyes sparkling, "That was a truly ridiculous joke."

"Well, I have to be occasionally capable of it, or we wouldn't be friends," she replied.

"Fair point."

Jenny coughed. "Could we deal with the _unconscious Roman soldier_ on the floor? Also, where's that manager? She had to have heard all that, you'd think she would be worried."

"As someone who works in the industry, trust me, she will be avoiding dealing with whatever problem might have arisen for as long as she possibly can," Jay said, "Customers are the worst. No offence."

"How did he _get_ here? We're in the _future_ , on the _moon_ ," the Doctor said with amazement. Then he looked at Aliya with great interest. "You said something felt off before. Temporally. And, maybe, if I'm being completely honest, I felt it too. But we thought it was because we were too close to River, so I, well, ignored it. But it's not that at all."

"No, tenuous timelines are all sort of...nauseous," Aliya muttered, "this is different. Like a stabbing." She shook her head with exasperation. "Lord, we must be getting old and desensitised, those aren't _remotely_ the same thing."

"Even _I_ could have told you it feels more like a wound," Jenny said, "and I can _barely_ sense it and only because you mentioned it."

Struck again as he so often was by the blunt reminder of how different his friends were to him, Jay found himself considerably less unnerved than usual. It was just... part of who they were. It wouldn't be quite so fun without them baffling him at at every other turn.

"He came from the bathroom," Jenny said, and made her way over to the door. When she pushed it open, the light coming from behind one of the five doors through the entryway was near blinding. "Well - I think I found how he got here."

They hurried to stand next to her and get a closer look. Aliya murmured something in Gallifreyan, to which the Doctor nodded but Jenny just looked confused.

"What? A four-five tear? Did I hear that right?"

"Fourth and fifth dimensions," the Doctor said, shaking his head, "Classic mechanic colloquialism."

"Says the man who understood it," Aliya retorted.

"It's not _that_ difficult to work out." He peered at the tear. "I wonder what made it."

"My bets are on the crappy human time travel they're so fond of in this century. Maybe your wife did it. We know she's been here before and that she likes zapping about with that vortex manipulator."

"My wife never went around punching holes in the universe!" the Doctor said defensively, only for her to scoff. "You know she understands time travel better than any human I've known."

"That's not enough of a benchmark. River is great, but she was no Time Lord."

Jay frowned and leaned in closer to Jenny. "Are they...going to decide on a tense? I get that it's complicated, but it's giving me whiplash."

"To be fair, there's a tense for this in Gallifreyan, it's just that English doesn't have one that fits since she's simultaneously dead and alive and English was never made to properly handle time travel," she replied.

"What, there's a tense for simultaneously dead and alive?" Jay asked sceptically.

She grinned. "There's a tense for past on your personal timeline and present in your current location, yeah. Time Lords have a tense for everything." She made a face. "It makes it _horrendous_ to learn. Literally hundreds of tenses. It's the worst. I probably won't have a decent handle on it for a good century."

"Ew, and I thought Spanish past tense was bad," Jay said, shuddering. "I'll stick to English and Korean."

"Alright, _what_ is going on?" The raspy voice of the manager made them whirl around to look at the alien who seemed as though she wanted to be anywhere but there.

Her name was Blak, Jay recalled, and she was what the others called a Blathereen, from a planet called Raxacora-something. It was an absurd name. Blak towered over them all at a solid eight feet tall, was a similar hue to a Jaffa cake, and should not have been able to pull off the black mini dress she was wearing over her bulky figure but somehow did.

"Ah, Blak, there you are! You must have had your music up pretty loud back there, to not hear everything that was going on in here," the Doctor said, chuckling.

She cast her eyes disinterestedly around the room which was in complete disarray. "I was watching the Daily Update," she said, sighing and twisting her claws together, "Marinus Nova and his husband are getting a divorce. Apparently his synthrock career just didn't leave them enough time together. It's so very upsetting. You have to wonder if love is real at all, when this sort of thing happens."

Much to their alarm, she promptly burst into tears.

"It certainly is, you should have seen this one and his wife back in the day," Aliya said, nudging the Doctor with her elbow, "I literally got cheered up by how happy _they_ were just by being around them."

"Really?" Blak looked tentatively hopeful.

"Hell, I've got pictures if you want-"

"And I have this, um-" Jenny swallowed. "Had this friend, she found out everything in her life had been a lie, and the reason it didn't totally break her was because the one thing she knew was real was her being totally in love with this woman she worked with even though that woman had no idea because she'd just been pining. And when she finally told her, they were basically living together after two days."

Blak's eyes had somehow gotten wider. "Really? And they're still together?"

"They never broke up," Jenny said, with just enough of a hesitation to make Jay realise it was a lie of omission, that something about the story wasn't as beautiful as she made out. He didn't like the implications of the past tense she had corrected herself to, or the way the Doctor and Aliya's expressions had become tight.

But Blak smiled and wiped at her eyes. "Thank you, my dear, I think I needed to hear that. Now, are you going to explain this mess and why there is an odd man unconscious on my floor? Please tell me he's not dead."

"Nope, just unconscious thanks to that ace chopping board of yours," Jenny said with a grin.

"I see. Look, we have a strict policy on personal altercations taking place inside the establishment-"

"It wasn't a personal altercation, he came out of the tear in time and space in your bathroom!" Jay told her. He wasn't completely sure he'd gotten the explanation right but the others didn't correct him so he felt a rush of pride.

"The _what_?" Blak asked, frowning.

The Doctor beckoned her over and pointed her at the blinding light. "For some reason, there's a hole in reality here in your bathroom. An ancient Roman soldier fell in it. It's very possible that people on this end have fallen through it too and ended up god knows where. Have you noticed people disappearing?"

"Oh," Blak said with surprise, "That would explain why a couple of people haven't paid their bills. And what happened to the last two waitresses."

The four travellers stared at her incredulously.

"And you didn't...think to wonder where they went? Your waitresses?"

Blak shrugged. "We have a quick staff turnover here. All those pretty young things are busy trying to become holovid stars or musicians or at least waiting for some cargo ship to give them a ride to the next galaxy. I figured they just left without giving official notice. They're always in such a _hurry_."

"Never mind that, we should focus on the two more urgent matters," Aliya said. "We need to do something with this Roman, and work out how we're going to shut this tear."

"We can just take the Roman back to his own time, his clothing is practically a date stamp. As for the tear, best thing we can do is to let it close itself."

"Is there a way to do that?" Jenny asked.

The Doctor nodded, rubbing his hands together. "Feeding it a complex space time event should do the trick. Tried and true method."

Aliya rolled her eyes. "And just where are we going to get one of -" He gave her a pointed look and she blinked, and then sighed at him. " _Oh_. No. Really? _That's_ your plan?"

"Have you got a better idea?"

"Well, no. It just... seems like a bad idea on principle."

"Feel free to include us any time, guys," Jay said, putting his hands in his pockets.

"Him," Aliya said, frowning, " _h_ _e's_ the complex space time event. Our plan is to put him through the tear and pick him up from wherever he ends up."

"Wait, Time Lords are complex space time events? Like, a whole person is a significant _event_ across the dimensions?" Jenny asked.

Aliya snorted. "Of course not. A big enough group of Time Lords, sure. But no, this is down to _him._ He's the bastard who has gotten involved in practically every significant event to ever happen, _anywhere_. Hence, he's actually become a complex space-time event himself."

"Jeez," Jay said, eyeing the Doctor with amazement. "Is that….a good thing?"

"No," Aliya said before the Doctor could breathe a word, sending him a disapproving, albeit fond, look. "But it's coming in handy."

"Anyway, with my best girls on the job, I have no reason to be worried," the Doctor said, beaming. "But first, let's get the Roman into a TARDIS containment vortex."

It took all four of them to lug the man's dead weight out of the diner and into the blue box. Once a reassuring haze of blue forcefield energy was surrounding him, the others headed back into the diner, where Blak was waiting for them.

"I'm still really not sure what's going on," she told them, claws knotting together nervously.

"We're fixing your problem, that's all that matters," the Doctor said cheerfully, "and then you can go back to serving wonderful smoothies like the banana custard one which I really do suggest you don't discontinue at any point."

Aliya elbowed him in the ribs.

"But maybe that's getting off the point," he said, wincing. "Alright, so." He took a small device out of his pocket and scanned it with the screwdriver before handing the latter to his daughter. "Sonic is tuned to the beacon, which I'll activate once I'm on the other side. If all goes well, this thing will snap shut the moment I'm through and then you should be able to come right to me."

"I'm hearing a lot of 'if's and 'should's," Jenny said uneasily. "You're _sure_ you're going to be okay?"

"I'm always okay, I'm the King of Okay, remember?" The Doctor told her with a grin as he pocketed the beacon. "Alright. See you on the other side." He gave them a goofy salute before striding through the door and right into the swirling light.

It gurgled and collapsed in on itself until the light was entirely gone and they were all left staring at a group of ordinary bathroom doors.

"It worked," Aliya said, with a sigh of relief.

"That's a good start," Jenny agreed, "Okay, Blak, we're off now. Have a good rest of your day, and sorry about the mess!"

"I think you've more than made up for it," the Blathereen said, shrugging and waving to them as the trio headed out of the diner. "Best of luck finding your friend!"

Once back in the TARDIS, Jay sat back and let Jenny and Aliya get to work. The former plugged the screwdriver into the console and then they waited for a signal to come through. It took about twenty seconds and the collective breath of relief that escaped them all was audible.

Aliya hit a button and an image came up on the scanner - a volcanic terrain with one familiar figure in tweed perched on a nearby rock. Jenny let out a whoop of triumph and ran for the door, flinging it open.

The Doctor strode in a few moments later, quick to loop his arm around Jenny's shoulders and hug her to his side.

"There, what did I tell you?" He said to them with a grin. "It went exactly as I said it would."

"Which is a first in about a century," Aliya retorted.

"Hey, cut the attitude, you're three hours late, you know. I've lost count of the number of games of solitaire I played in between admiring the scenery."

"Nice scenery," Jay remarked, eyeing the lava through the door before it was shut.

"If we're three hours late, it's because of the shitty signal we were following," Aliya told the Doctor, crossing her arms, "You need to get a half-decent beacon and not one you threw together with the combined parts of a toaster and a curling iron."

"You know, I've missed the constant criticism in these past three hours," he said with mock seriousness as he and Jenny returned to the console platform.

Aliya put her hand over her heart. "I'm so sorry. Let me give it another try. _Oh, Doctor, your brilliance has single-handedly saved the day yet again!"_ She pretended to swoon and even faint, her body properly plummeting until the Doctor caught her at the last second.

It occurred to Jay that it had been a real - if deliberate - fall and that she had to have complete faith that he would in fact catch her.

"My hero!" Aliya exclaimed dramatically, swooning again.

The Doctor rolled his eyes, but they were amused. "Sarcasm is highly unoriginal, you know. And I _will_ drop you."

"No, you won't."

"You're an idiot."

"I learn from the best." She was grinning at him, at least until he let go of her and she hit the floor with a yelp. "Hey! What the fuck?"

"I tried to warn you," he replied, without so much as a glance in her direction as he moved to the controls. She seemed genuinely shocked at what had happened. "Now, where to next? I think it's your turn to pick, Jenny."

"We could get dinner at that place in Space Vegas with all the lanterns," Jenny said hopefully.

"You mean the one we've been to five times already because you have a crush on the waitress with the pink scales?" The Doctor asked, eyebrows up. Jenny turned scarlet and Jay stood up so he could hit her lightly on the arm.

"You don't say? Well, cute waitresses, scales or otherwise, happen to be big area of interest for me," Jay told them with a grin, "so I'm keen. Plus, Space Vegas. I've gotta see that."

"That place has great ice cream, so I'm in," Aliya said, rubbing her elbow absently now that she was back on her feet.

They spent the next few hours laughing at how Jenny turned into a stammering mess whenever the waitress - who the Doctor took care to request - came to take their orders or check on them.

Jay took the role of wingman very seriously. When they were finishing up for the night, he decided to take a chance.

"Hey, you should give my friend here your number," he told the waitress as she turned to leave. "She thinks you're wonderful."

Jenny slid down in her seat and buried her face in her hands. "You're the worst friend ever."

The waitress looked between them with surprise. " _Oh._ My dear, I'm extremely flattered, but I'm afraid I'm married. My wife and husband do like a little variation, though, if you were interested in joining us for a night or two-"

Jay choked on his drink at the same time Aliya did on hers, while Jenny turned an even deeper shade of crimson and slid further down in her seat with mortification.

"Thanks, but I'll leave you to it," she said weakly.

The Doctor coughed. "Lovely offer, though," he said to the waitress, "We'll have the cheque now, thank you."

The waitress nodded and gave them all a big smile, Jenny especially, before heading off.

"Jun-Young Kim, you are _dead_ ," Jenny vowed, whacking him, "I cannot believe you just did that to me! I was quite happy just admiring from afar - metaphorically speaking."

"Sorry," Jay said, but he was unable to keep his entirely unapologetic grin off his face.

"I hate you."

"Nah. You love me."

"Psh."

* * *

 **I hope you guys liked this! Let me know what you thought!**

 **-MayFairy :)**


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